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The summer was always the worst. Either you had a high power bill from running the AC everyday, or you melted the whole summer with just box fans. The kids were getting older and it was time to get my act together. Atleast that's what I told myself. For the most part I only worked part time because I didn't trust anybody with my children. Most of the time I didn't go out if I couldn't take my kids. It was hard for a long time; the only time Toussant would help was when he thought we were going to have sex. Even then though he wasn't any help. My family did what they could but, they had families of their own. We moved from place to place for a while. For some reason I kept meeting the slum lords from Hell. Grace came back to Pickens and we moved in together. I thought finally some help with a little bit of this life. Was I ever wrong. Once again Grace pulled a disappearing act. The plumming was messed up because the pipes in the yard busted. The lanlord said he would help with the bill. He lied; when the bill came it was almost twelve hundred dollars. Mr. Daniels, I said; you told me that you would help me pay this bill. That's not what I told you he said. But, this is not my regular bill. Most of this bill came from your busted pipes, you can't leave me with this bill. Mr. Daniels said there was nothing he could do to help. I called the water company and explained to them that I was only renting the house that the pipes in the yard busted. When the conversation ended I only had to pay my part of the bill, the rest caused the water company to put a lean on the property. We moved out the next day. I still found myself longing to have Oneal in my life. I just wanted to be with someone that wouldn't turn their back on me when shit got hard. I felt like he was the only one that gave me that option and if I couldn't be with him I would never have that.

Years passed and the kids were teenagers and young adults now. I met this guy that told me the sweetest things and made me believe that every moment of his day was all about making me smile. I loved it, hell I felt like I deserved it. We ran a carwash together and it made me feel as though we were a team. Most of the time we would have house parties and cook outs; at first everything was lovely. Then the disrespect started at first it was his baby mama; who he happened to be still married to. Then it was ex girlfriends, people he met at the store and even females that I knew. We would fight and argue because I not onky noticed the disrespect but also addressed it right then and there. I started to feel like I wasn't worthy of the love I wanted. He had asked so many times; " Lena what makes you think you deserve anything more than what you have"? I always hated when he asked me that, like I committed a crime for wanting more out of life. I finally did realize that I deserved more. Hell, I was paying all the bills buying all the food and household things we needed. The only thing he supplied for four whole years was; dick weed alchol and the occasional bruise from us fighting. I woke up one morning and told myself this is not living.

The day I left I felt a heavy weight lifted from my shoulders. I will admit at first I was a llittle nervous, it had been a while since I had been by myself. The peaceful sleep was the best I ever had. I didn't have to explain why I cleaned the way I did. Most of all I didnt have to worry about not being appreciated and disrespected at the same time. My home was my castle and I answered to no one. The single life was the best; I couldn't have been more happy. When the children came over they felt like they were at home and not visiting a strangers house.