He doesn’t know the word for Disappointment

I turned to Ari as Mathews left and asked, "Are you okay?"

Ari nodded but he didn't look fine. I ran my hand through his hair and said, "It's okay. You know that nothing bad can happen to you when you are with us, right?"

He nodded again. I took a chance here and asked him another question I had been wanting to know the answer to, "Ari, are you afraid of Ms.Mathews?"

He turned his face to me in a flash as he was caught doing something he shouldn't have. There was fear and guilt on his face. Did she threaten him?

I lifted Ari up and sat him on my lap. Luke and Miraj both put their utensils down and were now paying attention to our conversation. I turned to the both of them and told them to be quiet.

Pablo, who had come in to clear the plates, saw me and I gestured at him to leave us alone.

I hugged my son tight and told him, "Baby, as long as you're in my arms you don't have to be scared of anything. Did she say something to you? Is that why you're scared of her?"

There wasn't any reply from him so this time I used different words but said the same thing, "Ari unless you tell me what's wrong, I won't be able to help you. So tell me if she said something scary to you, okay? Did she say something to you on the horse?"

"Not on the horse," came his faint reply.

"Then where?"

"She didn't say anything."

"Are you sure, baby?"

"Yes, mama."

I closed my eyes and thought about it. I couldn't figure out if he was telling the truth or lying to me out of fear. I thought of seeking Miraj's help but if I stop this conversation, I don't know when Ari would speak about it again.

"Okay, then. Did she do something to you that scared you?"

He opened his mouth to speak but hesitated then he shook his head. I wanted to know why he hesitated.

"Remember, Ari, I need to know everything to make sure she doesn't scare you again. So don't hide anything from me, please. Did she do something to you that made you afraid of her?"

"She smiled at me."

What?

"She smiled at you?" I repeated.

He nodded.

"And it scared you?"

"Because she smiled when I was on the horse and then the horse went mad."

"Do you think she made the horse run away?"

"No."

That was a very decisive 'no'. As if he knew, for sure, that she didn't do it.

"Then, do you know who made the horse run away?"

He nodded his head again and said, "I did."

I took a deep breath because it was getting difficult to put his thoughts in a straight line. But why did I expect anything else when I was talking to a 3 year old?

"What do you mean you did?"

He muscles his way out of my arms and I let him. He turned to me and in a fairly confident voice he said, "She smiled at me but I felt scared which is why Johnny was spoo-spool.."

"Spooked,"I finished for him and he nodded at me.

I had a clearer picture now but it still didn't make sense. I knew what was going on in Ari's head but was it really what happened?

"Why does her smile scare you?"

As I was still thinking Miraj asked Ari about the question I was slowly getting to. Ari turned to his father and I felt the shame before he lowered his eyes to the ground. I, immediately, turned to Miraj suspecting him to have said something to Ari before. If he tried to shame my son for being scared, I would break his legs. My husband or not, I won't freaking care.

Miraj looked at me confused and shook his head. He tried to take Ari away from me but I didn't want to let go. Miraj let out a heavy breath and said, "Eli, I want to talk to MY son. Let him go."

I shook my head at him and Ari saw it all since he had looked up when Miraj tried to take him. He said, "Mama, let me go to Dada, please."

I tsked at the father son duo before I let Ari go. He crawled from my lap to Miraj's and hugged his father tight. Miraj looked surprised, just as I was, but he hugged Ari back.

Probably taking advantage of the closeness Ari felt, Miraj asked him, "Ari, why didn't you answer my question earlier? Why did you act like you're afraid of me?"

"Because I thought you'll feel sad that I don't know why her smile scared me. I don't know it."

"Sad?" I asked.

Miraj replied, "He doesn't know the word for disappointment. He means I would be disappointed at him."

"Oh," I replied. As I processed what he said, I realised something. "Wait a minute! Ari why don't you worry about mama being sad for you? And why do you understand he meant 'disappointment' when I don't?" The second question was for Miraj.

"Because, mama, you never feel sad because of me. You are weird."

I was so surprised and all I could think was.. he knows the word 'weird'? How is it possible that I don't know all this?

Miraj laughed as he hid his face in Ari's neck and said to me from behind Ari, "That's the price you pay for coddling him no matter what. You don't get surprise hugs, mama."

As they sat together, the father and son looked the same with bright smiles on their faces when they laughed at me. I felt bliss right here.