Chapter 1: Ray

"Ray wake up!"

I was slapped awake by a ruler.

"What's this, the fourth time this month? Get a grip! Effort trumps genius you know!"

The teacher scolding me was like white noise. I didn't really care because I knew nothing would be done to me. As long as I maintained perfect test scores the higher ups in the school didn't care.

It's not that I don't get enough sleep, that night I did. It's just that, nothing in school challenges me. I'm not a real "genius" it's just that I thrive in school. I'm good at it. Memorizing boring facts and formulas is something I can do at a glance and it puts me ahead of everyone else.

I'd never make it in real academia but while standing on the shoulders of giants, school becomes easy, at least the grades side of it. I try to make friends I really do but, they all think I'm cocky and are under the impression that I have an arrogant attitude. I'll admit sometimes my ego does flare a bit but who could blame me? When everyone struggles at something natural to you, it's hard not to feel good about yourself.

The most human interaction I ever have is the teacher yelling at me or some kid I've never met asking for a study guide. I'd like to provide them with one but I don't study. I don't have a guide. I think it's too much to explain to them and I feel I'll be hated if I say I put in no effort so I just say "no, I'm sorry." It's only met with more rumors and collective hatred.

*diiiiing*

As I walk home, head pointed to the ground I wonder where the color in my life went. Where did the magic of the world disappear to? I look up and everything seems desaturated. The sky seems enclosed by the power lines complacent in its prison. I wonder how the sky feels? Could I call the sky a friend trapped like me?

I push my family's sad excuse for a door aside and walk in. I hear my parents arguing in the kitchen about money or something similar. I don't bother to try to stop or intervene at this point. I've gotten far too many bruises to make that mistake again. I walk past the scene and right into my room which is nothing more that a closet with barley enough room for a twin mattress and a shoddy nightstand. I lay down and wait.

After a while the fighting seems to settle down and my parents footsteps can be heard heading towards their room. It looks like there's no dinner tonight either. I sigh and reach in my nightstand drawer for a power bar one of my classmates unknowingly dropped three days ago. I carefully peel back the wrapper as to not destroy it and as not to alert my parents to the fact that I have food. I eat half in little bites trying to savor what I have but after eating I only seem more hungry. I save half of the bar however. I need to eat breakfast tomorrow morning.

I try to sleep as the night's cold wraps itself around me. It seems I stayed up too late as the cold is already unbearable. I guess I can sleep at school.

As I lay awake shivering I wonder what the "real world" entails. Perhaps it's my opportunity to escape this hell-hole but I'm convinced if I try to leave my parents will grip my ankles and squeeze till I drip blood and I give them the money they so desire. Will I even make it in a company? All I know is to memorize and take tests. Maybe college will train me to be a part of the workforce? But after lazing my whole life will I be able to force myself to keep up? Could I even get enough scholarships to pay for college?

Shit there I go again. I need to stop before I give myself another midnight panic attack. I should take a walk.

I get up and slowly creep outside. I walk around my overgrown yard still wearing my school clothes until I calm down. By the time I go back inside the moon is already three quarters of the way through its nightly run. I sigh and with difficulty close my eyes

* * *

I wake up to the sound of clattering metal. I know this all to well. The fighting is getting violent. I need to run before I get swept up in this mess.

I get up grab my backpack, bust out of my room and run like hell.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING!" I hear my mother yell at my back.

I ignore it and keep running. The dope will make them forget about it by the time I get back anyway.

When I'm about a quarter mile away from my house I stop running and try to catch my breath. Once my heart is beating calmly I reach in my back pack. FUCK! I left my bar in the nightstand! Shit now my fucking parents are gonna find it and eat it and smoke more god damn dope and I'm gonna get no dinner again!

I sit down on the curb and stare between my legs. I want to cry but no tears flow. I'm used to this by now. I just stare for a while and decide maybe I should make a change. I don't know what or how but maybe by some miracle some place will hire me and I can hide my money somewhere. Maybe I'll get away. Maybe I just won't go home. Yeah. That's a nice thought I won't go home. Sounds nice.

I get to school early. Like two hours early if I'm reading the clock through the window right. It can't be helped. I was rushed out the door before my alarm went off. Oh well. I sit on the curb and wait.

School gets unlocked and I walk to my classroom about half an hour early. I drift off. I guess I'll get up when it's time to.

* * *

I wake up to a quite a large commotion. Some kid I've never seen before was shouting like a lunatic. Maybe he's an underclassmen? Whoever he is, he's pissed about something. There's veins popping out all over his forehead and he's spitting as he yells. He's shouting about injustice or something like that and seems pretty passionate.

The teacher seems to be trying to calm him down by talking to him but of course it's not working. The kid's just shouting over him.

I don't really care about what he's saying and I don't think I'm alone in that sentiment. From my seat in the middle of the classroom I look around and see everyone else doing the same. It seems no one really knows what's going on.

I turn back to the main event and I see the kid step forward towards the class and yell "WHO'S WITH ME??!!"

No one says anything but the kid beside me snickers. This doesn't seem to escape the ears of the lunatic as he snaps his head and locks eyes with the unfortunate boy who couldn't contain himself. Then I saw it.

That look that I'm all too familiar with. Those eyes that kid had. They were the same. They were the same as the ones my parents get before they hit me the hardest. A look of hatred. A burn in their eyes before they gloss over. Then, without emotion, they strike. I knew what was coming. How fucking stereotypical of an American high school. My prediction was further confirmed by the boy reaching for something in his belt.

The inevitable was coming but I seem to have noticed his intent before anyone else. I didn't know what I could do though. Do I push the victim out of the way? Yeah, yeah that seems right then maybe the teacher will tackle that lunatic yeah. Let's try that I think and maybe I'll push him and duck to save myself alright let's try it.

I ran and pushed my desk neighbor out of the way. He fell pretty quickly but, I realized I didn't have time to duck. Shit.

*BANG*

It wasn't hard to realize that I got shot but pain didn't come immediately. It felt like a small rock struck me in the chest and nothing more.

During this painless period it seems the teacher tackled the lunatic kid and it seems he was under wraps. "Good," I thought "At least I did something." Then the pain from hell began.

It was hot. Very hot. Even, prickly maybe? It was like someone was constantly poking me with a million hot needles all throughout my chest but far more painful than the sensation a needle could produce.

I collapsed. I think people rushed to me but I honestly don't remember. The pain took over everything. It consumed my very being until I had one very simple thought.

"I'm going to die."

It's a thought that seems only natural in the type of situation I found myself in. In fact I knew it was an inevitable thought I'd have at some point in my life but the prospect of death at this moment and not sometime in the future sent me into anguish.

There are no words to describe that kind of breakdown. Helplessness, fear, anger, regret, sadness, pain, and longing all at once in the largest quantity imaginable. I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack as I was dying.

The worst part was even though I was surrounded by my classmates and I just saved someone's life, I knew no one would remember anything about me other than my death and despite my sacrifice and selflessness I was alone in my existence and would be alone in my nonexistence. Isolation hurt worse than any damn punch or bullet ever could.

I uttered no words. Just panicked until my brain stopped working and I passed out cold never to awaken again.