Happy Either Way

"Why?" That was the only word Lena could think. She was so confused, so lost, so anxious, so strange. She didn't know what to feel. She wasn't happy, that was obvious. She wanted to cry, but confusion stopped her tears from flowing.

James still did not look towards her. He avoided her eyes as he said, "I'm sorry." But Lena was not happy with this response. "Why!" She said again, but this time it was not a question, but a demand.

James clenched his fist, although Lena was unsure why he had to, and then looked her directly in the eyes. A sad look was visible on his face. "I only see you as a friend. My best friend, but still a friend."

Lena looked at him again with confusion, unsure of what he was saying. "I don't want to hurt your feelings. You are my best friend after all." He paused and looked at her, and she looked away. She did not know how to respond, but she tried, "so why are you..."

She could not continue her thought. Her tears would not let her. A single tear whispered down her cheek, silently, but neither noticed it, not yet.

James continued where he left off. "I really don't want to hurt you. I would have married you. I really would have..." he was cut off by his own silence. His words confused Lena even more, so much so that even the tear that was moving freely down her cheek froze in place.

What is he saying? Did he do something unspeakable? Is that why he was breaking up with me? These were the thoughts that passed through Lena's head. And then a new thought came. He loves me. He definitely loves me.

Hope filled her, although the sadness still lingered. She was uncertain why he was leaving, and that was the biggest factor. She did not doubt the fact that he loves her, after all, why else would he speak this way?

"Then why won't you?" She asked, with her pitch a little higher than it should be. She was nervous, nervous to hear his answer, and excited to finally get the chance to get him back. But this hope does not last for long. It could not last for long, not with his response.

"I... met a beautiful girl... It was love at first sight. I want to marry her. Please understand."

With those words, Lena's world came crashing to the ground. She didn't notice when James said that he will see her later, nor did she notice when he left the room. She just stood there in shock, unable to process the words that came from his mouth, and knowing no response.

She wanted to help him, to comfort him, to tell him that it was fine to fall in love with someone else, that she was fine without marrying him, even though she wasn't. She wanted to lie and tell him that she was happy either way, and love and protect him in secret.

But she knew herself better than that. She loves him, more than he knows. She was the one always by his side for years. She was the one who helped him with anything and everything. She was the one who cared for him the most. And all she wanted was for him to love her back.

And now that another girl has taken his heart, she would do anything to steal it back. Even at the cost of her life.