Nuclear Winter

I wake up with my vision blurred, and as the sounds of electrical sparks going off throughout my crashed ship, I try to move around but it seems like both my arms are completely numb, and aren't responding to any attempts to move, I then ask my self.

"did I crash land in Alpha Orbis?"

I move my head to get a better look of my surroundings, but my field of view is still very limited because of my blurred vision, I then think to myself.

"I need to get a move on fast, before my radiation suit runs out of oxygen in it's tank."

after thinking about my oxygen supply, I look at gauge around my wrist and see that it's on seven eights mark, I then think to myself relieved.

"good, at least this tells me that I was unconscious for an hour and that I only have seven hours of oxygen left in this tank."

I then remember that there's another radiation suit with an additional eight hours of oxygen, to help prolong my survival with all the dangerous radiation flowing inside the planet's atmosphere.

a little short while later my vision clears up, and notice soot particles floating around my ship, I stare at each one a say to myself softly.

"the firestorms must have calmed down now and soot has filled the stratosphere of this planet."

as the numbness on both of my arms recedes, I slowly unbuckle myself and start wondering around my ship, to see if there any way that I can repair it, but with every component I find in a state of disrepair, my hopes in fixing my ship fades away, I then think to myself.

"don't lose hope yet, there still must be a way to leave this planets."

I find Cooper's radiation suit and detach the oxygen tank from it, I then think to myself trying not to freak out.

"with both oxygen tanks, I should have at least fifteen hours of breathable air."

I then carry it with both arms, and leave my ship, through a hole that has been blown open from the side, I get a good look at the the sky and see that the sun has been completely blocked by soot, I then think to myself as I stare at the lifeless and ruined city in the distance.

"Nuclear Winter has begun."

I take a look around and notice that my ship crash landed, at a park with a small lake nearby, as I walk leaving footprints on the soot covered ground, I hear faint coughing in distance, I think to myself, surprised that someone survived.

"it should be impossible, for someone to survive this much radiation."

I follow the sounds of the coughing and I think to myself still baffled with the thought of someone alive.

"even of the radiation didn't kill them, the soot should have suffocated them at least."

the sound of coughing grows louder with every step I take, and as I spot a small figure laying on the ground completely covered in soot, I think to myself.

"be careful, even if you want to help, there is no telling that this person won't attack you."

I gently lay the oxygen tank that I was carrying, on the ground and slowly pull out my sidearm from the suit's belt, I then aim at the body and shout hoping they could hear me through the suit.

"don't worry, I'm here to help you!"

but the only response that I got out of them was coughing, I take a deep breath and cautiously approach the body covered in soot and say to them once more.

"relax, I'm here to help you okay?"

I kneel down and begin to gently sweep all the soot off of the body, and the person that was underneath all of it, was a little girl that is about seven years old with brunette hair, and light brown eyes, staring straight at me with a shocked expression on her face, she then asks while coughing weakly.

"daddy is that you?"

I shake my head and reply still wiping off the soot covering her.

"no, but don't worry, I'll get you on your feet, and we'll look for your dad."

she coughs once more, but this time, it sounded much more violently, and a couple drops of blood comes spewing out of her mouth, I then look at her concerned, knowing fully well what kind of damage her body is taking, with all the radiation and soot in the air, I kneel down and try picking her up but she lets out a ear piercing scream that made my blood curl upon my gloves making contact with her arms, I recoil and take my hands off her, I stare at both of my gloves and see that they are covered in blood, confused on why, I look down on the little girl, and see two wounds that are around the same size as my hands burned deep into her skin, I once again look at both of my hands and think to myself.

"did my gloves just peel off skin?"

she calms down a bit, and pleads weakly.

"daddy please help me, everything hurts."

I panic, not knowing how to carry her, without causing more damage to her fragile body, but I can't take my time since I'm limited with the amount oxygen I have, I take a couple of deep breaths and think to myself.

"I need to find some kind of safety harness that will let me carry her without touching her.

I look down at her and say trying to reassure her.

"okay, I'm going away for a bit, but I won't be gone for long."

she responds weakly.

"no please don't leave me alone daddy, I'm scared."

not knowing how to respond to her, I think to myself.

"Come on Bryan, get your shit together or this little girl will definitely die right here and now."

I take a quick look around to see if there was anything I could use, but unfortunately there was no such thing that I could use in the immediate area, as I look up at the darkened and gray sky, I think to myself.

"damn it, I'm just wasting valuable time."

I look back at my damaged ship and get an idea.

"I could use some anesthetics on her, and quickly

bring her into my ship, so that I can run a scan on her and see how much radiation her body took in."

I head back to the ship and after grabbing the anesthetic spray, I quickly make my way back to where the little girl was laying down, I then kneel next down to her and say.

"okay I'm back now."

she replies weakly, while coughing up more blood.

"daddy everything hurts."

I reply trying to comfort her.

"don't worry, I'm going to make the pain go away and get you out of here."

I shake the can the contains the anesthetic and spray it all over her, making sure that I don't miss a spot, I then throw it away, once the moment it ran out, and as I reach down to pick her up I say.

"alright you shouldn't feel any pain right now, but if for some reason you still do, let me know okay?

she nods.

"I will daddy."

I gently pick her up and wonder.

"is she calling me daddy, to help her cope?"

I walk back to my crashed ship, while carrying her with care like how you would when handle a baby, and as I sit her down gently on my seat, I get a better on how on how she looks, and the first thing that I noticed was how pale she looked and see very noticeable radiation burns, she looks at me with tired eyes and asks.

"daddy will you make me feel better?"

I give her a reassuring smile.

"I'll try my best."

I grab my radiation scanner, where our radiation suits were located at, and I tell myself.

"Bryan, there's nothing you can do for her, you don't need the scanner to tell you that she has already taken in deadly amounts of radiation and she will die, a slow and agonizing death."

I try to drown out that thought by saying to myself.

"no, don't you dare talk that way Bryan, how would your sister and niece think of you, if you don't even try to help that little girl."

I take a couple of deep breaths before heading back to her, to help calm my nerves, hoping that when I scan her, the results will show me that I can at least still save her, and as I head back to her, she shouts in pain.

"help me daddy, everything hurts!"

I run to her and see that her pale skin, has turned slightly red, and without thinking, I quickly scan her with my radiation scanning device and the results tell me, that she is bleeding internally, and that radiation sickness has already kicked in, I then think to myself feeling completely defeated and helpless.

"I've failed, I'm not properly equipped to save people who are suffering from radiation sickness."

still trying to think of ways of saving her, an idea comes to my mind and I quickly make my to the cryo stasis room to see if they are still working, but once I run a quick system diagnostics on them, I get a system malfunction message, and upon seeing it, I collapse to the floor, trying to hold back my tears. I spent a couple contemplating on what to do next and the only thing I could think of was making her death quick and painless, I then look at my sidearm and think to myself.

"God, please forgive me."

I stand up while holding on to my sidearm firmly, and as I slowly walk back to her, I repeat this sentence to myself the whole way back.

"God if there's another way to save this little girl's life, please send me whatever sign."

the closer I get to her, my ears start to ring, almost like it is trying to keep any thoughts that will keep me from giving her a quick and painless death, and as I arrive and aim my gun to her head in an angle where she can't see me, I say to her with my voice quivering.

"everything will be okay, you will no longer feel any pain and the your will see your father again."

she responds weakly.

"thank you."

I pull the trigger, and I immediately start sobbing after everything around me falls silent. Xuilana gives me a concerned look after she notices tears coming down my face, she asks with a sympathetic voice.

"was there really nothing you could have done to save that little girl."

I reply wiping off my tears.

"no, if I kept her alive, she would have died a slow and painful death."

I choke up on my words and my throat starts going dry, Xuilana gives me a comforting hug and says.

"I'm glad you told me, it must be hard, not being able to talk about, all of your painful experiences that you've gone through."

I bury my face into her shoulders and begin sobbing, she then strokes my hair and says with a soft and comforting voice.

"you don't have to feel alone anymore, I'm here if you ever want to talk about your painful past."

I slowly lift my head and say to her.

"thank you, It has been a while, since I've told anyone about the things I've done and gone through."

she smiles warmly and gives me a gentle kiss, I then ask, feeling like a small weight has been lifted from my mind.

"so tell me, how did you know that there was something on with me?"

she replies.

"when you came home from work, you had the same distant look, like you did before, and so I assumed that there was something going on."

I kiss her this time and say.

"thank you again, I don't know what I would have done, if I didn't have you with me."

with her face, red with embarrassment she responds by changing the subject.

"well anyways, let's go get some sleep, because tomorrow you've got a huge day."

I then think to myself.

"yeah she's right, tomorrow is the day, where we take Emilia out of cryo stasis."

we stand up from the couch and head towards my bedroom together, where she says.

"I know these past two months have been rough and so I want you to know that I'm really proud of you, I mean it can't be easy to start a new life in a foreign environment."

I reply smiling.

"it helps that I've got someone like you in my life."

embarrassed with what I said, she avoids eye contact with me and replies.

"it's because I love you."

surprised with what she said, I ask.

"huh what did you say?"

she walks away and says completely flustered.

"I didn't say anything, dummy."

she sticks her tongue out in a teasing manner and walks into my bedroom, I just stand there with a goofy smile on my face and reply to her in my mind.

"I love you, too."