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I can't help but wonder the stress that the two of them are both about to feel as the days get closer and they both become surrounded by people that they don't truly know. Today will be the most light hearted day out of the ceremony. The days to come we are going to be prepped for tonight by the leader. Neither Liz or I have ever participated in the wedding rituals but we both have to go through one soon enough. Most women that get married young and most men who are married young haven't participated in the ceremony so they don't know what they are in for until it's their own. I was just taught what each day of the ceremony will bring very recently when Liz told me about it. She was told about it by one of her friends who was married into her clan but she said her friend didn't go into much detail. That we will be taught our part by the leader, or the other tribes head lady. I'm also aware in certain tribes you check for chastity I know that's not something that happens in my his tribe though but if it's required for the other tribe we have to preform a specific ritual. I have also heard rumors that this clan is especially hard on the women who are marrying into it. I'm not sure what all of that involves though. Her world is about to start to make a big change though. A little different climate and along with different people and a husband. That would be something that could turn your world upside down and I understand the feeling because I've been through something similar three times now. Having my whole life changed and surrounded by new people and having expectations put on you that you didn't have before and are just trying to figure out as you go. It's a lot to process, I can't imagine being told I needed to learn it all in less than four days while being under the stress and nerves that come with marrying someone I haven't never seen let alone meant one in my life.

Marrying a complete stranger, I guess I do know something about that but I didn't marry Corey although I might as well have since I was living with him. I know him now though and I never felt pressure after meeting Corey. I hope she can find what I feel for him, being drawn to him and knowing immediately that he was the person I wanted to spend my life with, and the same safety and comfort I feel when he's around me even if we aren't touching just his presence is enough to help calm me and make feel warm and like nothing can hurt me. If she can find that with Sam then she will never have anything to worry about again. I hope Liz can find something like we have and marry him, I wish ever women would be able to find this kind of love and peace, but I know that's not how the world works and marriages are based off alliances and what people can do for them when you're high up in the tribe. The lower members don't have it much better although they can marry who they choose for the most part they can't have someone who's too high up since they don't have anything to benefit the other family so it could cause them to lose the person they love.

I'm happy I don't have to worry about that. I have already found the person I love. I wonder if my mother ever found that with someone or if everyone she was with was to protect herself and her family. I wonder if she ever found the man that my uncle had told me about once, her first love before everything went badly. I wonder if this is the feeling she felt with him and if she ever reunited with him or if he survived after she left him and her human friends and family in order to protect them from other like herself. I wonder if either of my uncles ever found this kind of love. I guess I won't ever truly know. In times like this I wish I had a mother to talk to. Someone who could help guide me and give me advice, I wish I had someone to say goodbye to, I wish I had said goodbye. A real goodbye.

I lost two sets of parents in my life time, most people aren't lucky enough to even have one parent that would risk their own lives for them and protect them at all cost and I did. My mother died for me and father most likely died to protect my mother while she was pregnant with me. Then my adopted parents who treated me as if I was their own blood. They took care of me and raised me, they protected me from anything that could cause me harm. They over did it but at least they cared enough to make sure I was safe and tried to make me feel like I was never alone and as if I belonged. Yet I never even said goodbye, not to either of them. When my mother left me in that village I was so confused, I sat there waiting for her to come back. I didn't say goodbye when she flew away. I didn't know I was never going to see her again. Then when I left my tribe. I hadn't planned on what had happened to me, but a part of me had planned on leaving and had long to be free. I never said goodbye. Not as much as a note. I don't even think I said goodbye to them that day when I left with Liz. I can't imagine what they felt when they found out I was gone. They had already lost one child and I don't know what kind of pain it is to lose a child. I do know that a lot of mothers won't try again or I have heard stories of women killing themselves over the lose of a husband or a child. Stories of women become so distraught after the death of there child that they become so ill they die. All I can do is hope that they are alright and nothing bad has happened to them. I know if something did that it's my fault to some extent because I left and I didn't just leave. I disappeared and as far as the rest of the world was concerned I was dead. Only Corey knew I was actually alive, I don't know who all he told but I know it wasn't very many people if anyone at all. He did it to protect me and make sure I was safe because he couldn't risk my life even if it meant being found and him having to pay the price.

I've gotten so lucky, I've had so many good people come into my life who wish only the best for me. Even after everything I've lost and all the bad things that have happened, I have found so much good in this life. It makes me wonder what I've done to deserve it all.