Crushes and Lust

Hi! Been a long time since I have last let my voice out eh? So let me sing like a canary bird that has just been freed from her cage.

"AAAAAaaaaa....." 'sweep'

Never mind I forgot how nature works. The canary real dead.

Oh, I'm sorry you came for the new topic, look at me, wasting your time but really just warming up and increasing the number of words I write.

But since you're here already, let us talk about crushes and lust, shall we?

Do any of you remember your first crush? I still remember mine as vividly as possible. When I was 6 years old, just a wee little girl living in Singapore, with a tiny pixie cut and her trotting little catwalk, I had my first crush on one of my Chinese classmates who used to share his apple juice box with me every recess because I hated my grape juice box. Miss these young times where our innocent selves had no idea of what was going around with ourselves, let alone the world.

Ah, the feeling of finally liking someone and thinking about them when you go to bed to try and have a dream of them. Ah! The fresh smell of roses blooming in for potential new love. This sweet new aroma of freshly baked cookies to share and feed them while on a picnic date.

.....Ya Well, Cut! DIRECTOR, Change the scene to where the male lead is killed, the female lead kidnapped, and then revive the male lead again and then kill him off fighting villains for a tragedy because that is how Bollywood Movies are made.

But seriously, let's be honest, I know most of you have never confessed to your crush, maybe just in dreams. However, nor do we just observe or imagine them in a pure white light because we all see the flash of red streaking in the corner, inside a cage, begging to be let out, like the canary. We all know what it is, yet continue to ignore acknowledging it or talking out about it. The red streak we see and know it as is called Lust.

"Lust is a strong craving for sex. It also can mean a pang of hunger for anything, like lust for power. While lust isn't a dirty word, it is a strong word. You don't have a lust for something you don't really care about. Lust is a strong, powerful desire, whether it's a noun or verb: you lust for things you deeply crave."

Now if you are a young teenager, You probably just started feeling lust much more than any other feeling. Which is completely normal and absolutely fine and please do not think that it is a shameful emotion to embrace. As a female, I always tried to suppress whatever tingling sensation I used to feel when a guy touched my hands or thighs or my back ( I was easy to excite as a younger teen, still am, but that's a story for another time) and I used to get extremely hot and used to start squirming, little did I know I was just lusting for them at that time. Girls were always told to repress their inner sexual attraction and if we ever spoke to it with other of our peers, we were deemed as a slut or whore. On the other hand, if guys didn't talk about their sexual fantasies, they were considered gay or weird.

I want you to know that lust or attraction of any sort for someone is not unnatural. Again as an Asian, our parents don't really teach us nor reveal anything based on feelings, at most they laugh at our actions that they will regard as "childish antics". When I was 10, I had a crush on a kid in my class. Once I was with my mother, getting takeaway from McDonalds and voila, I see him sitting in the middle of the restaurant, eating a burger with his elder brother and father.

As a shy 10 year old, I got extremely embarrassed and started shaking and hid near a pillar, when my mum came up to me, demanding to know why I am acting so conspicuous.

Now I will tell you that since I was a young child, I was never remotely close to my mother and she would do anything in her power to embarrass me in public as she despises me as well ( I still live with her but well lets wait for that story too).

So I, with my quivering voice, pointed out to the guy and said that that kid is in my class and I am not interested to let him know I'm here and pleaded her to leave as soon as possible.

My mother, being the sweet little woman who loathes me, canceled the takeout and got a tray of food and boomed loudly in front of everyone for me to go sit on the table that is next to the guy. I actually started shaking and begged her to let me sit somewhere else but my adorable mother slapped me in the restaurant and made me sit next to the guy's table. Now he was surprised to see me and kept looking at my side, while I started panicking and heaving, with my mother on the side chuckling.

I still remember the words she uttered while she looked at him and whispered to me,

"He is cute , He keeps looking at you , Do You Like Him?".

That was the most embarrassing moment for me as a 10 year old little girl. I could not even eat a single morsel of my food because I could feel his gaze on me, my mum even forced me to eat in front of him.

So Moral of story I have a shitty mother....

Okay I'm joking, not the part of me having a horrendous mother but the moral.

Its that parents find our feelings as a joke, something to laugh about, something to joke about with their friends, but as we grow up instead of being brainwashed by them, we should actually learn from their mistakes.

Our crushes, our feelings and emotions are not toys made for our childlike parents. And We need to know that. Most of us have parents who don't understand us, but we should not be discouraged by that ever. We have our own thoughts and feelings.

So Lust for whomever you want to, have hundreds of crushes, be it a celebrity or your best friend.

P.S. Don't lust for your step siblings though. Until Next time my lovelies.