First Love

It was the summer of '94. The heat in Pickens County was above normal and people were outside cooking and partying. I was out doing my as usual. I wasn't the type of person that ask for permission and definitely not approval. My friends Stacy and Renee lived right across the street from what we called the party house. Bone Thugs and Harmony had just released " Thuggish Ruggish Bone". Everybody and I do mean everybody in the neighborhood was there. I was introduced to the Dj. His name was Raheim, he intrigued me because he had a rastfari look with a nose ring. This spelled bad boy to me.

We hooked up some weeks later. Everything between us was going just fine until Neicie came to stay with Raheim. One day Raheim couldn't find his money. Neicie had already left earlier that morning, so I was the only other person there when he realized his money was missing. Raheim asked me ; did you take my money. Instantly I got offended; not only had I been braiding hair since I had first come over but, anything I wanted I asked for or would make a way to get it myself. In my eyes it was the worse thing anyone could do to me. Why would you accuse me? I asked in frustration. I hustle too hard to steal I shouted as I got up to collect all my things. I'm just saying, as he snatched my arm; you are the only one in my room. Yeah, I said as I snatched my arm away from Raheim but, I'm not the only one in the house and for damn sure not the only one that comes in this room. I'm not stupid Raheim shouted back. You have to be if you accusing me of stealing. The argument went on like that for another twenty minutes. Raheim left the room and made two phone calls.

Five minutes later there were about twelve men standing in Raheims living room. Right as I reached the front door a huge arm wrapped around my small waist and threw me to the couch. Before I could even begin to get up, a massive man with hands the size of the hulk reached down and grabbed me again. You're going back in the room his deep voice boomed as he slung me over his shoulder. Put me down I'm leaving, I shouted as I floated back into the bedroom. Oh no, not yet little theif. The man flipped me down on the bed as he ripped my clothes off. No, please stop what are you doing? I'm teaching you not to steal he exclaimed as he forced himself on me. I tried to break free from him but he was too strong. When he finished I tried to run but was met at the door with a fist. The whole ordeal lasted for what seemed an eternity to me. Finally Raheim and some of his friends dropped me off at my aunts house. I didn't speak about what happened to anyone. I cried silently in the shower and then got dressed.

Two days later I fainted and had to be taken to the hospital. When the doctor came back into the room she told me that I was nineteen weeks pregnant. For the first time in a long time I just let the tears flow. Raheim was the last person that I wanted to talk to. I definitely didn't want to tell him that I was pregnant. For almost two weeks I walked around as if nothing was going on. Sable asked me, When you gonna spit out that pumpkin seed? I didn't even like pumpkins so why would Sable ask me that? Granny I don't know what you're talking about. Sable grinned and said Oh you know what I'm talking about child it's right there in your stomach. My eye grew wide; how did Sable know. I was careful not to let it slip out to anyone and I hid all the paperwork. Sable let out a loud laugh; you didnt have to tell me she said. Your face is full your behind is wide and you eating me out of house and home.

I gave birth to Mason that April. Two weeks after Mason was born Sable died. I woke up and realized that I was at my friend Nancy house with my then boyfriend Thomas. I had been trying to get away from him ever since Sable died. Sure he was there for me and Mason but, there was just one problem. He was smoking crack and stealing anything he could get his hands on. I had cheated on him with Michael a guy I knew while I was pregnant with Mason. I was also trying to leave Thomas because I was pregnant by Sëmaj. Sëmaj wasn't all that good looking but he took good care of me and Mason. After weeks of trying to break up with Thomas I finally moved in with Sëmaj and his mom. Sëmaj had a decent paying job and he seemed to be loyal until I went to the doctor and found out I had crabs. Sëmaj had been cheating with the homeless girl at his friends trapp house. That was all it took to convince me that he was not the one.

Four months pregnant one kid and a part time job. I wondered who would even want someone like me. Then my friend Tracy introduced me to Oneal. We instantly hit it off. He wasn't all boisterous and flashy, although he was well dressed and smelled all so good. While he wouldn't talk much around anyone else; he would talk for hours with me. We talked about everything from love to adventures we both wanted to have.

As time went on Oneal told me about the baby he was expecting. I had to tell you Lena I just can't hide nothing from you. Oneal, I hate this because I really love you. I know, he said which is why I'm telling you. I really love you too and I want to be with you but, I have a responsibility to this baby. After we finished proclaiming our love for each other; I didn't see him or talk to him. My heart was broken. I finally found someone that I could be myself around, only to not be able to have him in my life. He was truly the first man I ever loved.