JUL | cogito ergo sum

what is home?

I return to a place that I've always call home

home should be a place of belonging

but instead I knew that I never belonged there

so why do I continue to return

to a place where I am fading

weathering

dissipating

It became my home

since I did not have one

I was forced into solitude

and forced

to make this place I call home

into

a place

that is worth living and dying for

but

How could I belong if I did not know who I was

back then

I was a clean slate

a nothingness

but I pushed myself

to make it work

to make myself belong

to make myself

feel

something

so familiar

something so special

and now as I return

I realized

that in fact

I don't belong here at all

and I don't belong there either

quite frankly

I belong nowhere on this earth

home is where the heart is they say

I am home

- back and forth