My Emotions

When I was a kid I never felt sad about the dead, I only knew I was missing that type of emotion to feel saddened but never did only towards how broken I am as a human being.

My mind is was broken even more after I matured into my teen years. I actually thought of dying when I was 13 because how I felt for being alive. When I turned 14 I was just outcasting myself and isolated myself in a dark small room, Suprisingly I felt relaxed, happy, that being alone was good but overtime that caused my depression to worsen as I felt as a shadow without a shadow departing from what I called friends. To this day I only have contact to only 1 of my friends but I don't know how long that will last. When I turned 16 A week after graduating Highschool I moved to my moms house in California, before that I lived with my aunt in Revere, MA. About A Month or 2 I sat outside during a storm hoping I would die from a lightning bolt. All death related stuff to me now makes me feel more relaxed whenever I think of it for example, If I daydream/Imagine of being shot to death calms me down. I don't understand why people try preventing others in not killing themselves. I said this to my teachers once or twice that If anybody tries to stop me I'll just take them with me. I do not regret my words.