Into the Void

Rin was drifting, falling deeper than she ever had before.

It wasn't the same dark walls or the feeling of being crushed by his subconscious.

Something in Gaara opened to her; a secret part he may not have been aware of himself.

She focused her chakra, trying to gain control of whether she was moving forward or backwards, up or down.

Before her, a vast emptiness awaited and in that vastness, a small light gave her direction.

Her feet finally settled, moving towards it like a beacon. His mind was quiet, uncommonly so, it unnerved her with its silence.

"Where am I?" She wondered out loud, her voice coming out muffled.

Whatever level she stumbled upon; it wasn't anything she'd come across before. There was no guide, child or monster, to meet her. It didn't feel confined or frightening, it almost felt like for once, even his subconscious wasn't aware of her.

She'd managed to slip through, undetected; a feat she'd never achieved in any of her clients.

The light, that was once a pinprick in the night sky of his mind, grew as she neared it.

Her fingers rose to touch it, but hesitated. "What if he's not ready for me to go this far?"

The thought of turning around, of breaking her jutsu to rouse him, called to her.

This felt like more than mere relaxation, he felt broken in some way, like his mind had checked out.

Was her display of affection so overwhelming, that he honestly had no way to cope with it? Was his trauma that intense?

Her fingers wavered with the circulating thoughts of doubt. She didn't want to harm Gaara, but she also doubted an opportunity to wander a free mind like this, would surface again in her lifetime.

With a resolved breath, she placed one finger on the small spot of light and stepped through it.

The brilliant radiance blinded her momentarily, slamming her eyes shut. "Ouch."

After a moment, she managed to pry her eyes open and adjust them to the white room she'd stumbled upon.

Everywhere around her was blank; a vast, empty space that stretched on as far as she could see and in the center of it, was Gaara.

Not in his child or teenage form, but he himself as she'd come to know him. He stood in his familiar red jacket, a spot of blood on a snowy canvas, his arms crossed, facing away from her.

Rin dared a step forward. "Gaara?"

He didn't acknowledge her.

She moved slow and careful, uncertain of how hard she should step or loud she should speak.

The echoing of the room made her whisper. "Gaara, where are we?"

He was staring into the void, his face a blank expression.

She crept closer to look at his stone features, worrying her bottom lip.

Had she really broken him? Maybe such a drastic display of closeness was too much for his mind to handle at such an early stage?

Rin raised her hand to wave in front of his face. No change.

Suddenly, a small hand came into hers and she nearly jumped out of her skin. "What?!"

Looking down, she saw her original guide holding her tight. "Rin, I have something to show you. I remember what it was now."

She caught her breath, glancing back to the still frame that was adult Gaara.

How was he able to project two images of himself like this? His intelligence was something to be admired.

"Okay, where is it?"

Tiny Gaara led her forward, further down the white hallway.

His voice was a whisper. "It's not far."

Her steps echoed in the empty room, each seeming too loud against the silence. She felt unnerved, out of place in his mind.

While this was fascinating for her practice, Rin worried what this level of consciousness meant for both of them.

Was this a good thing? Had she done real damage to his psyche without realizing it? Maybe she was too cocky with her treatment?

"We need to move, Rin."

"Okay. Where is it, we're going, exactly?"

Tiny Gaara didn't look back at her. "To where it started. The beginning of it all."

Suddenly, the blank walls shifted, their once empty space flittering with pictures and Rin finally realized where she was. "I'm at the core. These are all his memories. Not just what he chooses to let me see, but all of them, unfiltered."

Before her played out every important part of Gaara's life, starting from the present and working backwards, playing in reverse as she walked deeper in.

She saw the day they'd spent together and tried not to focus on herself too much. His feelings on her should be private to him, but she couldn't resist one small peek.

The image of her standing in the backyard, with a firefly in her hand, made her smile.

"If she's the princess, I'm the monster."

His voice startled her and she looked down to her tiny guide. "What did you just say?"

He glanced at the memory and then back at her. "You're a beautiful princess. I'm not a prince, I'm the monster in the story. Princesses don't fall in love with monsters."

Rin started to protest, but the child wouldn't hear of it and pulled her forward.

She made a mental note to talk to him about that ridiculous thought later.

As they journeyed on, she saw other memories in reverse; giving him his first massage, the first time they mind-melded, standing up to the council with her hands on her hips.

Rin winced at how disheveled she looked, but appreciated the fire he saw in her eyes.

After that, she saw other important memories; Gaara's speech at the Great War, his fight with Sasuke Uchiha at the Kage Summit, his rise to Kazekage.

Her lips curved into a proud smile. He'd done so much in his young life.

"Well done, Gaara."

The child squeezed her hand in acknowledgement. "It's going to get darker. Stay close to me. He's nearby."

"Who?"

In response to her question, a growl vibrated the walls of memory.

The pictures transformed from his accomplishments, to his fears and failures.

The creature she'd seen before flooded everything, its dripping fangs smiling at the chaos in its wake.

She saw several ninja she'd never met, thrown against trees, their bodies encapsulated in sand and crushed into bloody remains.

Rivers of gore and discarded bodies took his mind; their pitching screams, an echoing cacophony against the once peaceful silence.

Over and over, for years and years, Gaara lived in a world of such intense hatred.

Assassins followed his every move, only to find themselves brought to oblivion by his wrath.

How he could come from the life he'd known, to the man she met, was truly incredible.

Amongst all of this, the legendary Naruto popped up sporadically. She'd seen his face before, but it was fading the further they went in.

"Are we going to before you met Naruto? Before you had friends?"

"Yes. We're almost there."

She was about to ask more questions, when the creature she'd faced off with came into view.

Its repulsive frame hunched over in the darkness, watching her pass with the same sickly grin, that tormented her the night before.

Rin felt like she should pull the child close to herself, a rush of maternal instinct flooding her, but he just patted her hand. "Don't worry. I won't let him hurt you again. I know you're good."

There was a moment of uncertainty, when it watched them walk by, the eyes of a predator on her back, but Rin trusted her guide; she could see the end coming in sight.

The walls of memory flashed the faces of his siblings, much younger than when she'd met them.

They were all playing in the sand, Gaara making shapes of various food items, much to the delight of Kankuro, who challenged him with requests.

It seemed like a nice memory, until she saw the shadow of the man who called it to end.

"Is that your father?"

Child Gaara hesitated. "Yes."

Rin took note of the man. There was a resemblance between them, but his eyes held so much more malevolence than Gaara's. How someone could look at their child that way?

"Is he what you wanted to show me?"

"No. I forgave him a while ago. He can't hurt me anymore."

Rin's jaw dropped. "You did? How did you manage that?"

Her guide turned and looked at her. "I'm the Kazekage now. I understand him, therefore, I love him."

Such potent words sounded strange in a child's voice, but Rin felt moved by them.

She wasn't sure if she could find it in her heart to forgive someone like that.

"We're here."

Rin drifted out of her thoughts to focus on where "here" was.

Before her stood something out of a nightmare. A giant cage, much too large for anything that walked the Earth, waited with its door wide open.

She took a step forward, trying to understand the scope of what she was seeing. "What is this?"

Child Gaara let go of her hand and walked into the cage.

He turned around to look at her. "It's where we started."

Another figure joined him, the half-mutated version they passed earlier, stood to the right of the child, nearly dwarfing him in his ghastly stature. "This is where everything began."

Rin's hand came to her mouth, marveling at what she was seeing.

Then, the soft, comforting voice she'd come to know as her friend, whispered in her ear. "And no matter what I do, what amends I make, I can't escape it."