Fifteen

BK 2 chapter 15

      I ran to my room hastily without glancing back at the people I left in the sitting room. I banged the door loudly after me and slumped down the door.

Why me?!.

Why can't I be free for once?!.

The pounding on the door intensified, never ceased to stop as I was hearing Maryam and Abdulrahman the other side of the door, urging me to open but I didn't answer them. By the time they realized I would not answer their request by opening the door, they left me alone to wallow in my self-pity.

"Ya Allah!, why?" I sobbed loudly, hot tears streaming down my cheeks with my fingers trembled.

"These are too much for me, I never pray for these oh Allah" I went on. "Ya Allah, I know this is my challenge, please help me. You are the one who saved prophet Yunus inside the belly of the fish. Please help me. Give me steadfastness, perseverance and  patience in my belief and faith" I prayed silently with tears brimming out of my eyes ducts.

I stood up to pray to Allah because he is the all hearer and the seer. He knows what I  wanted and what I needed. He heard my prayers. And I remembered my mom's saying "when you are; depressed, sad, heartbroken or don't have the will to move on, just read the words of Allah, it will ease you".

"Allah I'm overcome, come thou my help. Surely, I know with every difficulty is ease, Allah please ease my affairs. And it is written in the Quran that ' no evils befall on the earth nor in your souls, but it is in a book before we bring it into existence. Surely that's easy to Allah: so that you may not grieve for what has escaped you, nor be exultant at what He has given you; and Allah doesn't love any arrogant booster'. Allah forgive me for all what I've missed or misdo, ya Allah you are the most forgiver and the most pardoner." I whispered silently. No need for me shouting, because Allah knew what I wanted to say before saying it. And Allah said 'And certainly We created man, and We know what his mind suggests to him, and We are nearer to him than his life-vein'.

Sometimes what you needed might not be what you wanted, and what you wanted might not be what you needed but He knew what your heart desired.

"Ya Allah, grant me my heart desires".

After I was done with my nafilah (two volunteer prayers), I went to the kitchen to quench my thirst after so many cries. When Abdulrahman saw me entering the kitchen, he stood up and walked towards me.

"Sophia, I understand," he murmured softly, "no need of talking. We are going to pass through, it's just an obstacle that needs to be solve" he patted my hands and pecked my forehead which lingered.

"Your mom has called earlier," he informed me.

"What did you tell her," I asked with hoarseness in my voice.

"I told her.." I cut him off, "please don't tell her anything. I don't want to bother her with this" I whispered.

"I understand. Come here dear" he motioned for me to come nearer.

He took my hand and made me sit on the couch. He held me closer to him, making me snuggled to his chest, the rhythm and of his heart, luring me soothingly.

He read some verses of the  Quran to me softly, my heart was contented, my tensed shoulder was eased with the recitation and I was lured to a peaceful dreamless sleep.

~**~

"Mom I'm not goi-ng to that scho-ol a-gain" Abdullah huffed angrily and sat beside me.

"What happened Bibi?" I took his hand and drew him towards it. I caressed his face while pecking him all over his face.

"My class-ma-te are moc-king me be-cause of my tal-king" he muttered.

Oh, my baby!.

My heart bleeds.

My baby!.

"Who?" I asked with concern.

"The tea-chers al-so moc-ked me, they won't stop them. Tea-chers don't a-llow me to talk be-cau-se I a-a-am" he was sobbing profusely, "dis-tur-bing" he was breathing heavily. He needed to breathe orelse he would go into a panic attack.

"Abdullah sweetie, breath for mom," I instructed worriedly.

"No-ooo mooooommmy" his eyes dilated, his chest heaving vigorously.

"Ch-es-t pa-in-ing" he touched his chest painfully, smacking his chest softly.

"Baby breath!" I cried out while shaking him.

"I I I cannot breath".

"In baby" he inhaled.

"Out baby" he exhaled.

"That is it, baby, breath for mom," I said softly, patting his hands.

When he had relaxed, I cradled him on my lap while peppering all his face with kisses.

He is alright and fine!.

Nothing happened.

My baby is okay!.

My baby!.

"Mo-mmy crying?" He asked softly.

I wiped my tears quickly, shaking my head, "no baby, something entered my eyes" I sniffled.

My baby is my life!.

He is my everything!.

Alhamdulillah he's okay!.

I couldn't have him sick again!, I thought.

"Mo-mmy do-n't cry be-cau-se of me. I hate see-ing you cry-ing. I'm a bad ch-ild. It's a bad ch-ild who ma-kes his pa-rents to cry, '' he said dejectedly, staring at the floor unhappily.

"No baby,you are the best baby any parents will ever wish for" I kissed his forehead adorably. Staring at him happily.

My living dua*!.( prayers).

I was really grateful to Allah for blessing me with him.

"A-bout scho-ol..." he said, pouting his lips.

I cut him off, I didn't want him to get into another fit of panic attack.

"What should we do today?" I changed the subject.

"Cartooon" he beamed with happiness.

Alhamdulillah, he had forgotten but he would soon ask of it again.

~**~