Chapter 14: Curses and Blessings 1/3

PLEASE DON'T START A LYNCH MOB! Ok, I need to start with that. I know I promised you guys retrieval mission this chapter…. Wellllllllll…. I fibbed? Not really. By the time I got through the buildup and the break before we assemble the A-Team, I was at 18k words. I had three choices. End up with a chapter near or possibly over 40k words…. I have so many ideas for these upcoming fights. Two, rush the entire mission and end up with a lackluster ending. Three, split it into two parts. I chose three, I think you all will appreciate that option the best.

VOTE FOR AMI'S BAE! WE CLOSE THE POLL WHEN CHAPTER 16 IS RELEASED!

Without further ado, I give you chapter 14. Also, you all get to meet my newest OC this chapter! :D :D :D

DRUNK ITACHI! Letssss goooooooooooooooooooooo

Itachi POV

I glanced once more at the document before be and signed my name off. Mission request for an escort to Land of Tea. Easy C-Rank. I grabbed the next document, 'Sharingan' eyes memorizing every detail with ease. I heard a low sound, like an angry cat. I glanced around, wondering if little Tora had managed to hide away in my office. I spied no movement except Lord Third who was currently drawing up plans for a training regimen. For his retirement, he has decided to open a class for select students who he would personally train.

I vetoed the proposed bill in front of me, a raise on property tax for the Northern district? They just had one two years ago! I grabbed the next sheet and glanced over it, signing off on the monthly request to import dangerous flora. The Yamanakas would be pleased. I heard the angry cat again, this time louder. I sighed and turned to the clearly upset elderly man at the next desk over.

"Lord Third, is something bothering you? You sound as though you're training to be a Ninja-cat." I asked pleasantly. He scowled fiercely at me.

"I spent a total of 4 decades behind that desk, I still have nightmares about the mountains of paperwork. Then here comes Itachi, some little upstart with his fancy eyes who may not even be human, but instead some artificial humanoid creature that's only purpose in life is to efficiently get through paperwork!" Lord Third's eyes blazed in righteous fury. He seems to not like paperwork.

"Hiruzen, did you not come up with any means of helping you sort through and manage your paperwork?" I asked, just as pleasant. Naruto isn't the only one who could play a prank.

"I'm complaining to my 19 year old successor about it! Do you honestly think I found a shortcut?! We can't all have eyes that memorize everything they see!" Hiruzen was nearly shouting. Oh my, I am so glad my appointment with Tsunade is about to start.

I stared Hiruzen dead in the eyes, all emotion gone from my face. I cut the flow of chakra to my eyes, allowing them to return to their coal black color. With slow, exaggerated motions I stood up to my full height and I made a single hand seal I knew that Lord Third was all too familiar with. His eyes widened in a slow, dramatic fashion.

"Shadow Clone Technique" I said in a voice with no inflection. A perfect copy of myself stood next to me. I nodded at my clone who nodded back. With careful, meticulous steps, my clone walked behind the desk. He lowered himself down into the chair I had just vacated, and like a mother embracing their new born child, gently lifted the pen on my desk before signing my name on the document I had left unsigned.

The effect was instant. Lord Third clutched at his chest, his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he slid to the floor in an unconscious heap. I dispelled my clone and then continued my work. Not even five minutes later, my secretary poked her head in.

"Lady Tsunade is here to see you, Lord Hokage." She cheerfully informed me.

"Thank you Susume. Send her in." I told her politely. She nodded and as she closed the door, noticed Lord Third on the ground. She sighed in exasperation.

"Lord Fifth, how many times must I reprimand you? It is not nice to tease your elders!" Susume scolded lightly. I simply smiled and waved. The roll of her eyes clearly said she was done with my shit today.

Lady Tsunade entered a moment later, took one look at Hiruzen and laughed uproariously. "Ok, Uchiha, what did you do this time?"

I smiled at the woman that history says I should despise. Instead she had quickly become a good friend of mine. Her personality was a breath of fresh air. She could talk your ear off and turn your brain to jelly with her knowledge of the medical branch of shinobi arts, human anatomy, and a few other random subjects. In the same breath she could tell a joke that was a danger if you have just taken a drink of any liquid. Beauty, Brains, and Intelligence. If she were 20 years younger or I 20 years older, I would most likely attempt to court the woman. Instead, she reminded me of my Aunt Hae. Though Aunt Hae was much calmer and less boisterous, she had the same fiery spirit and loose laughter. She was a rock for me until her untimely death. I will never forget her, nor anyone from my clan.

"Did you know that Lord Third, between his two times serving as Hokage, spent 4 decades in office?" I asked in my innocent tone. The woman's grin never left her face as she nodded. "Well, Lord Third started to complain that I was somehow cheating at 'doing the accursed paperwork' in record time. He thinks I should suffer like him. That being buried under piles of paperwork is some… rite of passage." I shivered, just thinking of being so inefficient and disorganized made my stomach churn.

Tsunade laughed once more. "Ok, brat. Tell me what you did! He's foaming at the mouth and I'm almost positive I can see smoke escaping his ears. How did you fry his brain this time?"

"I turned off my eyes, and made a shadow clone after he admitted that in 40 years he never thought of a shortcut to help with his load of work." I stated simply. Tsunade was now rolling around on the ground, clutching her sides howling with laughter. I joined in her laughter, much more subdued though. She eventually managed to stand up and wipe away the tears of laughter.

"Ok, kid. You have to tell me. Everything I thought I knew about you is wrong. From everything I had been told, you were an emotionless killing machine. Even as a kid, no one saw you smile, let alone laugh. This brat in front of me is quiet and reserved, there's no question there. But you have a wicked sense of humor, a penchant for pranking, and seem to be nothing but those small smiles and quiet laughs." Tsunade asked, smiling across the desk at me.

I sighed and met the blondes eyes. "Just a few short months ago, that was likely true. I had nothing to live for except to serve my village as a double agent until the day I died of an incurable disease. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I had to survive long enough to die by Sasuke's hand. I needed him to be prepared for the plans Akatsuki had started to set in motion. I had it all figured out, and then hurricane Jiraiya rolled in and turned my life on its head."

"So that was it? Just hearing about the truth from Jiraiya somehow blew a sense of humor into you?" Tsunade asked in disbelief.

I shook my head. "No, that was simply the first spark. You, Tsunade, you were the real reason I started to believe again."

"Me? What are you talking about, kid?" Tsunade asked, sipping from the saucer… Where in the hell did she pull a bottle of sake and saucers from?!

"When you first met me, you didn't doubt Jiraiya for a moment. You believed in me and it was as if everything I did wasn't even an issue. That belief gave me hope that maybe one day, after working hard to earn their trust once again, the rest of the village could come to accept me. I would have been happy. Leaving that life of violence and pain to live out the rest of my days in my home village. Maybe extending my life by a few years with consistent treatments at the hospital. My dream had changed to seeing Sasuke flourish and achieve the rank of Jonin. You didn't just stop there though. You had to go and completely shatter my illusion at a peaceful life."

Tsunade smirked at me over her saucer. "As I said, kid. There's no one alive who can even claim to be in the same training ground as me. Face it, I'm amazing." She then grabbed a paperweight and tossed it randomly over her shoulder. A pained moan soon followed. "Get up, you pathetic geezer. I know you've been awake since just a few moments after I walked in. You will get absolutely zero pity from me. 'The Professor?' HA! What an absolute rubbish title. Not even smart enough to use a shadow clone as a slave. How do you think I've gotten so much done at the hospital already? I should be 'The Professor.'" She laughed loudly at her own joke, somehow managing to not spill a single drop of her liquid life.

I sent an apologetic smile to Lord Third. "Sorry, Hiruzen. You set yourself up for that one. Well, all of it. Pity is indeed the last thing you will get from me."

In a way only the elders are capable of, he 'harrumphed' and began to pout like a little kid. Muttering curses under his breath and shooting us both hate filled glares. Tsunade smirked and motioned for me to continue.

"I thought that I would die with a few years at the hands of my brother. Hated by the village and my only living relative. I'd be buried in an unmarked grave, and my name would be cemented as kinslayer and traitor. I was content. I had accepted that fate. Then you tell me you can cure me and Jiraiya was giving me my life back. The tiny ember Jiraiya had started was now a warm flame resting deep in my chest. However, the thing that finally shattered my walls and the cloud of gloom that seemed to follow me my entire life, happened right here in this room. When I held my baby brother in my arms and he hugged me back just as tight. That flame became a roaring bonfire. Things have only improved since then."

"My earliest memories are of my dad's harsh tone and even harsher punishment for anything less than perfect. Day in and out all I heard about was Shisui. How strong he was, how perfect he was. He was destined to be the next clan head, NO, the Hokage. 5 year old me hated him. I was constantly compared to Shisui. He was a once a generation genius. I was the clan head's son. I had to be perfect." In a move that surprised even myself, I snatched the saucer from Tsunade's grubby fingers and downed the burning liquid. The liquid scorched my throat and left a burn sensation. A burn that had been forming in the pit of my stomach matching it degree for degree. Tsunade raised an eyebrow and raised the bottle in a silent question. I held out the saucer and her grin turned savage.

"Fuck yes! I'm going to get to see Lord Brat hammered! This will be a first!" Tsunade crowed in triumph. I couldn't help the snort that escaped.

"Anyway" I began coughing slightly, "My entire life was grueling training, academic lessons, political training. Everything Shisui did, I had to do better, or face my father's displeasure. Shisui unlocked his sharingan at age 6. Father took me to a battlefield to see the horrors of war with my own eyes. I unlocked my sharingan at 5. Shisui graduated at age 7? I was better, I did it at age six. Chunin at 9? Chunin at 8. My entire life was always father pushing me to be better than Shisui. If he was a once a generation talent, what did that make me? The Clan Heads son who did everything even sooner? I was labeled a once in a century talent.

"Again and again father set expectations to impossible levels, and again and again I met them. Never once did he praise me for my accomplishments, only pointed out my failures. Let me ask you, is it normal for a 5 year old to have a nervous breakdown? Rhetorical question. No, it isn't. That's how Shisui found me. When I first met the boy, he was nothing what I expected. He wasn't a proper Uchiha. He was loud, outgoing, and lively. He was carefree, his accomplishments meant nothing to him. While my father continued to ignore my accomplishments and punish my failures, Shisui was always there. When I broke his record for graduation, Shisui threw me a party. When I made Chunin at the age of 8, Father reminded me that Kakashi had done it at age 6. Shisui? He took me to a buffet and let me eat myself sick."

I smiled sadly, missing my cousin now more than even in my life. "From the age of 3, until I met Shisui, I hated his guts. If he wasn't alive, I could have had a normal childhood. I could have went to the park instead of train until my hands bled. I could have had friends over instead of working on my chakra control until I passed out from exhaustion. He was the bane of my existence, and then I met him. From the first meeting, he became the most important person in my life." I suddenly laughed, causing my audience members to look at me questioningly. "He was so mad when I told him that he was now number two when Sasuke was born. He ranted and raved the entire way to my house to see the "best friend stealing demon." The moment he laid eyes on my baby brother, he just as quickly dropped me down to number two as well."

Hiruzen and Tsunade laughed lightly at that. It was one of my fondest memories. "So you see, from my earliest memories until the day Jiraiya ordered me home, my life had been completely and utterly miserable. The only saving grace I had was my bond with Shisui, and the love I had for my baby brother. If I didn't have those two things, I would have more than likely killed myself. It is the honest truth. The thought crossed my mind every day from the moment I left the village, until I was traveling with Naruto and Jiraiya."

The two older shinobi exchanged glances but didn't say anything. "So you see, you asked what happened. What changed me? I now sit in a seat that was occupied by four of the most powerful men to ever walk this planet. I sit in a position that is quite possibly the most powerful position in the world. I should be faltering and suffocating on the pressure of living up to those names and being responsible for over 100,000 people. I should be all those things. But I'm not. I've never felt freer in my entire life. The pressure to be perfect isn't there anymore. The perfect son, the perfect brother, the perfect heir. None of that weighs on my mind. I can simply be me. The people of this village do not expect me to be perfect. They just expect me to do what's best. I can handle that. I will handle it, and I will succeed. You charged me with this duty, Hiruzen. I won't let you down." I finished, downing another saucer of the clear liquid. The burn not as bad as it was previously. I hiccupped.

"Well said, brat! Better you than me! The hat looks good on you, you wear it well. Grandfather and Granduncle would be proud. Well, Grandfather would. Uncle Tobes would probably shit a brick seeing an evil Uchiha in the Hokage's seat!" Tsunade let out a bark of laughter. "Now enough of this touchy, feely, emotional crap! I have a damn meeting. I have gods damn proposals I need you to approve or deny, and I have 3 more gods damn bottles of this shitty sake to drink and doctors and nurses to torment!"

A stange giggling sound erupted from my chest, causing me to flush. How embarrassing. No more of that evil liquid for me. Well, maybe one more. "Ok, Hag. What do you have for me?" I smirked in triumph. The vein in Tsunade's head throbbed dangerously.

"What. Did. You. Call. Me?" She ground out.

"Well since you don't show me and my title the proper respect, then I will start giving as good as you give. Bring it, Lady." I made a motioning gesture, Uchiha smirk on full blast.

Tsunade ground her teeth audible. She then burst out laughing and sat down, downing another shot. She waved her finger at me. "You. I knew I liked you. You've got balls, kid. Now let's start!"

She pulled out a folder from the folds of her robe, as well as another bottle of sake. She poured a glass for each of us, not even bothering with Hiruzen. During his last checkup it was discovered he was beginning to develop liver sclerosis. He was banned from alcohol until Tsunade could reverse the effects. The herb she needed though to finish this medicine had yet to arrive. She pulled out a few sheets of paper. I activated my eyes… on the third try, and scanned the documents. My mind momentarily cleared from the alcohol induced haze, my excitement growing. Tsunade smirked knowingly.

"Good, isn't it?" She said haughtily. I nodded overenthusiastically like I was a child again.

"What is that, Tsunade?" Lord Third asked from his desk. I handed the document to Hiruzen while Tsunade gave a brief verbal overview.

"A complete revamp of the current curriculum. The academy is a 6 year program. With this new policy the first four years would encompass everything the current curriculum goes over, while adding a few new things. DON'T INTERUPT ME GEEZER! At the end of year four, the students would take a test similar to the current graduation exam. We would then score their tests and then they would be placed according to their aptitude and preference. Those who test high academically and have promising control would enroll in the genin level medical arts school. Those who seek to pursue hand to hand would go train their craft. So on and so forth. Upon graduation, you now have Genin that are specialized and better trained and equipped. Every team would have a medic in training, injuries and death projections of the next 5, 10 and 20 years are on page 17." She made a continue reading gesture.

She poured another drink, shaking her hand and head, forestalling Hiruzen once more. "Listen here, 'PROFESSOR' read the damn proposal front to back before you ask your frivolous questions that I've most likely answered in that 27 page document! I'll answer the first question though that you tried to interrupt me with. When was the last time you ACTUALLY looked at the current curriculum? It's literal dog shit. It's mostly useless facts, theory, basic shit, and lame ass techniques that barely get used outside of 'Replacement." They don't teach wall walking, they don't teach basic surivial techniques like the fucking simple E-Rank fire technique we use to light campfires! It's gutted! I'm going to properly gut it and revamp it. The syllabus for each quarter the students attend from year 1 to year 4 is all there. I only have the programs designed for medical arts and illusions. I need to work with those more qualified on things like swordplay, sealing, things like that."

"I love it, Tsunade. Get me a final, final draft ASAP. I will bring this rough draft to the new council meeting along with the rest of my orders. I will then assign members of the shinobi council to put together a team to put together all the logistics. Space, Money, Equipment. We will plan to have this program up and running in a year."

Tsunade sent me a sharp salute, not even a hint of sarcasm. "Yes Lord Brat-Kage! I'll have the final draft done by the end of the month."

There it was. I opened my mouth but Hiruzen interrupted me. "Itachi, what do you mean? You can't just go to the council and make demands and give orders. There's a process, it must be voted on it-"It was my turn to cut off my predecessor.

"Hiruzen. There is no other man on this planet that I respect more than you. Believe me when everything I'm about to say comes from a place of caring." I took a deep breath, and maybe another shot. That was only 4. Or was it 5? 6? Bah, I was fine. "Your first tenure as Hokage saw Konoha absolutely flourish. Even in the midst of fighting TWO shinobi wars, Konoha still grew leaps and bounds. You led us to victory, not once, but twice. The economy boomed. You were revered above all others who came before you. You ended your time as Hokage on the highest note. Minato was and most likely will be the absolute perfect candidate as Hokage. We were set for our true golden years. Minato had such progressive and wonderful ideas. And then shit hit the fan. He died, and you were forced to take up the mantle once more. You shouldn't have been more than a fill in." I glared at Tsunade at this point, she flipped me the bird. "But you stepped up when your village needed you most. Your second time serving as Hokage was, forgive my language, complete and utter shit."

Hiruzen's eyes widened in outrage and Tsunade's eyes were darting back and forth between us. "Admit it, Hiruzen. You were manipulated not only with my cousins stolen eye, but in the good old-fashioned ways. You were tired and worn down, you only wanted what was best for Konoha. You became a yes man and people pleaser, and it costs you dearly. Did you know that Konoha's economy is the largest of any of the great nation's, bar none? Did you also know that a proposal went into effect 10 years ago that YOU signed that stated that only 10%, TEN of our total gross income would be used for military purposes? We're a gods damn hidden village, Hiruzen! We aren't a tourist town! We aren't a family friendly neighborhood civilian town! We begin training kids at the age of SIX on how to take down and kill a grown man! We send kids not even in their teenage years to war. This. Is. A. Military. Village. We educate and train our own standing army. The first words out of my mouth at my inauguration were every decision I make will be for the benefit of the village. I intend to keep that promise. I am the Hokage. MY word is law. I intend to bring peace and happiness to all who live in these walls and I WILL not allow the greed of a few corrupt politicians to undermine my authority any longer. Do I make myself clear?" I finished boldly. At some point I had risen to my feet and my 'Sharingan' had activated without my knowledge. I quickly cut the connection.

Tsunade stood as well and began to slow clap. "That. THAT is what I like to hear. Well said, brat. I think I will come to the next council meeting. I can't wait to watch those smug, fat bastards shit themselves. Oh! You HAVE to flash those eyes at them. Cheers!" She shoved the saucer against my lips and forced me to drink. I spluttered at the unexpected move. I cleared my throat and made eye contact with Hiruzen. I meant every word I said, but god damn the alcohol is loosening my lips. I just went DAD MODE on a 70 year old legend! 'Do I make myself clear?' I'm so dead!

I barely caught myself as my knees nearly gave out. Hiruzen was smiling brightly at me from ear to ear. "I definitely made the right decision. I cannot wait for tomorrow's meeting. As Tsunade so eloquently put it, I look forward to watching those "smug, fat bastards shit themselves." You make me prouder every single day you hold your title. Continue to impress me, Lord Fifth.

I let out a sigh of relief and sat back down. "Ok, next item Tsunade." She threw a scroll at me which I caught deftly. I opened it. It was a list of names. "What is this?"

"Eh. All the people that have personally requested that they become my apprentice. It's no biggie, I'm kind of a big deal." She smugly replied, sipping her alcohol and checking her nails.

"I see. What does this have to do with me?" I asked in confusion.

"You're going to pick three names. You know what I look for, what my expectations are. If they do not meet my rigid standards, then I will punt not only them, but your scrawny ass across the village. I have no time to waste! I need personally trained minions to keep my plans on time!" She yelled, finger in my face. I blew a finger sized fireball directly at the offending appendage, causing her to jump back with a yelp. She blew a raspberry my way and downed another shot. I noticed the now full cup that had mysteriously appeared in front of me. What the hell?

"Fine." I quickly scanned the documents and found three perfect candidates. "There. Threaten me again and I'll punt YOU across the village, got it, Jugs?" I instantly flushed in embarrassment. "Ok, not more alcohol for me. I have no idea where that came from!"

Hiruzen and Tsunade though seemed highly amused by my comment. I breathed a sigh of relief. I still didn't know exactly what caused Tsunade's legendary temper to flair up unexpectedly.

She calmed down and found the names I had selected. "You're sure about these three? I'm being serious, if I plan on opening a proper medical school, I will need personally trained instructors and apprentices. The standards have fallen way too fucking far. We have a lot of work to do."

I nodded and pointed at the first name. "He'll be your biggest challenge, if you hadn't already guessed it. However, he put is name down so something has got him motivated. This one, well I know you've been dying to get one of them in your program. Finally, this man, will most likely be your hardest working student and most pleasant to work with. He is polite, hardworking, and has wanted to be a medic ninja for years."

She looked down at the paper once more. "Shikamaru Nara, Hinata Hyuga, and Haku Yuki. I'll take your word for it. Now, I need to also get your authorization. Shizune will be taking full control of the hospital, but she also wants to take on her own apprentice. She is ready, she's the only one who even comes close to my skill. I personally trained her. This is who she personally requested. She's talked to the girl and she seems absolutely over the moon about the idea."

I took the proffered biography and smiled. Mint green hair and Orange eyes stared up at me. I did have a rather large concern. "Her control? And isn't tailed beast chakra poisonous and corrosive to humans?"

Tsunade waved away my concerns. "Her control doesn't matter as it stands right now. Shizune is a bigger slave driver than I am. She will have the girls control to the required level or kill the girl trying. As for the beasts chakra, Fú and her partner are in perfect sync. The girl is still too young and requires more training, her body simply can't handle the amount of power and chakra just yet, but in the future, she will most likely be what is referred to as a perfect Jinchuriki, just like B of Kumo." Tsunade's smug expression only grew at seeing my look of disbelief. "What that means for now though is that Fú can completely filter her own chakra from the 7-tails. She will be a great student."

I opened my mouth to ask more questions but at that moment my door banged open. In stumbled a haggard looking Sasuke. Susume was behind him apologizing profusely. I pinned my foolish little brother with my most serious glare.

"Sasuke Uchiha. I may be your brother, but I am the Hokage. I cannot have you thinking you can just barge in here, without permission." I hissed through gritted teeth. "This had better be an emergency."

"Sorry, Brother- I mean Lord Hokage. But it is! Sakura has been attacked! I rushed her to the hospital and then came right here. It's bad, Itachi, it-"He cut off trying to fight back the tears. Hokage mode flew out the door faster than Sasuke barged in.

"Come. Let's go. Tsunade will be right there with us, she won't let anything happen to the girl." I motioned for Tsunade to follow us, Hiruzen spoke up.

"I will wait here for your next appointment. If it is something I can help with, I will. If not I will have him reschedule. Off with you all, Sakura needs you." Lord Third said, shooing us out the door.

I grabbed hold of Sasuke and in my best imitation of Jiraiya jumped out the window and 'Body-Flickered' away.

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