Nice Food and Drink
Translated by XephiZ
Edited by Aelryinth
The moral degeneration of the world was getting worse day by day!
Many people were lamenting about how society had become so materialistic. Even marriages had turned into trades that were done on a scale.
However, it turned out that even ghosts had the same idea!
The man had more than twenty properties in the living world...
What a coincidence, the lady had more than twenty properties in the underworld, too! Such an appropriate match! Rejoice!
Zhou Ze's lips twisted subconsciously as soon as he heard the question. He was trying hard not to laugh. At the same time, he was feeling quite content.
Zhou Ze already had an urge to slap his neighbor, who kept mentioning how he had over twenty properties, in the face long ago. To his surprise, the ghost had ended up falling for it, too.
-Karma is a bitch!-
Xu Qinglang immediately broke out in sweat. He might be a Taoist, but he only knew a little trick to see the dead or put up a double act by himself. He was nothing like Celestial Master Zhang or he would not have been so scared in front of the little girl.
Xu Qinglang raised his head after gathering his thoughts, looking into the sky.
-What did you just say?
-I don't understand.
-Who's the person you are referring to?
-I've never met him before.-
However, Xu Qinglang's eyes were blinking rapidly when he saw Zhou Ze raising his right hand and pointing at him.
"!@#$%^&*!!!!" Xu Qinglang felt like a thousand bottles of plum juice were rolling deep inside his heart!
The two men with suonas walked up to Xu Qinglang and said respectfully, "Please enter the palanquin, young master."
It turned out that the palanquin was not a ride for Zhou Ze. It was indeed sent by the ghost madam to escort her groom.
Zhou Ze reevaluated his identity as a temporary Envoy.
"Don't you touch me, stop pulling me, stop dragging me! I swear I'm going to fall out with you!" Xu Qinglang kept struggling as the two men pushed him toward the palanquin.
He did mention that he was going to turn over a new leaf and was planning to find a girlfriend, but he never said that he was interested in a ghost!
"Zhou Ze, you set me up, you set me up!" Xu Qinglang yelled. Somehow, he sounded like an honest girl being forced into prostitution.
He would rather die than submit in order to protect his virginity!
"Just go and take a look. Maybe the ghost looks like Joey Wong? Maybe it isn't that bad?" Zhou Ze smiled.
After Xu Qinglang was forced into the palanquin, the suona man said to Zhou Ze, "Your Excellency may follow behind us."
The man pointed at the scooter parked in front of Xu Qinglang's restaurant. "Your Excellency may take the ride."
Zhou Ze remembered how the car made of joss paper driven by the ghost driver had still managed to transport him to his bookstore. It turned out that the belongings of the dead had certain powers that the law of physics could not explain.
The scooter belonged to Xu Qinglang, but it was none of Zhou Ze's concern. He locked the door and rode the scooter behind the palanquin.
------
The palanquin moved remarkably quickly.
The porters were still taking nine shallow steps and one deep step.
Every time the porters and the suona men took a deep step, they would do a little hop, and the palanquin would sway wildly.
Each time, Xu Qinglang would let out a cry inside the palanquin. It sounded like the pleasant chirp of a bird, soothing and alluring.
When Zhou Ze caught up with the palanquin, Xu Qinglang flipped the curtain open. Zhou Ze saw Xu Qinglang blushing a little. The man looked like he had just been ravished. He was biting his lips, an embarrassed look on his handsome face.
The palanquin rose all of a sudden as the porters took a deep step.
"AH!" Xu Qinglang subconsciously let out a cry again. He glared at Zhou Ze sulkily, feeling quite ashamed!
Zhou Ze grabbed the handle of the scooter with one hand while waving with the other. He said, "How embarrassing!"
"This palanquin is influencing my soul. It's doing something to my soul!" Xu Qinglang immediately explained himself. He was seriously worried that Zhou Ze would think he was actually enjoying the ride.
"You're trying to hide something if you try to explain yourself," Zhou Ze said. "Your body is being quite honest."
"..." Xu Qinglang glared at Zhou Ze again, before pulling down the curtain.
It was like a woman glaring at a heartless man who had sacrificed her for the sake of his own fame and fortune!
------
Zhou Ze realized that the porters and the suona men were moving in a certain pattern, like puppets. They were most likely the paper dolls sold in a joss shop, similar to the wooden ox that Zhuge Liang had invented during the era of the Three Kingdoms.
The porters continued to repeat the same sequence of nine shallow steps and one deep step, and Xu Qinglang continued to let out a cry every repetition of the sequence.
Zhou Ze followed behind the palanquin on the scooter.
---
The bridal party soon left the city and entered the Tongzhou district.
The Tongzhou district was called Tong County a few years ago. It had only turned into a district not long ago. Zhou Ze had come here not long ago when he was helping the old lady he met in the mortuary find the possessions she left behind.
The bridal party made their way toward a barren area just beyond the Jianghai Highway. The place was surrounded by tall buildings. It seemed that construction of the place had halted for some reason.
The road ahead was not suitable for driving. Zhou Ze had no choice but to walk on foot while pushing the scooter along.
---
After walking a distance, the place lit up all of a sudden!
The dark and barren land was suddenly filled with lights. More than twenty tables were placed in the open, each serving ten cold dishes. The place was bustling with noise and laughter.
A busybody among the crowd yelled, "The groom has arrived!"
A huge crowd suddenly gathered around the palanquin, moving right past Zhou Ze in a hurry. Some simply went through his body and his scooter.
Zhou Ze was still clenching his right hand. The seal was still burning.
Even without the reminder from the seal, Zhou Ze was well aware that this place was something he had to settle as an Envoy.
The dead had already gathered and formed their own community under the influence of the ghost woman. It was clearly something he could not turn a blind eye to!
Zhou Ze waited patiently. First, he was only replacing the little girl temporarily. He was not in a rush to make bold changes after his recent promotion, or he might end up burning himself to death. After all, if something was to go wrong in the living world, the people substituting for the job were the first to take the blame. Zhou Ze believed the same principles were applied to the world of the dead. After all, the dead were all from the living world!
Second, if it was something that he could deal with easily, why didn't the little girl deal with it on her own?
The ghost even invited him over to congratulate him on his promotion. It was quite obvious that the ghost was not scared of him.
"Put the palanquin down!"
The porters lowered the palanquin, and Xu Qinglang was dragged out of it. He looked embarrassed, shy, and ashamed.
A woman dressed in an ancient, black dressed walked up to Zhou Ze and Xu Qinglang and bowed. "The lady is waiting."
"Come." Zhou Ze patted Xu Qinglang on the shoulder.
Xu Qinglang slapped Zhou Ze's hand off his shoulder in disgust, but still followed behind Zhou Ze.
They walked past the tables. The dead, dressed in all kinds of outfits, were pointing and talking about them. Zhou Ze felt a little uncomfortable. Luckily, the noise disappeared when they arrived in front of a two-story red house.
The house was decorated with lights and lanterns. It even had a pair of new couplets on the walls.
The layout of the house was similar to a modern home. They found themselves in the living room after entering through the door. The woman in a black dress gestured for Zhou Ze and Xu Qinglang to walk further in.
"Are you looking forward to it?" Zhou Ze suddenly asked, "If she really looks like Joey Wong, you shouldn't indulge in pleasure and forget about who you are and your duty."
"I'm looking forward to hearing that she likes threesomes," Xu Qinglang snapped back furiously. It was quite obvious that he was hoping to drag Zhou Ze down with him.
Zhou Ze had gone all out to set him up, as if he was eager to see him suffer… all because he liked to mention that he had more than twenty properties!
Wasn't he simply stating the truth!? Was he boasting about it on purpose?
---
The two walked into a hall along a red carpet. The walls nearby were hung with delicate cross-stitched tapestries.
A woman in a red wedding gown was seated elegantly at a table. The table was served with dishes and wine.
The woman rose to her feet and invited the two to the table."Your Excellency, my husband, please take a seat."
They could not see the woman's face, as her head was covered by a veil. However, her voice sounded quite pleasant.
Zhou Ze proceeded to his seat, dragging Xu Qinglang with him. The latter hesitantly sat down on the chair.
Since he was already here, he might as well stay and see what the ghost was up to...
The dishes on the table had a pleasant smell, as did the wine.
"Your Excellency, please eat," the ghost lady gestured.
Zhou Ze remained still.
Meanwhile, Xu Qinglang wolfed down a few cups of wine and exclaimed, "Nice wine!"
He proceeded to wolf down the dishes, as if he was turning grief into appetite.
Zhou Ze breathed heavily and covered his mouth.
"What's wrong? Have some, it's delicious, even better than what I can cook!" Xu Qinglang was a chef. He could easily tell if a dish was delicate.
-Did he never watch a horror movie?- crossed Zhou Ze's mind.
However, he did not spill the beans, either. He picked up a few mouthfuls of the dishes with his chopsticks and placed them in Xu Qinglang's bowl. "Here, have some more. I can't eat since I don't have the plum juice. You know that."
Xu Qinglang continued to wolf down the food. He would rather die after filling up his stomach. It was seriously quite delicious!
Xu Qinglang was thinking that he should ask the ghost lady for the recipes. Even a chef of a five-star restaurant could not cook something so delicious.
Zhou Ze nodded in satisfaction after seeing Xu Qinglang swallowing a few mouthfuls of the dishes.
He asked the ghost lady, "Madam, may I ask how you cooked these dishes?"
"Your Excellency, the wine is brewed from the piss of the pedestrians on the street. This one here is cooked delicately with fresh snakes, worms, rats, and ants..."
Xu Qinglang's face turned pale. He pointed at Zhou Ze and vomited before he could say a word.