Sue
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they's suin' them cigarette companies fer causin' people to git cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants fer makin' them fat an' cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an' fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin' . . . What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?
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Take With Food
A man was suffering from impotence, so he went to see a specialist. The doctor gave him a prescription that he was to take faithfully three times a day, and always with food.
A couple of days later, the man was at a formal banquet and didn't want any of the other guests to spot and possibly identify his pink and purple capsule of medication. So, he instructed the waiter to empty the capsule into his soup, thinking he could eat his soup openly with everyone else, take his medication, and preserve his privacy all at the same time.
However, when the soup was served everyone received a bowl of it but the man, who began feeling conspicuous and angry. He confronted the waiter and asked why he hadn't been served his 'special' soup.
"Well, sir, I poured your medication into your bowl as instructed. Since then, I have been waiting for the noodles to lie down."