The Truth

Xuxian stirred.

A great tiredness weighed his very eyelids down. He sighed, and pushed the blanket aside with an effort.

He sat up slowly, using his arms to support himself, and pressed his fingertips against his temples, frowning. His back was sore, as if he had spent the whole day chopping and hauling wood, and his limbs felt strangely strengthless.

He let his head sink onto his chest. Memories were starting to wash over him. Vaguely he saw the moon--had it really only been last night?--so fair and beautiful in the night sky, the silhouette of the wisteria branches against it. The moonlight on Suzhen's upturned face moments before she rested her head against his shoulder, smiling. And a second moon, smaller but no less the brighter, gleaming back at him from the wine inside his bowl.

The wine. Realgar wine.

The monk's voice echoed faintly in his ears. To ward off demons.

So he had known. That explained the guarded, distant way he had spoke to him. Xuxian understood now. The holy man had seen how much he loved Susu. If anyone had dared to accuse Susu of such a heinous thing, Xuxian would have risen in outrage to defend her. The monk had known that the only way was to make Xuxian see the truth for himself.

Xuxian uttered a small, anguished groan. His hands crept up to his head, starting to tremble slightly, and clutched it wildly. Images flashed across his mind, stunning him, making his heart leap nervously again. A snake. But not just any snake--the largest one he had ever seen, coiled up on the floor of their hut, so massive that it was everywhere he looked. The white scales sparkling faintly whenever it moved, sluggishly, like a giant worm turning in the earth. And the forked tongue, flickering like a black sword.

With a jolt that sent a wave of pain through his body, he remembered the eyes. Large and dark and liquid, with unfathomable depths, and yet a tenderness he could not understand, that seemed grotesquely out of place in the snake's skull.

He clenched his fingers tightly, trying to control how they were shaking. No. He did understand. He just could not accept it.

That was Susu. That terrible beast he saw had been her. Susu--his sweet, gentle wife with her quaint ways and quiet smiles, her child-like way of falling asleep in the sun. Susu, so beautiful and so accomplished, who could drink without getting drunk, who still oversteamed the fish sometimes, who had taught him how to swim. They had lain next to each other at night, eaten countless meals together. She had sewn clothes for him. He had held her in his arms, feeling her lean contentedly against him, and told her about his day, angling for her laugh with funny stories of his patients.

The pain wringing his heart was worse than any he had experienced in his body. Stunned by the hurt, he closed his eyes, too dazed for tears even.

So all along the demon they feared had been in his house, by his side, the person he had come to love most in this world. Those gentle hands that had smoothed the wrinkles in his clothes were the same ones that had killed Zheng Haoran. The bandits. He remembered how she had fought that day the bandits attacked. Yes, she had clearly been more powerful than she seemed. He saw that now; he had never really realized it till now. Always he had admired how capable she was, and been proud of her. Only he had never thought she would use that ability to do such cruel things.

A snake spirit. He repeated the words wonderingly to himself. He had heard of such spirits before, as a young boy, in hushed voices. Never had he thought in his wildest dreams that the beautiful woman he had fallen in love with that rainy day on the bridge would be one.

All this time, then, she had been concealing the truth from him. From everyone. He had brought her here, blissfully ignorant of the deaths that would happen because of her. People here who trusted him and relied on him were living in fear of the demon, and the demon was none other than his wife.

Xuxian stood up slowly, his head spinning. The hut was empty. Had she gone, then?

He heard a soft step over the threshold and looked up.

Susu appeared, carrying a bowl of steaming porridge. She stopped short as her eyes fell on her.

"You're awake," she said eagerly, setting the bowl down on the table. "How do you feel?"

It felt so natural as she took his arm and gently pushed him back down on the bed, feeling his pulse anxiously. He watched her wordlessly, trying to imprint her face, her motions, on his memory as if he had not already memorized everything about her. What had happened, to change his entire world over one night? How could one bowl of realgar wine destroy everything precious to him?

"What happened?" he asked slowly.

Susu hesitated. She laid his wrist down, without looking at him. "What do you remember?" she asked instead, sitting down besides him.

He paused. "I fainted again, didn't I?"

Silently, she nodded. Reaching out, Suzhen smoothed his hair. "Perhaps you're not feeling well," she said hurriedly. "You had better rest today. I made some porridge for you, eat it while it's hot. Then I'll comb your hair for you, it's disheveled. You should stay home and rest today."

Getting up, she took the spoon and pushed it into his hand, with a smile, and turned back to the table to fetch the bowl. "Come on, eat."

Xuxian stared at her with anguished eyes.

"Susu." he said lowly, urgently.

She froze. Even from the back he could see how her muscles had gone rigid.

He swallowed. "Susu. Were you really not going to tell me?"

His voice choked. "Were you going to keep hiding the truth from me, even now?"

Suzhen put the bowl of porridge down slowly. Everything had gone quiet.

She turned slowly to face him.

"You remember, then." she said at last, dully.