Chapter 35: Penance

I woke up with a start. I felt the presence of someone sitting next to me in the bed. I opened my eyes to the sight of my mom looking at me. The concerned look on her face confirmed my fear that there was probably no news of Joe or Abhinu. No one knows where they were or if they were alright. After what I have been constantly reading from Abhinu's journal my intuition was leading me to believe that Uncle Banerjee is somehow involved in their kidnapping.

My train of thought was disturbed by a familiar voice calling "Honey, is everything alright?"

"Yes Mom, I was just thinking about Dada and Abhinu."

Mom hugged me tightly in her arms as if to squash my worries. She looked worried but was trying her level best not to reveal any sign of stress or fear in front of me.

She replied "Don't worry dear. we will find them very soon. It's just a matter of time before we catch Mr. Banerjee and eventually, everything will be alright."

As I was about to say something Dad who was sitting on the corner of the room, with his legs folded and was listening to our conversation suddenly spoke up "Sweety, there is some good news."

This was a word that I have not heard since the day of the kidnapping. With the hope to hear something good, I smiled and asked excitedly, "Does it mean that you have been able to find some information as to where Abhinu or Dada is?"

Sensing my enthusiasm, my mother frowned and clarified, "Well honey... Sorry to disappoint you but its something else." she paused for a while, took a deep breath and continued, "Your Nishi Kaku and his team were able to locate Amaya a couple of days back. She was found in a very weak state and was delirious."

"It looked like she has been deprived of food or water for a few days, maybe from the very day she was kidnapped. She has been given medical treatment in Nishi sir's home and now she is well. He is bringing her to the camp now and should be here in the next couple of hours."

"We believe she might have seen the faces of the kidnappers and we want to try to find out what she knows. Let's hope we find something about them."

I couldn't believe what I have just heard. Atleast I am happy that Aamaya di is still alive. I looked at dad and asked, "I wonder how she would react when she comes to know about the death of her family and her dad is on the run."

Dad taunted me by saying "Wow... My little angel is all grown up and mature and is talking like an adult."

"Come on dad... I am only concerned" I replied

Dad sat on the bed and softly pulled my cheek "Its ok honey, I know you are worried, and believe me today is the proudest moment of my life."

"What did I do dad?" I asked.

"I know you have seen a lot of things in the past 9 years. A lot of good things and probably a lot of bad memories which might have haunted you a lot. Amidst all those after what you came to know about Aamaya and what she has done to Abhinu, you are still worried about her that explains a lot. Had I or your mom would have been in your place, we would not have forgiven her for what she did." replied dad.

It was a proud moment for me and without giving a blink I hugged dad tightly and didn't feel like letting him go. Suddenly dad patted my head softly with his right hand and then I heard Mom's voice. "Honey... we need to talk to you about something."

I let go of dad and sat on the bed once again. "What... Mom…"

Dad continued "Honey, there is something I need to confess to you. A grave error in judgment led to the destruction of someone's life. Please don't hate me after what I am about to reveal to you."

"Dad, you are scaring me. What are you talking about?" I asked with a worried look.

"It is a mistake I did 6 years ago, I was given a chance to prevent the trauma that your dear friend Abhinu had to suffer all these years and I failed. My dereliction has led to the dire consequences that have befallen him."

"I don't understand Dad? What mistake are you talking about?" I asked.

Dad continued, "If only I had believed in what Abhinu confided in me that fateful evening, all this pain and suffering could have been averted."

"What are you implying…? Stop beating round the bush dad."

He took a deep breath and continued, "Remember the journal pages your Mom asked you to go through. If you have read them thoroughly, you must have come across the familiar name Jairus Christopher. It was none other than I, whom Abhinu met the day he fled from Kolkata."

"He handed me 2 letters that day which he expected me to read them. If only I had not forgotten about those letters he gave me that day, the series of events that have transpired over the last few days could have been forestalled and nobody would have been in any danger and Koushik would not have been fighting for dear life."

It was getting difficult for me to digest what I was hearing from dad, but I tried to muster up the courage to continue listening to him.

"I nearly forgot about those letters, however one day when your brother came back from the hospital, he left the manuscript on the sofa and went to take a bath. I went thorugh a few pages of the journal and happened to find the name Abhinu Banerjee. The name Abhinu reminded me of the child of Lt. Col. Banerjee. The memories of the past suddenly came rushing back to me. It reminded me of the child I met 6 years ago and the letters he gave me. He had a good resemblance, however, I was not sure of certain facts and so against my better judgment I began searching for the letters he gave to me before he left."

"After going through the letters, I contacted Dr. Prathama Sen to confirm my doubts."

"What doubts? I don't understand…"

"I had a candid conversation with Dr Sen about the boy. She went on to assert how she believed that Abhinu has been subjected to surgical treatments and transformations which puts his gender identity into question for her. The family might have introduced him as a boy to her, but her own observations and check-up contradicted their words."

"How?"

"She believed that the level of surgeries and medical invasion committed on his body suggested a very long but botched up sex re-assignment process. The frequency and carelessness with which these surgical procedures were conducted appalled her medical consciousness. If I had not intervened and explained to her about his situation, she might have called the police. But it was perfectly clear that Abhinu's identity would have been lost if there would have been any further delay in his rescue."

Dad's voice grew mournful as he continued "I feel bad for my part in not believing his story six years ago. There is a remarkable change in the boy I met that day and the timid tortured person who was under Dr. Sen's care that day, which has nothing to do with his growing up and everything with the medical nuisances he had to endure these six years."

I was not sure how to react to what I just heard. Should I be mad at dad for not believing in Abhinu that day or be grateful to him that he is doing everything in his power to help him out?

I continued "What was in those letters?"

"Before I tell you about it, there is something else we have to discuss with you first," replied Dad.

"What..." I asked.

"Whatever we are going to tell you, I want you to think properly before you make any decision."

"What do you want to talk about dad," I asked.

"We don't know how to break this news to you," they both said together.

I looked at their faces and asked "Mom... Dad... what's wrong... You guys are scaring me..."

"Actually it has got something to do with your best friend Abhinu" Replied Mom.

Their suspense was about to kill me, "Come on guys... your suspense is killing me."

"Your dad and I are thinking about going to be the legal guardians for Abhinu." replied mom.

I couldn't believe what I have just heard but then mom continued "We were actually thinking about going for adoption, but in his case, I guess he is not going to trust anyone easily, so..." I interrupted mom, hugged her tight, and replied: "I am with the two of you, he will trust me."

"Before you make any decision, I want you to hear us first." said mom.

I let go off her and replied "ok..."

She continued "I think your dad would be the right person to tell you everything."

Dad started "When Abhinu was born, I was asked to be his godfather. Abhinu's mom was Christian hence he was also baptized. I and Lt. Col. Banerjee were batchmates and our first field posting was at INS Baaz. INS Baaz is a Joint-Services Armed Forces base and even though he was in the Army, he was posted there."

"We had an understanding that if anything would have happened to either of us, we will take care of the other family. When Abhinu was 2 years old, Col. Banerjee lost his wife to cancer."

"Abhinu was very young back then. He probably doesn't even recall his mom at all. His dad decided to raise him all alone. Lt. Col. Banerjee's was later posted to Ladakh and I was assigned 2IC of INS Magar. We didn't see each other after that. A couple of postings and then one day I came to know that Lt. Col. Banerjee has been martyred. His last posting was in Purulia with the Military Intelligence. He shared a letter with me where he told me that he had to leave his only son with his sister's family and asked me to keep a watch over his child."

"The letter also mentioned about a Will he left for me at Abhinu's Mother's house in Purulia. However because of my posting, I was not able to get there for nearly a year."

"Later on I came to know that the child protective services gave the legal guardianship to the Banerjee's. I was happy when I came to know about that, as I thought blood relatives would be a better choice to take care of him, then someone whom he never knew. I was never really a part of his childhood."

"But dad you just said you were there when he was baptized. How come he didn't recognise you that day?" I interrupted.

"Well... he was only 3 months old when he was baptized. After that, we met during his mom's funeral. He was only 2 years old back then. I never saw him since."

"Seeing how you were fated to be his guardian a long time ago, and all the pain and suffering he has gone through, I support your decision. Abhinu was, is and always will be my best friend." I added.

However, I just couldn't digest this revelation about dad and Abhinu's father knew each other. As I was deep in thought dad continued, "11 months after Lt. Col Banerjee's death, My leaves were finally granted. The first thing I did was to go to Purulia and search for the will. The day I was in that house to searching for the will, I stumbled upon Abhinu. I introduced myself as the caretaker. I came to know that he ran away from home. He confided everything with me. Including the part about being made to live like a girl and getting assaulted by his classmates and his sisters being privy to the incident."

"For some reason, the allegations were so preposterous that I couldn't believe anything he said. However as a man in uniform, and being a graduate in Criminology, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. In case there was any grain of truth in what he told me, I owed it as a friend to protect his son."

"I requested a friend of mine to get in touch with his guardians in Kolkata and perform a background check on them. He came to know from the family that ever since his father's death, he had become a different person. He quarrelled with one of his friends and was expelled from school. He also said that he tried to harm himself a couple of times and once he even took a stud gun to puncture his nostrils. They told me that he was getting psychiatric help when one day he suddenly disappeared. The family was searching relentlessly for him and was very distressed."

"Hearing all these my doubts got the better of me and I considered his actions to be that of a misguided child. All his actions seemed to be the reactions of a very young kid who has recently lost someone very dear."

"At that moment I felt that having the family close to him would help him recover, so against my better judgment, I finally decided to call up the cops and share his location with them."

I was in shock at the sudden revelation from dad. My dad was my superhero, but how could he make such a bad judgment when it concerned Abhinu. I raised my hands and covered my mouth in shock. "HOW CAN YOU DO THIS DAD???"

I started crying and shouted "I thought you are the smartest man in the world, you had a chance to help him and decided not to... HE WAS YOUR GOD SON..."

Mom hugged me and tried to console me and said "Honey… please don't come to any conclusion… Please listen to what he has to say first."

"When the cops came in, I was informed that Abhinu was delusional and suffering from NSSI(Non suisidal Self Injury) and Transvestic Disorder and the doctor who accompanied the cops convince me that the Banerjee's would be the better choice for him to get well…"

"I was still not convinced by what the doctor told me and so, after he left, I tried to get in touch with a friend of mine Dr. Jessica Z. Upon talking to her, she told me that firstly 7-year-old can suffer from NSSI or Transvestic Disorder, however there is no way a 7 year old can suffer from delusional disorder. It was a fact that he has lost the person who was dearest to him… but that loss will never lead him to become delusional. As a matter of fact Dr. Jessica was ready to stake her career for it."

"However Jessica also stated that there can be another possibility… if the child is being tortured at home, and what if the child is not transvestic, but is actually being made to live like a girl, or is a subject of some experiment and is being administered antidepressants, that would replace his emotion by an emotional inertness, in that child will neither able to cry nor be happy. The child will not be able to respond with the same level of emotions that a regular human being would feel under the effect of antidepressants… If a child is under the effect of antidepressants, any doctor would come to a conclusion that the child would be delusional because of his emotional inertness."

"Jessica theory made sense, but I would require proof to rescue Abhinu. Just on the basis of a theory, I wouldn't be able to take any action. So my next plan of action was to go to Kolkata and find out more about him from his school."

"After talking to the principal of the school I came to know that he was a brilliant child, a very good athlete, and he was also selected for the national basketball team. As a matter of fact he was also approached by the sports body to represent the district in karate however he declined the offer. The principal also confirmed that he has never showed signs of any trauma and even his classmates and quite a few seniors had only good things to tell about him. I was baffled when I came to know about the incident that led to his expulsion."

"Jessica told me that someone like him who is generally calm and compose, and as trained martial artist he would know very well how to control his anger. She believed that there is a certainty that he was administered certain medicine that day that turned him violent, however she cannot come to any conclusion till she can have a session with him. I even went to the SAI centre where everyone had only good things to say about him."

"So what did you do next?"

"I extended my leaves and kept a constant watch over the house for 2 weeks. I never saw the child step out of the house for a single day." Dad paused and then he asked me "Honey… do you remember you once called me and told me about a friend of yours who was subjected to a weird ceremony and 2 of the boys misbehaved with him… and you asked me what should you do���"

"Yes…"

"Well I didn't have any answer to it that day… however do you remember something happened at the balcony of their house a week later…"

"Uu…Huuu… Sohama and Grihamani came and begged forgiveness from Abhinu…"

"Yes you are right… remember that day a lady came to your house with one of your classmates…"

"Yes… she was Rinku's mom…"

"Well… she is nowhere related to Rinku… she was a friend of Dr. Jessica… I asked her to go to the house and have a session with Abhinu to confirm if he is really being abused at home."

"However… she couldn't meet Abhinu and instead she came to know from Aamaya that Abhinu believes he is Aarohi and that he is being treated in a trauma center, and Aamaya claiming his bravery medal as hers."

"A few minutes later, Thanks to you… I was finally able to see Abhinu. I kept a watch over his body language. Normally when a boy suffers from transvestic disorder, he constantly keeps a check over his movements, however in the case of Abhinu it was quite the opposite. Like the time when he was talking to you, his ankles were crossed, and he was keeping your hands below chin level, those were signs that he was being administered female hormones."

"I finally had enough proof to take Abhinu away from there, however, when the cops finally raided the house, Abhinu was no-where to be found, and the family shared the medical reports with the cops and convinced them that he is getting treated abroad. However that very evening, I saw Abhinu in the balcony once again."

"My leaves were finally coming to an end, and I was still a long way from rescuing Abhinu. However I was still not letting him down. The next day I went to Naval Headquarters eastern command and submitted a request for a Joint-Services Posting in Kolkata. However, 6 months later I was asked to join 42 Rastriya Rifles stationed in Purulia. It was perhaps gods plan, because I came to know from you that Abhinu is no more in Kolkata and then when I reached Purulia I found the Banerjee family in Lt. Col. Banerjee's house."

"What about the will… What was in it?"

"Unfortunately… the will was never found… I turned the house upside done but I could never find the will. However that day when I went to meet Abhinu at the hospital, I asked him about the will and he told me that there is a room in the ground floor of the house, where all the personal belonging of his parent are kept, in that there is a tiny stuffed toy. The will was kept inside the stuffed toy."

"What was in the will dad?"

"I cannot tell you about the will right now… but in due time you will know everything about it?"

Dad continued: "I spend the last 6 years making sure Abhinu is kept safe, however till date I was really not sure how to do it and truth be spoken I was hitting a brick wall. I knew you would keep a watch over Abhinu and if I know that family right, it won't be long before they even try to hurt you and I cannot let that happen… As his god-father I failed him… but as a father I cannot fail you."

Before dad could say another word I hugged him tightly and said "please don't say that you are a failed parent. You have raised me well… and I know for a fact that you can raise Abhinu too just the way you raised us…"

"I just wish I wouldn't have committed the greatest blunder… if only I wouldn't have forgotten about the letter he gave me that day… This 6 years would never have happened…" saying this he let go of me and left the tent without looking back. I knew he is sad, and he is trying his level best to hide his emotions from me.

Mom suddenly hugged me to comfort me and said "Honey, as a good human being, your father tried everything in his power to save your friend… But remember something we as humans are susceptible to forget things when you are under pressure which tests your nerves and control over your destiny… we cannot blame him for forgetting about the letter" suddenly mom caught hold of my hands and asked "honey look at me and tell me something?"

I adjusted myself and turned towards mom making sure to look directly into her eyes. "What mom???"

"I know you think, dad didn't try enough, but would you have done something different to change the course of destiny?"

I guess mom was right to ask me this question. "Take your time sweetheart, there is no hurry?" she got off the bed and continued "I will be with your dad outside... he needs someone to comfort him." Saying that she left our tent.

I kept thinking about what I could have done differently. The longer I kept thinking about it, I kept hitting a blank spot. I guess probably dad was right. As I was about to get down from the bed, I saw the letters that dad was talking about earlier. I picked up the letters and decided to read it.

The handwriting was a familiar sight. It was Abhinu's.

Dear Uncle Jairus,

Thank you for everything you have done for me. I know it won't be long before my family members would find out where I am. The last 3 days were probably the few days I felt safe after my father's demise.

I know you don't believe a word I told you about having to live my life as a girl. I don't blame you at all. Nobody with the right mind would believe something awkward as this. However, I thank you for atleast taking care of me and asking me if you can relocate me somewhere else. I thought of asking your help, but I knew my uncle is a very bad man. He would anyway track me down and if anyway he find out that you have helped me escape, he would have hurt you too. I cannot let the death of a good-man in my hands.

Before my dad attained martyrdom, He told me that if any day I felt like Uncle and Aunty would try to hurt me, I can get back to my mother's home. He gave me a phone number and told me to call up that number and ask for a Lt. Commander Jairus Christopher. He also told me that he can help me get away to a place where no-one will be able to find me at all. I tried to call the number but the person on the other line informed me that Lt. Commander Christopher has been promoted to a Commander and they won't be able to disclose his location as he is an Intelligence Officer. I guess I must have hit a dead-end.

Uncle, I don't know who you are or if you are the same Jairus Christopher that I am looking for since you have the same name as my guardian angel, I don't even know if you will even help me with this, but I got to try. Can you please get in touch with a Commander Christopher of the Army Intelligence and tell him that Lt. Col. Sujoy Banerjee's son is in trouble and needs his help. If you think this is difficult, can you atleast post the other letter to 17 Boroughbridge Road, Birmingham B2 5GR. One of my aunty lives there and she will definitely come to help me out.

I would never have come here if things went out of hand. I was born a boy, but please imaging the situation, when another boy thinks that I am a girl and dances with me or asks me out on a date, my friends makes fun of me because I am not allowed to be dressed as a boy. They have scorched all my male attire, so that I don't attempt to try a male attire. I am not even allowed to step out of the house.

The other day 4 of my classmates, and my 3 sisters together assaulted me till I was unconscious. At time they keep me hungry for 2 to 4 days as a method of coaching me. They keep punishing me for petty reasons. And most of the time it is due to the fact that they feel that my body language is tomboyish and they expect me to be effeminate or more womanish. Sir, I really cannot explain in words how I feel whenever I meet Monika now a days.

Sir, if the discomfort of living like a girl is not enough, the thing that bothers me more is that off late I seem to forget a lot of things. I don't remember how my mom looked like, or I seem to forgot many things about my past. Thanks to dad that he asked me to write down my daily activities in my diary. I am afraid a day will come when I might even forget my past.

I am not sure how long I will survive in this hell. However, for the sake of Monica, I am going to pull through. Monica was my best friend in this whole world who has promised me that she is going to protect me and keep me sane. Her promise is the only thing keeping me strong. I can be a failure but there is no way I can see her fail.

Please uncle I beg you to get in touch with Commander Jairus Christopher so that he can take me away from here I will be forever in your debt.

Regards

Abhinu Banerjee.

**** O my god… I don't believe it… if only dad could have read this letter back then, he could have done something. But I should be thanking him for letting me be around Abhinu.****

As I was deep in thought, I heard a siren. It felt like it was coming from the Horizon. I kept the roll of paper on the bed and came out of the tent to check what it was.

I looked at my watch and saw that it was about 6:30 p.m. The sun has still not set. A Group of Army man came running out of their tents. They had with them automatic weapons and pointed it towards the approaching vehicle. Brigadier sir and my dad stepped towards the vehicle. Even though it had the word WEST BENGAL POLICE written on it, but it's a known fact, that they take security of their base very seriously.

I saw Nishi Jethu stepped out of the Jeep. Brigadier sir lifted his right hand indicating his men to lower down their weapons. Capt. Sagar stepped forward towards Brigadier Sir and started discussing something, and then he turned back and went towards a concrete house that they have constructed on the corner of the camp. It was right next to Captain Sagar's tent.

Brigadier sir and N.N. Kaku started discussing something and then a group of officers carrying a stretcher approached Nishi Jethu's jeep. They picked up someone from inside the car and laid it on the stretcher. Upon having a closer look, I came to know it was none other than Aamaya didi. She was probably unconscious or sleeping.

They picked her up and took her towards the concrete building. Nishi Kaku, dad, and Brigadier sir follow the medics towards the room. I ran towards mom as she was also trailing them along. We entered the room and saw that they have laid Amaya didi on the bed.

One of the doctors stepped towards the 6 of us and said "I think she is only unconscious. Everything else seems normal. She should be awake in a few hours."

Nishi Kaku looked at Brigadier Sir and replied "Actually I asked my men to knock her out."

"Sorry sir… I didn't get you… Why…?" asked the brigadier.

"We both know that she is the daughter of a wanted man, and I didn't want her to know where she is being taken to, and so I felt like knocking her out was a better choice."

I guess the brigadier agreed too and started discussion something with Capt Sagar and Nishi Jethu. I didn't understand what they were talking, but mom told me that they were speaking the local Garwali language. After a while Nishi Jethu Left.

Mom caught hold of my left hand and said "Let's go back to the room dear. You need to rest, the next 2 weeks is going to be very difficult and exhausting for all of us… we will need all the rest we can get."

I asked mom if we are going somewhere, but she wouldn't say anything. While walking back to the room, I asked her what they were discussing about.

She replied: "They were discussing about calling Major. Annie, one of the lady officers from the military police. She was the officer assigned the case behind the death of Abhinu's dad. Back then they believed that he was killed by the Naxalites and the case was closed."

"However recent turn of events suggest it otherwise. Mr. Tribeni Mazumdar had got in touch with his sources and according to them there was no attack on any army base or any army convoy during the period from April to September 1992, in any part of the country. According to then, an operation, this successful where 9 soldiers, of which one of them is of the rank of a Lt. Colonel, were killed would require extensive planning and would required approval for their supreme commanders and Mr. Mazumdar being one of the founders, denies any knowledge of such an incident. The Military police is re-opening the case once again."

As we were leaving the room, I saw that the security for Aamaya di's room was increased and J.P. sir had personally taken it on himself to keep a watch on her. I guess they believe she probably knows something which might come for their aid. Mom also told me that she is worried that Major Annie might be there during the interrogation. She has a bad reputation in the army too for being stone-hearted and expert with interrogation techniques.

As we were entering the tent, I saw dad leave the tent in a hurry, trying to avoid looking at me in my eye.

**** It felt like he was trying to avoid talking to me or probably it was the feeling that his 6 years of investigation has finally borne results even though it's not how he expected it to be. I saw him climbing on top of the bonnet of one of the gypsies parked there and lay himself down. He was probably in some deep thought. ****

TO BE CONTINUED…