Thought-28-Tonight

I felt like talking again tonight.

Maybe this will become a daily thing I'm not sure.

The way the piano plays is so relaxing,

I would say it's music to my ears but you know

The way the piano notes sound and the way that the night looks, the warmth from the blanket and the cold that comes from the wind

It makes me feel a certain way, more free to talk.

The room almost feels like It's not so empty, like I'm actually talking to people.

Never mind that.

It's at moments like these that I feel no reason or stress to talk.

Everyday It's almost like a verbal battle and you lose if people find out how you really feel.

Nowadays you can't even feel apathetic without people being worried, so I'm forced to keep a smile on my face.

People need you to be energetic and full of joy constantly, you are not allowed to be sad.

No one wants to admit it but its the truth we don't like seeing people sad, Not that we feel sorry for them but it's unpleasant for us.

Its not wrong to feel uncomfortable when you're around someone who's sad or negative or whatever you want to call it.

It's wrong to not be able to admit it.

Regardless of who you are you'll be sad someday.

Chances are you already made your first sad memory,  And every time you see someone sad it just reminds you.

When did it become a competition, Why did we have to start comparing.

We started comparing people's loss to another's, Making people feel bad for feeling sad about something that we consider less.

But sadness is not measurable,  It's in the eye of the beholder.

It's like seeing a building from far or from up close, Depending on the distance you see a towering skyscraper or maybe you see a building the size of an ant

I grew up comparing my life to others, It's part of the reason why I never complained.

It's part of the reason why every time I was in pain whether it be physical or emotional I told no one.

I let the little problems stack up, till I was falling apart inside and out.

The pain was almost unbearable, I'd blackout at random moments, suddenly overwhelmed by fear and anxiety.

And yet I said nothing.

I said nothing until the damage was too much, and I realised that even if I said anything now it would be too late.

People would look at me and think I have everything put together, They would see me and see someone who listens someone who cares.

They would see me as someone happy, Someone who wants for nothing.

And I hate it all.

I was always there on the other side of the phone, I was there when you needed to talk.

When you had problems I was there to help you come up with a solution, Something that you wanted.

And when you wanted me to leave I left.

So why then would you never once just pick up the phone, and call me instead.

Ask me how I am,  Ask me if I'm in pain,

Ask me anything for once.

One sided love is tearing me apart, You take all I can give and you give it to someone else.

Like I'm some sort of gift that you didn't even want.

But i can only blame myself.

Another night passes and I am still thinking about all those I loved.

Who am I kidding I love them still.

I'm left behind, stuck in the past.

Good night, to all the memories.