Touch of a Finger

"Will you let me kill your beloved doctor and his daughter?"

He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes.

He asked me, "Why now?"

"Because I want to kill Tatiana. And then, obviously, comes the risk of the doctor betraying us. So I will have to kill him too."

"I thought we discussed this issue already, Eli. I am leaving for London tomorrow and she will be gone soon. We have other things to focus on right now and I need Mathews with me for what's to come next."

He was still laying back on the couch and I was standing in front of him. I felt like a child asking my parent for permission to do something I know they would say no to. This wasn't equal and I hated anything that made me feel lesser than him.

My anger started coming out through my words as I said, "That issue was about you betraying me for her but now I don't want to kill her because she is your ex but because she is messing with Ari's head. Her death is the swiftest way to deal with it-"

"What proof do you have that she actually did something? Ari is a three year old who finds a particular woman scary and it has been troubling him. But we have no proof that she did something, intentionally, to establish that fear."

He was so calm when he interrupted me, like he was dealing with a kid. I agree that he was, at most times, the more mature one in this relationship. But this time, that wasn't the case.

"Are you trying to defend her? After you saw what Ari was like tonight?" I practically screamed at him. I was losing my shit by the seconds.

He opened his eyes and looked at me from the side of his eye as he said, "No. I am not defending her. I am just stating the facts and trying to make you think about it objectively rather than emotionally!"

Hold the fuck up. There was nothing to be objective about here.

"Why? Why do I have to think about it objectively? Why can't I kill her after the show she put on today? Why can't I kill her just because she disrespected me and her face annoys me like nothing else?"

"Eli! You can't kill her because she reminds you of your past. History won't repeat itself. You have to let it go."

So we were both screaming now.

"Stop making it out like it's all in my head, Miraj. Why can't you think of this objectively? Why is Mathews so precious to you? Do you still feel like you owe your life to him? Or do you feel like he is the father you never had?"

He stood up and yelled, "Eli!"

I moved closer as I egged him on, "What? Did I touch a nerve Miraj? What are you gonna do about it?"

"Shut up!"

"Why should I? You think you have the freedom to talk to me about my emotional issues then shouldn't I have the same right?-"

I couldn't speak anymore as his hand went around my neck and he pushed me against a book shelf while choking me.

"I said shut up, Eli!"

I hit him in his knee before I ran out of air and strength. It didn't loosen his hold but he realised what he was doing. He let go immediately and I had a coughing fit, trying to breathe.

There was a bit of silence as we both tried to find our bearing. When I was fine, I saw how he was rubbing his face pretty hard like he was trying to wake himself up.

"I am fine," I said to help him let go of the guilt but I don't think he heard me. I was the one who triggered him even when I knew that he wasn't a normal man. He shouldn't be so hard on himself.

I walked up to him and forcefully removed his hands from his face. He tried at first to stop me but once he saw my face, he willingly let go.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I know. And I am perfectly fine. See, you didn't even leave a bruise."

I tilted my head back so he could see my neck and soon I felt the touch of his finger as it traced a ring around my neck, slowly and gently. I closed my eyes and let him check the area to his heart's content.

Honestly, I felt ashamed because he was feeling so guilty and all I could think was how hot the touch of that finger was.