Wish to See You

I made it to the bus stop right on time. It will take me to a stop near the outer edges of the city, and from there, I can walk the rest of the 20 minutes or so to reach his house.

During the ride on the bus; I've checked, and double checked the address. Making sure I have it memorized forwards and backwards. I don't have a picture to go by of my Daddy since Silvia got rid of them all, so I fidget with the paper, making more creases on it, to make sure I'm headed the right way. I'm shifting my legs back and forth in my seat anxiously.

I'm second guessing whether it's a good idea to see him or not. What if he doesn't want to see me? What if I'm just a burden to him? Does he even like having me as a daughter? These questions go through my mind in a loop, trying to talk myself out of it.

As the bus heads towards its destination, I remember why I'm there in the first place. I remember the pain, the abuse I've endured physically and mentally all these years. It has giving me the courage to face my dreams and nightmares. I'm already so close, and there's no way I'm going to give up now.

Resolving my self to do this, I put away the paper in my backpack as the bus stop reaches the destination I need to get off at.

I step off the stairs, along with others that are leaving, and look for the direction I need to go. I see street light intersections, with cars going about their busy day. The high-rise buildings in the backdrop are intimidating, making me feel like I'll get crushed.

I spot the direction I need to go, and wait for the crosswalk to turn green at the intersection. As it turns green, I head off the curb to cross; and I really should have known that the world hates me enough to screw me over today of all days.

As I'm crossing and the cars are going in their lanes, I start to hear police sirens coming closer. I turn to my right to see the opposite side of the intersection where the cars are stopped at the red light. And right behind the line to enter the traffic, I see three police cars with their lights on headed towards the light. And I see that they are a little behind another car, and it looks like a real-life car chase. I'm slowing down walking across the corsswalk, dazed and curious to the events happening in front of me. And I really should take the saying 'curiousity killed the cat' more seriously.

As the cars approach the oncoming traffic, the cops slow down to give forewarning to the oncoming traffic that they are coming; while the car that they are chasing, takes no such precaution. Its speed is a little reduced, but still speeds into traffic, hoping to cross safely through. And yup, that's when I notice it. That's when I notice that the direction it's heading towards, is where I am crossing. I'm already half-way through the crosswalk, about 20 feet from the safety of the sidewalk.

And to think that I was worried about Silvia and her finding out I was leaving. Worried about rejection from my Daddy, when it seems that my life might not even make it through the day to see him.

And that thought, the thought of never having met my Daddy, is what wakes me up from my daze of starting to give up, and to finally start to move my body into a sprint to the other side for safety.

As the adrenalin shoots my body into action, my heart pumps fast to bring my body to the other side. But as fate would have it, I reacted a little too late. As I see that I am about 10 feet from the sidewalk, my head can't help but turn to see the car that is about to hit me.

Time seems to slow as I take in the details of my fate within a couple seconds. I see a normal sized black car 8 feet from hitting me. And my eyes glance to the driver in the seat. It's a blond women with tears running down her face, and it looks like she is still crying. As I glance up, it seems that she finally notices that there is someone in front of her car that she is about to hit. I see a look of startling panic that blows her eyes wide apart, and her mouth looks like it is opening into a scream. I immediately hear the screech of tires breaking. It seems she was trying to stop from hitting me.

But it was already to late, for the distance between us was still closing fast. Even though the car slowed down significantly from its fast speed, it was still not enough from stopping its desitination to my running body.

I start to accept that there is no stopping of my fate with the car hitting me. My eyes are closing for the inevitable, and the only regret I have, that if these were my last moments in the world, is that I never got to meet my Daddy. That I might never get to know what it means to be loved and cared for.

There's screeching of tires, sirens blaring, screams of witnesses to this tragic event.

Then it happens.

...The car slams into my body. It moves me with it for a few feet as it screeches to a halt. But it's already to late to stop the momentum of me slamming 20 feet away into the ground, and sliding, and then rolling another distance till my body comes to a stop.

When I realize that I stopped and now laying on the concrete. It takes what seems like hours but probably only a couple seconds to gather my thoughts.

I remember when I was crashing into the ground, that I heard a couple cracks in my body breaking, and that I also must of hit my head during the collision; if the blood I see dripping down my face and around me is any indication. My skin is on fire from the road burn I'm bound to have from skidding on the ground.

And as I'm laying there, with my broken body in my own puddle of blood that is expanding around me; I see someone running towards me.

It looks like it might be a policeman, if what I assume is a police outfit looks like; through my blurring eyes with the blood obstructing my view from running down my forehead. My vision starts to blacken around the edges and my eyes start to close. My body is exhausted from the ordeal, and is shutting down.

.....But it's not just my body that is tired, but also my mind. I'm just so tired.

Tired of hanging by life from a thread. Ready to break any second.

Tired of not knowing or feeling loved all my life.

Tired. Tired.

I'm just so tired of it all.

As I lose consiousness, I hear the voice the policeman that made it to my side said as I drift away.

"It's ok. Everything is going to be ok, " he said gently but urgently to make sure I heard him

It was the nicest voice I've ever heard. And brought me back to the thought of my Daddy.

My last wish as I finally drift into unconsciousness is of him and it brings forth the last burst of strength I have in me. I weakly open my eyes, and I look up into the man's kind sky blue eyes that shows concern that I have never had directed at me.

It weakly brings a rare small smile to my face.

" Daddy." I whisper.

I go slack, closing my eyes, finally succumbing to the darkness. My last wish of hoping to live to see my Daddy.

...Daddy.

...Your little girl might not make it.

....I'm sorry.