I Sleep Well

There's a song that I really like by my favorite Japanese music group: After the Rain. The title is actually called, "I Sleep Well", and was probably the first song I cried to when I listened to it. I'm not sure why, but it really struck a chord with me. The word "euphoria" is repeated a few times in the lyrics, and that's when I became obsessed with it.

The sound was nice.

I didn't even know what it meant, but the word sounded nice.

The meaning actually ruined the word for me...as drugs were linked to the word and popped up on Google when I searched it up. Wasn't quite sure how I felt about it after that, but nonetheless, I kept it on my list of favorite words. The -ia ending was just too nice!

After a while though, I did start to wonder about this euphoric feeling. What exactly was it?

I think...I know the answer to that now...

*********

Since I finished the last of my finals today during my second block, that meant I could technically leave for the rest of the school day and not get serious repercussions, since I could check out of school and say I was going to go to the lab at the university. I desperately wanted to leave, especially since I had already done my presentation and had no interest in listening to other people's, or be stuck in any more classrooms.

So, I hitched a ride from one of my friends who was also driving Christy home, who lived two minutes away from school. Technically, I suppose it was illegal for two minutes because he had his restricted, but he didn't seem to care so Christy and I didn't either.

The three of us strolled out of school, with me slightly behind them. The two of them were pretty close and chatted for the entire trip to Christy's house. I sat in the back of the car, scrolling through my social media feeds while also listening in on their conversation, enjoying the time I had to myself. It was nice to not have to engage in active conversation with someone.

When Christy got off, I took her seat in the front and tried to relax, but the car was a manual one and the shifting made me somewhat nervous...=_=;; but that was fine, we got through it alive.

A little backstory on this friend of mine...

He used to be in a very, very, toxic relationship. The girl was a mess and he cared for her a lot, but she was also somewhat of a horrible individual who didn't care for him nearly as much as he did for her. I was pretty happy to see that he had moved on. When I first became depressed and had a hard time coping, he offered me advice and company when we were technically not even that close, and I'm very grateful for that.

So, on the drive to our neighborhood, we chatted some about school, friends, and how our general "moods" were. It was a relaxing conversation, and I felt really at ease despite all the gear changing. When we arrived at the door of my house, I felt almost...disappointed.

Just as I walked up to the door and inserted my key into the lock, I realized that the door was actually bolted from the inside...

The backdoor was as well...

Frustrated, I tossed my backpack and jacket on our patio and sat down on a chair. Taking out my phone, I texted my friend who had just left.

"I'm locked out haha."

"Are you hungry?"

I quickly explained that I didn't have any money on me since...well, I just don't carry money on me to go to school, and I didn't have any debit or credit cards. That wasn't an issue though, he then asked me if I'd be interested in just going for a drive.

Better than standing outside my backdoor, right?

I started walking down the road, hoping it'd make it easier for him instead of having to turn to find my house and then back out of the street back to the main road. When I hopped in, I think I asked him to tell me a little more about himself so I didn't feel as scared, and so that I could trust him a little bit more because being in a car with a 16-year old driver can be dangerous sometimes, and you really need a level of trust to do that properly. A 20-minute drive from school to home was one thing, but it was currently 2 P.M. and my parents weren't going to be home until 4 P.M.!

"Are you good?"

"Huh? Yeah? Why do you ask?" I asked with a laugh.

He shrugged. "You just put your head down to your knees."

"Doesn't mean I'm depressed."

"Fair enough."

To be completely honest, I don't remember too many of the specifics we spoke about. He quickly turned into smaller roads, roads where it was jammed to have two-way traffic, where fences lined the sides and some horses or cows would blur by.

But I felt...relaxed.

"I think we're close," he answered.

I blinked. That wasn't expected.

"Really now."

"Yeah. I mean, I've told you things I wouldn't casually tell others. Then again...I've been a lot more open this year than before."

Around 3:15 P.M., the time school would normally end, we pulled up to a ferry gate. I don't know what it's called, but it's basically where a ferry can pull up and give people rides, but it was closed today. The two of us got off after he parked the car and walked over to some stairs. There was a layer of mud covering the last two steps, so I took a stick and started drawing a cat into the mud. Standing a step or two behind me, he began talking about his friends, things that were happening, what he was looking forward to...

We left around 3:30 and began the trip through the bendy roads back to my house.

It was the first time in months that I felt so relaxed, free, and disconnected from society. It was amazing how something I wanted so desperately a month ago was now right in front of me, yet I didn't need it nearly as much as I did before. It was a nice break, but I understood how emotionally drained I'd be if I did it every single day.

So I got off the car at 4:00, and thanked him for the drive, whilst also apologizing for how much gas he must've used.

I felt a clicking sort of sense when I spoke with him. How I could share my ideas and beliefs, anything philosophical, and he would be able to share the same things with me and understand. It was something that no one else seemed to be able to do, or at least, properly understand.

Yet...I felt no deep attachment.

It came and left like the tides, and that was enough.