Thought-27-My Goodbye.

It's at this point I realise how scared I am to fall in love again.

I don't know if it's my past experiences or this false guilt in my heart but something keeps me from being able to love without fear.

So afraid of losing the ones that love losing myself in this paranoia have brought on myself that I don't want to love.

It's an unreasonable fear but just like any fear I can just stop being afraid of it.

It's imbedded within me I can't just stop being who am  that's not how it works.

I'll continue living life in fear of love and do continue to fall in love with people but I don't know for ever failed to love like others do

I get it and not the only one who's afraid of relationships are afraid of the commitment that comes with it

Commitment not to being with one person but commitment to getting your happiness from one person.

Love such a big gamble and I never liked taking risk

Someone call me coward and I would say they're right

You like to think that we don't care about the opinions of others but were human we care about others about how they think of us.

We care how they feel and we care how they live

We're destined to live for someone else It's just a matter of if it's worth it

For years I was so tired of living and I lost myself in that feeling so much so that I just stopped feeling.

My first love brought me out of that and I am not sure from thankful for it.

Sometimes I regret being up to feel anything at all other times I feel like it's the biggest gift of been granted in this life.

Sometimes I hate him sometimes I realise how much I truly love in miss him.

He's here in my heart I never truly moved on, you never truly do.

It's a weight you have to carry forever, and the burden will either make you stronger or break you.

I miss you every day and I regret every moment I spent with you because they remind me that all never have more.

Memories of you always remind me that I never making anymore with you.

Memories of you are my dreams and my worst nightmares.

Sorry I write this today because I'm always thinking of you, and even though you'll never read this I hope you think of me too.

And I wish to say goodbye to all memories we had

To single kiss, Every single hug, All the glances and sneaking and nights under the moon

I want to say good bye to every memory we ever had because I need to move on

This one memory I'll always keep,

Do you remember that night we sat under the moon, it seemed like every single star was out

You were just sitting there the most beautiful person I've ever seen, just sitting in your backyard to you it might have felt like we were just sitting there.

But to me it was a little paradise,  I felt safe for the first time in my life.

For moment I felt like I was safe in this world like it wanted me like it wanted to protect me.

It felt like the stars in the skies were part of a huge shield, one that you put up there.

That moment is my everything, and I think about it every day.

You'll never truly understand how much you gave me.

But I hope that one day you might.