A Meeting with the General

     "A god you say?" Frank asked. "Well son I don't know if you are a god or what but you are definitely a godsend.  What brought you out here? Where did you come from? Do you know What the hell is going on?" Frank was full of questions.

     "Yes I am god, I was looking for survivors, I lived on the coast, and yes I know what is going on." Jim answered all of Franks questions in rapid fashion. 

    "Mortal are you sure you are the one in charge?" Astros chimed in. "You seem rather underwhelming."

    "Yes I am in charge of this entrenchment. Who might you be with your high and mighty attitude?" Asked Frank.

     "I am Astros, a being so beautiful the heavens themselves cry in my presence. I am the most gorgeous, most immaculate, most awesome god you will ever meet." Astros said while raising his voice. "You should kneel before our presence mortals have no right to stand…"

     "Enough Astros." Jim cut Astros off. "You may be at ease Frank."

     "Oh so there are two gods now. And you young lady are you a god too?" Frank asked while looking at Susan.

    "Oh me? No I'm just Susan." Susan replied.

    "Oh ok, just to make I got everything." Frank turns to Jim. "You are a god."

    "Correct." Jim replied.

    Frank turns to Astros. "You are a god."

    "Isn't it obvious?" Astros questions.

    Frank turns to Susan, "And you are just a normal girl."

    "That's right." Susan responded.

    "You all came from hundreds of miles away from the coast. Where you have been since the apocalypse, in search of survivors?" Frank continued.

    "That's correct." Jim responded.

    "And you are just searching for survivors?" Frank asked.

    "Yes." Jim replied.

    "Ok then, works for me. Not even the weirdest shit I've seen. I mean hell zombies are running around everywhere. Fucking flying demon beast birds of death overhead. Sure, why not have a couple gods just walk hundreds of miles with a normal woman, just looking for survivors?" Frank was beginning to ramble. "I mean why not?  Why not have gods just walking round able to wipe out millions of zombies with just a wave of their hand."

    "Actually That's Jim's thing." Astros said.

    "Oh then what is your thing?" Frank asked. "Can you heals the world, create matter, control time?

    "I'm beautiful." Astros replied while running his hand through his hair. "Who needs all those other things when you are as beautiful as me."

   "OK then!" Frank was now very confused. "Well you found us. What were you planning on doing when you found us?"  Frank turned to Jim.

   "We're here to conquer…" Astros began to speak but Jim cut him off with an elbow to the gut.

   "We're here to help." Jim smiled. "So ugh, need any help?"

   "Besides the million zombies you just destroyed?" Frank asked. "No we are golden here.  Might want to check with the General though. He is a few miles behind us at the secondary border."  Frank thought about it for a second. "In fact I need to give him a report, I told him I would personally deliver him the news of our victory.  Why don't you all come with me?"

    Meanwhile at the base where the General is located. The entire command team had no idea what was going on.  They had been watching the battle unfold via satellite imagery and were very perplexed by what they had witnessed. From their perspective they saw the horde, a flashlight, and then no horde.

   "What happened?" General Douglas asked.  "I thought for sure our men were about to be overrun."

    "It must have been God!" Chimed in Sister Rosemary. Sister Rosemary was brought in to the briefing room at the request of the president.  It was his belief that the zombie apocalypse was religious in nature and that a person from the church should weigh in on all matters. "This has to be one of God's miracles. Only he could do something so grand and amazing! Praise be to the lord our God!" Sister Rosemary began to kneel and raised her rosary to her forehead and gave thanks to her God.

    "Anyway else got any ideas?" General Douglas asked. He was not a fan of the president's religious initiative but with the zombie apocalypse he did not see the harm of it either.

    The other officers in the room talked among themselves and then Colonel Sparks spoke. "We actually agree, mainly because we have no idea, but we agree nonetheless."

    "So this is what we have become? The US military just chalking things up to God." General Douglas went on. "When did…". Just then a buzz was heard on the intercom system. "Go ahead." General Douglas said to the intercom.

   "Sir Master Sargent Frank Ball is here to speak with you.  He appears to have some very tall guests with him." The person on the intercom said.

    "Send them up." General Douglas responded.

     A few moments passed then Frank and company entered the room.  As Frank entered he saluted General Douglas. "At ease." Douglas said. "Sargent you and your men have survived a perilous encounter with death, we would like to know how."  General Douglas looked directed into Franks eyes. "Some members of our officer team are in agreement that the almighty God himself must have intervened in your favor."

     "Well General it was looking hairy." Frank started to explain. "We were over run, out of ammo, but we were not going down without a fight.  As we were fighting for our lives, a bright light showed up on the horizon, followed by these people right here."

    "Right we saw the flash of light on the satellite feed.  Then what happened?" General Douglas asked.

    "Well Jim here, who's the tall guy with the silver hair." Frank says as he points to Jim. "Just lifted out his hand and waved the zombies out of existence.  They just kind of dusted. Remember that one superhero movie with the purple bad guy? It was kind of like that."

    "So it wasn't the work of God then." General Douglass was relieved. "See Sister just because you cannot explain something does not make it the work of God. There's a perfectly good explanation. Waving at zombies turns them to dust. I don't know why we never tried that." General Douglas turns to his officers. "Why haven't we tried waving at the zombies?!"

    "Um it never came up?" Colonel Sparks responded. "Bullets and explosions were working pretty good, and I don't think we would ever think about waving at the zombies?"

    "Well now we know their weakness, get on the line and spread the word. The world needs to know about this." General Douglas went on. "Finally after all this time we get a break."

    "Um General?" Frank interrupted. "Please allow me to introduce you to my new friends before you spread the word." Frank then turns to Jim. "General Douglas meet Jim, Jim General Douglas."

   General Douglas extends his hand to shake Jims. "Damn nice to meet a hero like you Jim.  As you heard I am the General in charge of this whole operation. What you have done in finding a way to defeat the zombies will go down in American history."

    "Good to meet you as well General, I'm Jim, the god." Smiled Jim.

    "God you say." The General's face turned white.

    "Yes sir." Jim responded.

    "So the waving thing?" The General asked.

    "God powers." Jim answered.

    "So it was God after all." The General was speechless.

    "Well it was a god, me, not capital G God. I don't even know if he exists." Jim responded.  "Astros?"

     "Wait is he a god too?" Asked the General.

     "Sigh you mortals wouldn't know divinity if it bit you in the ass.  Of course I am a god too." Astros snapped back at the General.

     "And is she?" The General was beginning to fall down the rabbit hole.  All the other officers just sat there quietly trying to take it all in.  The Sister had stopped and was just blankly staring at Jim and Astros.

     "Oh her she's just Susan." Frank replied.

    "Sigh, before we go through all this again, do you have a restroom?" Susan asked.

    "Ya its just down the hall, can't miss it." Frank replied to Susan.

     "Back to your question Jim, What was it?" Astros asked.

     "Do you know of any god that calls himself God with a capital G." Jim asked again.

     "Ugh let me think." Astros pondered for a second. "Doesn't ring any bells.  Never met a god like that and I know just about all of them, slept with just about all of them, actually."

      The Sister then fainted. "What's her deal?" Asked Astros.

     "I think you just broke her." Jim smiled.  "Oh well, if you don't know him you don't know him."

      Just then Susan returned from the restroom. "Hey guys look who I found out in the hallway."

      Astros looked at Jim after looking at the new person entering the room. "Hey Jim who is this orange dude?" Astros asked.