Thought-4-Torn

It feel like yesterday, or a thousand years ago, sometimes it feels like it never happened. But their was a time when I didn't think, I just felt. Im hesitant to let anyone inside, my heart is wrapped in chains. Everytime I feel something it laches on, and when I let go it rips away a little part of me. But I'm torn, I lose a piece of myself but I become a little bit more free everytime.

Is there even a right answer at that point. I've lived a short amount of time, I haven't lived the longest life, but I feel like I've skipped right to the end. I'm tired. All these choices, they mess with my head. Every night when I fall asleep, I'm in pain. Every morning when I wake up, I'm in pain. Constant, slow, steady, pain. Unceasingly corrupting me.

We, humans, live with the knowledge that we will die. I never really thought about it, really think about it. Cut out the fantasy, it seems so...I'm not sure there's a word for it. So, lonely. I feel like when I die, I'll have achieved nothing on this planet. I won't be surrounded by loved ones, theres no one in that category.

There's a spot in my chest, it feels so empty. I can feel gravity collapsing in on it, like a blackhole. All that escapes is this pulsating feeling of boredom, and sadness, like everything's meaningless. I dont know how to feel about anything anymore, I'm torn. Whether to live or die, its never my choice. From birth only one right is yours, that can never be taken away.

The right to death.