Almost There

It's been 10 years since that day. There were a few different scars she carved on my skin. She started by cutting a long jagged line from the top of my right breast, diagonally down to my left hip bone. And she made two other parallel below on under my breast and on my stomach. It made it look like three long claw marks going diagonally across my body. Then, she made one more, to prove her so-called 'love' for me. The last one, is a crude carving of a heart above where mine lays. That one looks the most painful because of the sharp and jagged lines that made it and the times she would adjust where she put the knife. It looked more like if someone painted a heart on a canvas, and it got rained on. The shape look melted on my skin.

I hate them. I have been covering them up with always wearing turtle necks or long sleeves and jackets to make sure it doesn't peak out of clothing and show. I also have to wear these for the other small scars I've assembled from collateral damage of broken glass and split skin. I can't afford people to ask questions. If people suspected, SHE would get suspicious and hurt me even more. I'm not as scared of the pain, but more of not being able to use her as a means to an end. I can't affored to be taken away now. I'm going to graduate high school soon.

As soon as I get that diploma, I'm leaving. I have slowly over the years prepared myself for this day. I got secret under the table jobs when I could and helped out neighbors to earn that extra cash. All while trying to make sure Silvia was unaware. She didn't really pay attention to what I do outside of the house, as long as it doesn't involve her and make her look bad.

Ever since that day I've resolutely made up my mind, to do whatever means possible to be independent of her as soon as possible. For the past couple of weeks before graduation, I've been setting up getting a little loft apartment to stay at that is connected to one of the under table jobs I do at a market store. It's small and not big, but it's enough for a single person. Plus, hopefully it's only going to have to be a temporary place. At least until I find my Daddy.

I've looked up countless files and documents on him and Silvia. Making sure I know all the details of the case and who he was so I can find him. It a few months of sneaking around and getting information, until I finally found out who he is.

He lives an hour away from Silvia's house, but a half hour from my future new place. And once I graduate, I'm taking all the things I could pack without her noticing where I was going and leaving to my new one. Hopefully she won't be able to find me, and I won't have to see her again.

I'm getting closer to him. I'm getting closer to my last hope. It's nerve wracking and makes me feel anxious for what will happen. But overall I'm happy to get away from the abuse and finally be free.

Be free of a loveless home, a loveless life.

Be free of the hate and pain.

And once I'm free...maybe I can find what I've been waiting for all these years.

...I hope that my Daddy is ready. I'm coming and nothing can stop me.