Regrets of the past pt. 03

I am in stunned, after that passionate kiss, my body is hot all over. He laughed while saying "I like that expression of yours, hmm... Say Lala, let's get married." I did not respond, but instead I glared at him.

'Why does he have this effect on me? Am, I in love again. No, that cannot be, His memories are still fresh in my mind, my heart still wants to see him, why do I have to share a kiss with this guy. Somebody answer me' these thoughts are running inside my head and I couldn't figure it out if that incident is just this inner lust inside me taking over. My train of thoughts are not in sync, then I felt a palm on my forehead, I looked up and saw him smirk.

"Lala dear, you're so hot, are you having a fever?" he said while smiling wide. I slapped his hand away and glared at him.

Suddenly the door opened, we both looked at who entered my room, I am still in daze but when he spoke up, I wanted to run and hug him.

"I hope, I did not interrupt you youngsters." he said weakly while looking at me warmly. He really reminds me of dad, will I be able to understand the reason he never showed up during my dad's funeral. I don't have the right to get mad at him, but I just can't shake off the thoughts that he abandoned my father for a woman.

He approached us and this jerk beside me let him sit near me. He coughed slightly then Mr. Cohen gave us space and leave the room. I was just about to call him when he looked at me and said, "Go on, talk with grandpa, I will be just be outside."

After the door closes, I cannot bring myself to look at the man again, he coughed slightly then held my hand. I don't know what to do, when I'm racking my brain looking for answers in a situation like this I heard him say "I'm sorry Lala" I did not look at him until I heard a small cry.

What I saw was an old man full of regrets, my heart ached seeing him like this. I don't know what to say, all the questions I mentally prepared were all gone, what I did is just hold his hand and smile warmly. When he saw that, he smiled while crying, saying his thanks.

"Can I hug my granddaughter?"

I nodded, his hug warmed my heart, and maybe this is what they call blood ties. When he calmed down, and went back to his seat, he looked at me and smiled. I didn't know what to say, so I smiled back.

"You are wondering, why I came just now? When you needed someone when your dad died?" I kept quiet and he seemed to be waiting for my answer, when he heard nothing, he continued.

"Sorry, if I took a while to get back. I am to blame, I thought, if I didn't bother your dad, he would be safe, but I was wrong. I distanced myself to you and your dad, so that I could protect you from your uncle, but that was the greatest mistake I ever made."

I listened to him patiently, I tried my best to remain calm, I tried my best to process what he is saying, but these emotions hidden suddenly erupted. "Sir, are you saying that by staying away would give protection to your son? Your own flesh and blood? Don't tell me, that the cause of my dads' death was your other son? I don't get it, you disowned your own son and get nothing from you, why is he still in danger? Why did you let him be dead? Why did you make me an orphan!!!" with my outburst, I cried so hard and my thoughts were clouded. I cannot think properly.

The old man hugged me until I calmed down, I don't know how long I've been crying, and the sudden burst of emotion drained me out. He let go and poured me a glass of water, "Here sweetie, drink, and it will help you calm your nerves." I took the water and drink it. I don't know what to do, but I looked at him straight in the eye and asked, "Why did you suddenly showed up after abandoning your son? Is your guilt now eating you alive?" I know, it is wrong of me to question an elderly with such a tone, Aunt Nozomi always teach me to be polite to the elders, maybe this is one of the traits I learned from her, always respect your elders. He looked at me then bowed down, "Is it too late to ask for forgiveness? It's my indecisiveness that brought my son to his death. I don't have an excuse for that. I am now old, I know, and I know it is too late to ask for forgiveness when I am the reason for my sons' death. I…"

I cut him by saying "Don't say you're SORRY to me, say that to my father, your son that you abandoned." When those came out my mouth, I felt disgusted with my attitude, I can see his regret, he is now so old and he looks someone who needed some care, but I said those to him which made me even guiltier. I bowed my head and mumbled "I'm sorry for being rude."

He held my hand while saying, "It's okay and you have all the right to get angry. I'm sorry for this old man is stupid for falling into someone's scheme."

I looked at him and said calmly, "I think, I don't want to know what happened, I guess I am glad that you are still alive and here apologizing. It might be rude of me, but sir, I don't want to be part of your family, when you abandoned my dad, and he did not even mention you. You were looking for me in a high-profile way, but you silently watched my dad die. I know you kept some people to silently watch us, but you failed to protect him. Maybe I am selfish to ask you this but, can you please leave me alone, let me live in peace and I don't want to do anything in your world. I am a doctor, and I don't need someone else's riches, because I can feed myself, aunt and uncle. I don't want to be in your world."

"I know, but what you don't know is that I had communication with your dad, though it was not constant. He always checks up on my health, he was my personal doctor. He might not tell you this, and maybe he is looking for the right time to tell you, but he left us suddenly. I was about to announce to the whole world about you two, but your dad doesn't want that. He wanted you to have a normal life, not a life with what he had. A life where the public eyes is always looking at him. He wanted you be kept away from my second wife." he had a deep sigh almost sobbing. He kept silent for a while, as if sizing up my reaction was, but I kept my mouth shut. My mind is not clear, it is muddled with all the sudden information.

He then continued…

"It was my mistake when I let him go, when I believed a stranger than my own son. And I regret all that, now, Lala, please don't abandon this old man too. I have many mistakes in the past and I want to take care of you. The things I didn't have the chance to do to your father, I want to do all of them to you. You are my heir, not someone else. I want to give you what rightfully your fathers, so it is rightfully yours."

I looked at him and shook my head, "I don't want that, and I think you don't know what I want." He looked at me, confused and sad. I held his hand and smiled warmly "Though I don't like to be the heir, I will always be the granddaughter you never had."

He smiled and tears flowed his eyes "I am so happy, but dear please reconsider, come back to our family, your last name can't never hide you."