Chapter 4: Diary of a Wimpy Kid

(Sunday)

Rowley ended up getting grounded for that whole

haunted house mess yesterday. He's not allowed to

watch tv for a week, and he's not allowed to

have me over at his house during that time.

That last part really isn't fair, because that's

punishing me, and I didn't even do anything

wrong. And now where am I supposed to play

my video games?

Anyway, I felt kind of bad for Rowley. So

tonight, I tried to make it up to him. I turned

on one of Rowley's favorite tv shows, and I

did a play-by-play over the phone so he could

kind of experience it that way.

I did my best to keep up with what was going on

on the screen, but to be honest with you, I'm

not sure if Rowley was getting the full effect.

(Tuesday)

Well, Rowley's grounding is finally over, and just

in time for Halloween, too. I went up to his

house to check out his costume, and I have to

admit, I'm a little jealous.

Rowley's Mom got him this knight costume that's

Way cooler than his costume from last year.

His knight outfit came with a helmet and a shield

and a real sword and eVerytHinG.

I've never had a store-bought costume before.

I still haven't figured out what I'm gonna go as

tomorrow night, so I'll probably just throw

something together at the last minute. I figure

maybe I'll bring back the Toilet Paper Mummy again.

But I think it's supposed to rain tomorrow

night, so that might not be the smartest choice.

In the past few years, the grown-ups in

the neighborhood has been getting cranky about

my lame costumes and I'm starting to think it's

actually having an effect on the amount of candy

I'm bringing in.

But I don't really have time to put together a

good costume, because I'm in charge of planning

out the best route for me and Rowley to take

tomorrow night.

This year I've come up with a plan that' l gelt us

at least twice the candy we scored last year.

*Halloween*

About an hour before we were supposed to start

trick-or-treating, I still didn't have a costume.

At that point, I was seriously thinking about

going as a cowboy for the second year in a row.

But then Mom knocked at my door and handed

me a pirate costume, with an eye patch and a

hook and everything.

Rowley showed up around 6:30 wearing his

knight costume, but it didn't look AnytHinG

like it looked yesterday.

Rowley's mom made all these safety improvements

to it, and you couldn't even tell what he was

supposed to be anymore.

She cut out a big hole in the front of the helmet

so he could see better and covered him up in all

this reflective tape. She made him wear his winter

coat underneath everything, and she replaced his

sword with a glow stick.

I grabbed my pillowcase, and I and Rowley

started to head out. But Mom stopped us before

we could get out the door.

Man, I should have known there was a catch

when Mom gave me that costume.

I told Mom there was no WAy we were taking

Manny with us, because we were going to hit 152

houses in three hours. And plus, we were going

to be on Snake Road, which is way too dangerous

for a little kid like Manny.

I should never have mentioned that last part,

because the next thing I knew, Mom was telling

Dad, he had to go along with us to make sure we

didn't step foot outside our neighborhood. Dad

tried to squirm out of it, but once Mom makes up

her mind, there's no way you can change it.

Before we even got out of our own driveway, we

ran into our neighbor Mr. Mitchell and his kid

Jeremy. So, of course, they tagged along with us.

Manny and Jeremy wouldn't trick-or-treat at any

houses with spooky decorations on them, so that

ruled out pretty much every house on our block.

Dad and Mr. Mitchell started talking about

football or something, and every time one of them

wanted to make a point, they'd stop walking.

So we were hitting only about one house every

twenty minutes.

After a couple of hours, Dad and Mr. Mitchell

took the little kids home.

I was glad because that meant me and Rowley

could take off. My pillowcase was almost empty,

so I wanted to make up as much time as possible.

Alittlewhilelater, Rowley told me he needed a

"potty break."Imadehimholdoffforanother

forty-five minutes.Butbythetimewegottomy

grandma's house,itwasprettyclearthatifIdidn't

letRowleyusethebathroom, it was going to get messy.

So I told Rowley if he wasn't back outside in

one minute, I was gonna start helping myself to

his candy.

After that, we headed back out on the road.

But it was already 10:30, and I guess that's

when most grown-ups decide Halloween is over.

You can kind of tell because that's when they

start coming to the door in their pajamas and

giving you the evil eye.

We decided to head home. We made up a lot of

time after Dad and Manny left, so I was pretty

satisfied with how much candy we took in.

When we were halfway home, this pickup truck

came roaring down the street with a bunch of

high school kids in it.

The kid in the back was holding a fire extinguisher,

and when the truck passed by us, he opened fire.

I have to give Rowley credit because he blocked

about 95% of the water with his shield. And if

he hadn't done that, all our candy would have

gotten soaked.

When the truck drove away, I yelled out something

that I regretted about two seconds later.

The driver slammed on the brakes and he turned

his truck around. I and Rowley started running,

but those guys were right on our heels.

The only place I could think of that was safe

was Gramma's house, so we cut through a couple

backyards to get there. Gramma was in bed

already, but I knew she keeps a key under the

mat on her front porch.

Once we got inside, I looked out the window to see

if those guys had followed us, and sure enough,

they did. I tried to trick them into leaving, but

they wouldn't budge.

After a while, we realized the teenagers were

going to wait us out, so we decided we were just

gonna have to spend the night at Grandma's.

That's when we started getting cocky, making

monkey noises at the teenagers and whatnot.

Well, at least I was making monkey noises.

Rowley was kind of making owl noises, but I

guess it was the same general idea.

I called Mom to tell her we were going to crash

at Grandma's for the night. But Mom sounded

really mad on the phone.

She said it was a school night, and that we had

to get home right that instant. So that meant

we were gonna have to make a run for it.

I looked out the window, and this time, I didn't

see the truck. But I knew those guys were hiding

somewhere and were just trying to draw us out.

So we snuck out the back door, hopped over

Gramma's fence, and ran all the way to Snake

Road. I figured our chances were better there

because there aren't any streetlights.

Snake Road is scary enough on its own without

having a truckload of teenagers hunting you

down. Every time we saw a car coming, we dove

into the bushes. It must've taken us a half

hour to go 100 yards.

But believe it or not, we made it all the way

home without getting caught. Neither one of us

let our guard down until we got to my driveway.

But right then, there was this awful scream, and

we saw a big wave of water coming toward us.

Man, I forgot all about Dad, and we totally

paid the price for it.

When I and Rowley got inside, we laid out all

our candy on the kitchen table.

The only things we could salvage were a couple of

mints that were wrapped in cellophane, and the

toothbrushes Dr. Garrison gave us.

I think next Halloween I'll stay home and

mooch some Butterfingers from the bowl Mom

keeps on top of the refrigerator.