2. You know why.

Cletus stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at me with a searing anger in his eyes. I was afraid now, but I didn't preface it. I needed answers right now.

I've had enough! He is not going to scare me into silence this night;

I can't take it anymore;

 I can't live in fear of my husband, not anymore;

He abuses me and still cheats on me. I can't do it, I cried. Soon he was going to kill me if I stayed silent.

"Miracle, leave me alone now or you will regret ever laying those your filthy hands on me." He roared in my face, but I stood my ground even though my hands were shaking and my heart started beating wild.

 "I repeat, leave me be now, or you will suffer the repercussions, Miracle. Do not test me today, I am not in the mood."

His eyes were beginning to clear; the alcohol effect was wearing off rapidly. He was no longer struggling to maintain balance on his feet and this frightened me. The truth was alcohol never really did much to him. I realized this while we were still dating. It took a lot for him to get drunk and very little for him to get out of his drunken state.

Even though I was scared now, I still honored my resolve as tears continued to flow down my cheeks.

"I am not letting you go. You must answer me today. Tell me what I've done oh, tell me!" I yelled tightening my grip on his shirt.

"You don't want to let me go ba? Let me warn you now Miracle, If I should touch you, you will not live to tell the story. Leave me alone now, you slut!"

He pushed me away with so much force I almost hit my head on the wall. But that was not what hurt me the most, it was his words that cut me deep.

I stood still sobbing and shaking as I stared at him in pain.

"Ah Cletus so now you call me a slut! Cletus! Since when? Me, Miracle, a slut? After keeping myself for you all these years. After everything, after I rejected all the men that came for my hand in marriage just for you Cletus, for you! I kept myself for you until our wedding night and now you have the guts to call me a slut. Me, Miracle, your wife?"

"God why! Why do I have to go through this! Have I not worshipped you with all my heart? Have I not kept to the words of the Bible and the catechism?" I asked rhetorically, looking up at the ceiling, waiting for answers. Catarrh began to drool from my nose as a result of excessive crying. My head began to pound but I was carried away by the pain.

The worst part was not that he called me a slut, it was that he had no remorse whatsoever for doing so. It felt like he purposely wanted to cause me pain.

"Stop using that line on me like you don't know what you did. When you were sleeping with my boss, you didn't know you were married? You didn't know the words of the gospel and the words of the Bible? You didn't know all that when you went to a hotel with him and slept with him. You didn't think you should keep yourself for me abi?"

"You! You opened your legs wide for him to make use of you. And now you stand here crying, you hypocrite. You disgust me!" He screamed. He grabbed my shoulders pushing me back and forth angrily. I winced from the pain of his grip and I tried to get his hands off me.

I was sure that wherever he held me would bruise tomorrow because I was light in complexion and his grip was so tight. But it was not the bruise I was worried about it was his words.

"You are hurting me Cletus!" I cried out. "You know I had no choice it was either that or our daughter died. I couldn't stay still and watch my daughter die Cletus, I just couldn't. And besides you have been cheating on me way before then or have you forgotten?"

"Tell me, If I didn't do it, where would we have been now? In the slums. At least the only time I cheated, I did it for our family. Would you have had me choose my body over my daughter? Would you?" I asked crying.

I searched deeply into his eyes waiting for an emotion; even if it was pity - just the slightest bit of emotion, but I saw nothing. All I saw was a monster ready to devour me if I did not back away from him immediately.

"Oh! so now if I cheat, you cheat too. You have forgotten that I am a man and you are a woman. I am the head of this home and I can do whatever I like. Whatever! I can sleep with whomever I like too. You are under me. You should obey and respect me. You should be happy that I even come home to you."

"Some of my friends do not even bother going home to their wives, yet their wives do not complain or behave like rabid animals like you do, because they know their place. They know their place as subject to their husbands but you don't. Your parents sure did not prepare you for marriage and I will soon send you back to them so that they can train you well. I will not have a rabid dog in the same home with me, Never! You must learn your place - by hook or crook."

"Cletus, I loved you at all seasons; that's why I fought to be with you against all odds but our daughter's life was at stake and your boss was not going to help me until I slept with him. I begged him, I knelt down and cried to him but he turned a deaf ear to my plea."

"When the Doctor threatened that if we didn't pay the bills he was going to abruptly discharge Ezinne out of the hospital without performing the operation, I had no other choice but to give in. You had no money on you then and no bank was going to give you a loan without collateral or have you forgotten?"

"Remember that I tried every available means to raise the money but they all turned futile. I begged and cried, all I didn't do was steal or sleep around. I remained faithful to you and our vows. But when I could not raise the money before the day of the operation on Ezinne I had to give in to your boss's demands. You know that I had no other choice, my Ezinne's life was at stake."

"I am your wife, not your slave Cletus. Please stop all these things you do, you are killing me slowly, please. Let's just let go of the past and live happily, I beg of you."

"We are still young and still have lot of years by God's grace. Let's start all over again and make things right by each other as partners. We are husband and wife not slave and master. Please go back to the man I loved. This is not the Cletus I married."

"This man here is not whom you are. You were kind, loyal and loving when you didn't have much. Why not remain same? You know that my love for you is authentic, I was with you and fought by your side when you had nothing. So now that you have something, why not treat me right. "

"At least let me enjoy a little the fruit of my suffering. Please stop doing this to me. Stop ruining our marriage. Please I love you, Cletus. I belong to you and no other, you are my husband and my life. Even if for now you feel that you don't love me anymore, I promise to do anything you want me to in other to make you love me again. Just give me another chance."

"You own me and you know that. Please allow God to touch your heart so that you can change, please." I sobbed, hugging him tightly. My heart was starting to ache from all the tears.

"I have no time for this. Woman, learn your place. If you are going to keep living with me, you should know that you are doing so at your peril. If you can't take the way I treat you, then leave! It's that simple." He roared, finally letting go of me.

He pushed me with so much force I fell buttocks first on the hard tiled floor.

"Stay away from me!" He warned, before going up the stairs. I knew that at that point he felt something he didn't want to show. That's what he did; run away from me when he was beginning to feel, so I don't see the real him. Or maybe I was just imagining things and holding on to the tiniest glimmer of hope when there was fundamentally nothing.

We both knew that I couldn't leave him. Where would I start from? My parents won't accept me not after I disregarded their wishes and married Cletus. I had no job since Cletus felt insecure about me working.

I could not afford to leave home with my daughter and end up on the streets or forfeit custody of my daughter to the hands of Cletus. She would definitely never forgive me and would know nothing but unimaginable suffering if she stayed alone with him.

I couldn't leave Cletus also. He was my legally wedded husband and the church forbade divorce. I didn't want to sin against God by divorcing him. Besides I loved him so much and I made a vow to be with him for better or for worse; even though this marriage had always been for the worse.

If I should leave him, people would make jest of me. My friends and my relations would say, "I thought we told her not to get married to him? Now, she has run away from the exact marriage we warned her about."

They won't take pity on me, they would only laugh. I didn't want to be a laughing stock neither did I want to be a divorcee. I wanted to answer Mrs. and remain married. I wanted to make my home perfect, after the manner of my parents. I was too ashamed. I could not go back; neither could I fail.

Thinking about all of this, I had no choice but cry out to God for his intervention.

"Oh Lord where is the Cletus I married, Lord Where… Where? Please I need your help, bring him back to me please." I sobbed profusely. I picked myself from the ground, I slumped on the couch and rested my head on the arm chair.

That night, I cried myself to sleep asking God questions in frustration - even though I knew I would get no response.