11

The track to the breading ground always feel like it takes forever but it felt more this way now then ever I road next to Max and Lucas the entire way. While Emily say in the wagon with her mother. For the first time I realized that not all of us were excited to make it to the grounds.

Max didn't want to go. He wasn't ready to marry someone he never meant and he was super nervous about it. He was happy it was her joining our tribe and he would still be with his family but he had so many doubts. I could see how sluggish he was when it came to leavening each morning and how far away he looked, he also changed the subject anytime the fact that he was getting married was brought up. He just wasn't ready, and he didn't want to marry a person he had never meant and it was obvious he was frustrated he didn't get too choose and I think he had someone in mind.

Things only got a little more awkward when he started changing the subject to about me and Lucas.

We had been talking about what we were looking forward to once we got there and this journey was over. Max was ready for food and looking forward to a real meal. I was excited for the market place and for the celebrations. That when Max made a comment that I really wasn't ready for. He tried to answer for Lucas, he said "I know what Lucas is excited for." I fell in his trap and asked "what would that be?"

And of course he smiled and I knew he was about to say or do something to irritate me.

"He's excited to see you in your outfit against the celebration and for your marriage to be finalized by the end of the season."

I really wanted to hit him, but I didn't. Lucas's fave started to turn as red as his hair when Max said that. It took him a few minutes to regain his color and say something. His words didn't make it any better either though.

"Megan, Max was right about something. I can't wait to see you dressed up again at the celebration, I don't think I ever got the chance to tell you how beautiful you looked that night."

"Aww, thanks. You looked really nice that night too, I hadn't realized how well you cleaned your until then." I said as I smiled.

That's really all I could come up with. Like out of everything I could of said of course those were the words that came out of my mouth. Why wouldn't that be what I said to the guy I wasn't even sure that I felt anyway towards and a guy I didn't really want to marry. As soon as I said it I could believe what I heard myself say. No clue what was going through my mind that said that's how I should respond, but he responded back with "thank, Megs." His face also turned red again as he smiled.

Only me could be this nice that I didn't want to say I didn't want to marry him and I'm so used to acting and pretending that it's what I did probably on instinct. I did care about him and how he felt and I really didn't want to hurt him, so of course I was overly nice and flirty to compensate for it. No wonder everyone thought we would be a good couple because I care to much about him and his stupid feelings to be mean and be true to how I feel. Things were weird between us after that for the rest of the trip. All of a sudden we would say one comment and be kinda flirty with each other and his face would get read and I would blush a little and then we would stop talking and ride next to each other in silence for hours, then be flirty again. The cycle just kept repeating its self and it was super weird and I knew I couldn't be flirty forever and eventually I would have to tell him the truth about how I felt, but while we were follow the herd with all these people around and no way to avoid each other just didn't seem like the right place or time to be that way. I decided I will tell him after we arrive and set up the huts, but I would have to do it before the festival. That would be the only way for him to go meet other girls who he could potentially decide to marry and for me to be free to meet other guys without hurting. I'm completely aware I'm leading him on right now and I guess I have been for a while, but s part of me doesn't want to tell him at all and I think there is a part of me that wants to be with him. I'm just not sure how big that part of me really is.

I went to talk to Emily the night we arrived at the breading grounds, I needed to tell someone how I was feeling. Since she is his sister and my best friend she would know what to do. I explained everything to her, well almost everything. I told her I didn't know how I felt and what had been going on this entire week and opened up in a way I didn't think I would. At some point I know I told her "I'm scared to tell him because what happens if I'm wrong and the way I feel about him is what real true love feels like in the beginning or middle before you come out in the open with it, and I'm wrong about thinking I only love him as a brother. I've never fallen in love before so I don't know how it feels so I don't know how I feel."

I love Emily she always knows just the right things to say and she responded by saying "talk to him and tell him what you just told me. If he loves you he will understand and maybe he's feeling the same way and you guys can work it out and figure it all out together. Neither of you ever have felt this before because neither of you were around other potentially suitors. From the day you arrived he was the only guy close to your age you were ever around and all of a sudden none of the girls who were his age and around his age hung out around him anymore. I think our parents have been planning you two to be married for a very long time and have done everything in their power to insure that you two formed a relationship and bond, so you would trust each other and eventually be able to use that to start out your marriage on a good note. That way it would be a strong marriage between two people who knew everything about one another, and had no secrets so the two of you would have more than just a strong marriage you would also be good strong leaders who came at every challenge that could come your way as a united front."

"Thank you, I think your probably right like normal." I said as I smiled at her.

Emily was very smart especially for a human. She was going to make a good wife and mother one day and I think she would be a good head lady if that ever was able to come into the cards.