3. Worry for me.

I woke up on the couch and was shocked to see that I wasn't carried to the room by my husband. I didn't think Cletus had the heart to leave me to sleep in the living room with all the mosquitoes and insects, but I was proven wrong again. It's like I never knew him. This was not the man I married.

Luckily for me, I didn't wake up too late to prepare breakfast. I looked up at the wall clock to see that it was just five o'clock in the morning - meaning that there was enough time for me to make rice and stew for breakfast so that my husband could eat before going to work and possibly take some with him.

There was also enough time to get my daughter dressed for school.

First of all, I had to start with a prayer for the day as every morning when I wake up, I made sure to thank God for another day and every night before my daughter sleeps, I pray with her.

Funny enough, when I was much younger - in my twenties, I wasn't a fervent prayer type of person. I had it all so I saw no reason to constantly keep in touch with God but after marriage, my relationship with God grew stronger because life became hard and I had to hope on something that could help me transform my husband whom I adored from being the monster he had turned into.

I had given up too much to be with him. My identity, my medical career, my family ties and other forms of socializations. I had given up all of it. I couldn't afford to fail and return to my parents; I was too ashamed to see their faces again. I had disobeyed them. I wished I had more friends but I wasn't allowed to leave the house.

I remembered that my Bible was upstairs and I intended to obtain it. I didn't want to wake Cletus up so early, nor did I want trouble or squabble, but I needed my bible.

When I got to my room, I shut the door behind me gently and walked to the bed side table with feathery footsteps. My Bible was just where I left it the previous morning but it was not what my eyes first caught sight of.

My eyes locked on the bed and refused to look anywhere else. Cletus slept with the lights on meaning that he was too tired when he got up.

Tired from fucking other women.

He was clad in just a boxer and his morning wood was sticking out of it. His dick was humongous, completely heavenly. Long, thick, veiny and could do things to a woman. Numerous things, as they had done to me.

I felt jealousy sear through me like a volcanic eruption of worldly feelings. To think that his dick had been in multiple other women other than I after our marriage was too painful to bear, but I still couldn't look away from them. I remembered the times when we were so happy and I would wake him up with my lips on his cock but now I couldn't.

If only his past wasn't so daunting, I may have had a better chance at making him love me forever. He was like this because of his past, I knew it and I had to save him.

Maybe God decided that for the purposes of equity, I deserved a little bit of suffering in my life; considering how free of toiling my childhood and youth had been courtesy of my Dad who loved me more than life itself and gave me more than I could ever ask for. Thinking about him made my heart ache terribly and I couldn't stop the tears from forming in my eyes and dropping.

 I inhaled deeply and picked up my bible. Looking at the room once again, I decided to clean it after Cletus left for work. His clothes were on the tiled floor and the arm chair by his work table. The bed side table and wardrobe was littered, I exhaled.

Today again, I would stay at home cleaning, like a domestic help when I had a degree in medicine from one of the best medical schools in the world and had parents who could employ a thousand workers.

It was all for Cletus. My love for him was unconditional and infinite. It was all for him. I was his wife and the most important thing was doing right by him.

I scurried downstairs, scared of what I might do if I kept staring at his morning wood the way I was. Last week I had touched him because I was so horny and he had almost broken my hand. I couldn't gamble my chances again. It was not just because I was afraid of him physically manhandling me but his uncouth words. I was avoiding his words because they stung.

The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt him by reminding him of his past. I picked up my rosary from the small altar on the wall of our parlor and started to sing praise and worship songs. I knelt down as tears started to fall down my cheeks. I was drowning in pain, fear, and abuse.

While our courtship was in infancy, Cletus would join me every morning for devotion. But as soon as we got married, he stopped totally. The last time I woke him up for prayers, the beatings I endured taught me numerous lessons. I wasn't ready for more classes.

Fear was all I felt these days.

After reciting the rosary, I read the missal's reading for the day and then Psalm 1.

After praying, I hurriedly went to prepare breakfast for the family, then I cleaned the whole house except my bedroom. By 6:30am, I was done.

It wasn't an easy task to do all alone especially since we stayed in a duplex but Cletus forbade me from getting a maid and I could not go against his wishes. He was my husband after all.

Doing all the cooking and cleaning didn't feel as stressful as it did at first. I soon became used to the routine. After all, I wasn't working and I was going nowhere. I barely had friends

I was no longer the rich senator's daughter who could have it all at a snap of her fingers. I was now Cletus's wife. All these ran through my mind as I served breakfast in my melancholy mood.

When I was satisfied with how neat the house was, I went upstairs to my daughter's room in other to get her ready for school. Cletus could wake himself up.

On getting to her room, I pushed the door open hoping that the noise would wake her up but it didn't. She was still fast asleep when I walked in, even with all the rays of the sun hitting her eyes from the window.

Not knowing how else to wake her up without hitting her or stressing myself more than I was already stressed, I carried her up and took her to the bathroom, then I undressed her. All this while she was still sound asleep. It was not until I poured water on her shoulder that she immediately woke up with a shudder.

She blinked her eyes continuously trying to clear her sight. When she saw me standing there by the bathtub she smiled.

"Mummy, good morning." She greeted.

"Good morning my princess." I answered. I bent down to peck her cheeks and tickled her. Her laughter echoed in the bathroom, a bubbly and happy laughter. I could not help but laugh too.

I was lucky that Cletus didn't hit me on my face yesterday so that at least my daughter won't see me bruised and be sad. Although my hands were sore, I was putting on a long sleeve shirt to shield it.

I wanted so much to hide the abusive nature of Cletus from our daughter but he wasn't helping matters. It hurts that he still beats me in the presence of our daughter. I knew that this affected her psychologically or was likely to affect her in some other way and it made me worried.

I didn't want her growing up to think that all men were evil and I have warned Cletus about this, but he never listened to me.

"Mummy I didn't see daddy come back yesterday," Ezinne suddenly said. By the look on her face, I could tell that she wasn't asking me a question but was informing me of a fact. I didn't see concern but worry.

Worry for me.