Chapter 6: Diary of a Wimpy Kid

(Saturday)

I couldn't wait to start my weight-training

program today. Even though Mom wouldn't let

me get the equipment I needed, I wasn't going

to let that hold me back.

So I went into the fridge and emptied out the

milk and orange juice and filled the jugs with

sand. Then I taped them to a broomstick, and

I had myself a pretty decent barbell.

After that, I made a bench press out of an

ironing board and some boxes. Once I had that

all set, I was ready to do some serious lifting.

I needed a spotting partner, so I called

Rowley. And when he showed up at my door

wearing some ridiculous getup, I knew I made

a mistake inviting him.

I made Rowley use the bench press first, mostly

because I wanted to see if the broomstick was

going to hold up.

He did about five reps, and he was ready to

quit, but I wouldn't let him. That's what a

good training partner is for, to push you

beyond your limits.

I knew Rowley wasn't going to be as serious

about weight lifting as I was, so I decided to

try out an experiment to test his dedication.

In the middle of Rowley's set, I went and got

this phony nose and mustache Rodrick has in his

junk drawer.

And right when Rowley had the barbell in the

"down" position, I leaned over and looked at him.

Sure enough, Rowley totally lost his

concentration. He couldn't even get the barbell

off his chest. I thought about helping him out,

but then I realized that if Rowley didn't get

serious about working out, he was never going to

get to my level.

I eventually had to rescue him, because he started

biting the milk jug to let the sand leak out.

After Rowley got off the bench press, it was

time for my set. But Rowley said he didn't feel

like working out anymore, and he went home.

You know, I figured he'd pull something like that.

But I guess you can't expect everyone to have

the same kind of dedication as you.

(Wednesday)

Today in Geography we had a quiz, and I have

to say, I've been looking forward to this one for

a long time.

The quiz was on state capitals, and I sit in

the back of the room, right next to this giant

map of the United States. All the capitals are

written in big red print, so I knew I had this

one in the bag.

But right before the test got started, Patty

Farrell piped up from the front of the room.

Patty told Mr. Ira that he should cover up the

United States map before we got started.

So thanks to Patty, I ended up flunking the

quiz. And I will definitely be looking for a way

to pay her back for that one.

(Thursday)

Tonight Mom came up to my room, and she had a

flyer in her hand. As soon as I saw it, I knew

eXActly what it was.

It was an announcement that the school is having

tryouts for a winter play. Man, I should have

thrown that thing out when I saw it on the

kitchen table.

I begged her not to make me sign up. Those

school plays are always musicals and the last

thing I need is to have to sing a solo in front

of the whole school.

But all my begging seemed to do was make Mom

more sure I should do it.

Mom said the only way I was going to be

"well-rounded" was by trying different things.

Dad came into my room to see what was going on.

I told Dad that Mom was making me sign up for

the school play, and that if I had to start

going to play practices, it would totally mess up

my weight-lifting schedule.

I knew that would make Dad take my side. Dad

and Mom argued for a few minutes, but Dad was

no match for Mom.

So that means tomorrow I've got to audition

for the school play.

(Friday)

The play they're doing this year is "The Wizard

of Oz." A lot of kids came wearing costumes for

the parts they were trying out for.

I've never even seen the movie, so for me, it

was like walking into a freak show.

Mrs. Norton, the music director, made everyone

sing "My Country ' is Tof Thee" so she could hear

our singing voices. I did my singing tryouts with

a bunch of other boys whose moms made them

come, too. I tried to sing as quietly as possible,

but of course, I got singled out, anyway.

I have no idea what a "soprano" is, but from

the way some of the girls were giggling, I knew

it wasn't a good thing.

Tryouts went on forever. The grand finale came

with auditions for Dorothy, who I guess is the

lead character in the play.

And who should try out first but Patty Farrell.

I thought about trying out for the part of the

Witch, because I heard that in the play, the

Witch does all sorts of mean things to Dorothy.

But then somebody told me there's a Good Witch

and a Bad Witch, and with my luck, I'd end up

getting picked to be the good one.

(Monday)

I was hoping Mrs. Norton would just cut me from

the play, but today she said that everyone who

tried out is going to get a part. So lucky me.

Mrs. Norton showed "The Wizard of Oz" movie

so everyone would know the story. I was trying

to figure out what part I should play, but

pretty much every character has to sing or dance

at one point or another. But about halfway

through the movie, I figured out what part I

wanted to sign up for. I'm going to sign up to

be a Tree, because 1) they don't have to sing

and 2) they get to bean Dorothy with apples.

Getting to peg Patty Farrell with apples in

front of a live audience would be my dream come

true. I may actually have to thank Mom for

making me do this play once it's all over.

After the movie ended, I signed up to be a Tree.

Unfortunately, a bunch of other guys had the

same idea as me, so I guess there are a lot of

guys who have a bone to pick with Patty Farrell.

Wednesday

Well, like Mom always says, be careful what you

wish for. I got picked to be a Tree, but I

don't know if that's such a good thing. The

Tree costumes don't actually have armholes, so

I guess that rules out any apple-throwing.

I should probably feel lucky that I got a

speaking part at all. They had too many kids

trying out, and not enough roles, so they had

to start making up characters.

Rodney James tried out to be the Tin Man, but

he got stuck with being the Shrub.

(Friday)

Remember how I said I was lucky to get a

speaking part? Well, today I found out I only

have one line in the whole play. I say it when

Dorothy picks an apple off my branch.

That means I have to go to a two-hour practice

every day just so I can say one stupid word.

I'm starting to think Rodney James got a better

deal as the Shrub. He found a way to sneak a

video game into his costume, and I' l belt that

really makes the time go by.

So now I'm trying to think of ways to get Mrs.

Norton to kick me out of the play. But when

you only have one word to say, it's really hard to

mess up your lines.