Realization

While all of this was happening Shi just sat there sipping on her non-alcoholic virgin mojito that Yang had slyly changed for her alcoholic Budweiser when she was busy peeking into Kai's phone.

Shi who had noticed him changing her drink decided not to speak up, as she remembers telling him that she was not able to hold her alcohol properly.

In all, it kind of actually felt nice for someone to look out for her and care for her even though slyly.

At that moment she felt content, she felt warm but the greatest she felt was cared for.

Without her noticing, the walls around her heart formed a door, whose only key was with the devil, with Bao Yang.

He walked into her heart like he always belonged there, took down her walls and lit her soul on fire.

Humans are fickle-minded, she knows that she is.

She remembers telling herself to tell Yang to give up on her, to not have any hope for her to reciprocate his care and gentle actions for him.

But she was weak in front of him, especially when he treated her with warmth and love, she could see that he genuinely cared for her.

Along the way she also grew greedy, greedy for his warmth, his touch though stubble only, his eyes searching for her whenever she was not in front of him and his voice calling her name ever so sweetly when he returned home from work.

Yes, home where the two of them lived silently yet peacefully and happily. Just the two of them spending their time together after dinner talking about mundane stuff, laughing at the silliest things possible and enjoying each other's company.

It was at those moments that her heartfelt warmth and cared for, it felt secure as if she could bare all her feelings in front of him and tell him all about the things that bother her and much more.

And then she grew greedy, craving for that time again and again.

She wants to be loved with an honest tongue, devoted heart and exclusive eyes,

And he looked at her the way she needed to be looked at like the whole world would crumble and he wouldn't blink.

For her, it was not love at first sight exactly but familiarity.

Like 'Oh hello, it's you. It's going to be you'.

Game over.

She didn't need someone who sees only the good in her, she needed someone who saw the bad in her and still loved her anyway.

And she knew she loved him, there was no question about that,

But she loved him in way he had yet to understand.

Yet,

She loved him anyway.

The moment the realization that she loved him hit her, she looked over to her side and saw Yang was looking at her only, in a room full of people, his eyes were focused on her only and she would be lying if she said that she hated it because she didn't, she loved it more and more.

But she knew that she could never give him what he wanted, his level of love and affection could never be returned by her for she was way too broken by her past to even hold the love he had for her.

She was conflicted,

She wanted him to be happy and while she knew that she could never be his happiness, she didn't want him to be happy with someone other than her.

Just for a second she wanted to lie to herself, a beautiful lie that she wished and prayed to be true, the lie that she was the perfect one for him, that she was his soul mate if such things even existed in the first place.

She looked at him as she held her breath and the words she wanted to say.

But that didn't stop her tears,

They had a mind of their own and flowed down anyway.

They flowed because she knew it was a lie. She knew that there was someone better than her out there. The one who would love her devil more than she could ever love him.

And this thought brought a fresh batch of tears into her eyes.

But before anyone could see her in the moment of her weakness she excused herself as she rushed out of the room to find solace and wait until her tears run dry before facing Yang and those she cared about, for she hated to make the people she cared about her worry about her.

As Shi rushed out of the room Yang stared at her back feeling that something was amiss about her but then again he knew that she was not simple and decided to give her sometime before following after her. He knew that she believed that she was full of scars and that she hated for others to see her in that state and the last thing he wanted to do was to make her awkward especially when the two of them had just begun to get comfortable around each other.

Kai who was also sitting beside Shi, before she rushed out decided to follow after her. He stood up as he excused himself,

"Excuse me guys, I am just gonna check up on Shi"

He rushed out before others could comment or ask him questions. Xinghe who was just one step behind Kai was stopped as Ruan grasped her wrist while she was passing beside him.