SImple Enemies

"I am so going to kick Jacob's ass after this." I muttered under my breath.

{Oh you'll definitely get the chance soon.} Said the Gods.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked. "That's way too vague."

{We're trying to avoid predicting the future.}

"I see." I said, knowing damn well I didn't.

I continued walking through the burning hellscape, stepping around the occasional lava slime and killing the occasional hellbat.

"You know, you never told me where I could find hellstone." I said, realizing that I had absolutely no idea what hellstone looks like.

{You'll know it when you see it. Just look for orange and red.}

I looked around the area with a flat stare.

"Orange and red, huh?" I said. "What a unique color scheme." I continued sarcastically, staring at the lava.

{Don't sass us.}

"I'll sass you as much as I want." I said. "You gave me dumb advice, and I have every right to taunt you for it."

The Gods simply huffed inside of my head, clearly less than pleased.

I looked around the burned hellscape silently, noting the very distinct figure of a red and orange tower that stood out compared to the other black towers.

"I assume that's hellstone."

The Gods stayed silent.

"I'll take that as a yes." I said, beginning to run towards the tower.

Only to quickly shift into a roll to dodge a fireball passing over my head.

I turned to look at where the fireball came from and saw a bright orange imp standing atop one of the towers, already holding another fireball within its hand.

I stood back up and continued my run, dodging the fireballs launched at me with relative ease.

I noted a lack of fireballs after the third shot, and had the bright idea to look behind me.

The imp was gone, and I had no idea where it went.

A second later I found out exactly where it went since I pretty much tackled the creature.

Not a fun experience, especially since it was made out of fire. (I only realized they weren't after I finished the chapter, and I am not going to rewrite a tenth of my chapter.)

The moment I impacted the imp I got several very painful burns all around my body due to the heat passing right through my armor and immediately assaulting my skin.

I quickly rolled off of the creature, all the while wincing in pain due to the burns.

I pulled out one of the healing potions that I had in my inventory, quickly pouring it over my body.

While applying it to the would is less effective than drinking, the effect is made up with ease of use.

The liquid seeped through the gaps in my armor and quickly began working on dealing with my burns.

The soothing feeling of the burns healing quickly calmed me down, and I refocused on the imp.

It was in the middle of getting back up, but I wasn't going to allow it the luxury of a fighting chance.

I pulled out the sunfury, my preferred weapon as of late, and quickly attacked the downed enemy while it tried to get up.

It hit it with a sickening thud and the imp fell down once again, turning its head to look at me in spite.

It screeched some words at me in an unknown language before disappearing in a flash of fire.

Seeing the vanishing act, I spoke for the first time in several minutes.

"So they can teleport." I muttered. "What a pain in the ass."

I stared at the spot where the imp once was, completely forgetting what the imp did to cause this whole fight.

I only remembered after a second due to the fact that I saw a fireball flying my way out of the corner of my eye.

"Oh." Was my only response to the sight, not at all affected by the currently approaching orb of fire.

I did a quick sidestep and dodged the fireball with ease.

I looked towards the origin of the fireball and stared the offending imp in the eyes.

The imp glared at me with hatred clear in its eyes.

I simply flipped it the bird in response.

It glared harder.

I flipped it another bird with my other hand, moving the flail back into my inventory.

It responded with a fireball, which I easily sidestepped.

I dismissed my helmet and gave it the smuggest grin I could muster.

My grin only grew wider as I saw the imp start screeching in rage while jumping around the area it was in angrily.

"These guys are way too easy to piss off..." I muttered, clearly amused.

I could hear the Gods snickering quietly in the back of my head, telling me that they were just, if not more, amused than I was.

I expected the imp to teleport towards me in a blind rage, so I simply stood still and waited for them to come to me.

It only took a few dozen seconds for the imp to do exactly what I expected it to.

I stared at the imp, and it responded with a series of screeches that I assumed were insults.

'What did they just say?' I asked, intrigued by what the insult might have been.

The Gods were laughing quite hard but were able to form a coherent answer to my question.

{They said, and I quote: "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."} The Gods said in a strained voice, clearly trying not to burst out laughing.

I couldn't help but snicker at the insult as well, as it was quite funny, albeit a bit mean.

I simply grinned at the imp and summoned my flail in response.

I watched in amusement as the imp's eyes widened in fear at the sight of the sunfury, clearly recognizing the item that had hurt it so badly.

I threw the flail at the imp once more, striking them once more.

The imp cried out in pain, and I watched as its flames quickly snuffed themselves out.

{A bit morbid, isn't it?} The Gods remarked.

"Yeah, it is quite morbid." I agreed.

I heard the gods snicker once more before speaking once again.

{They deserved it though, as even if their insults were creative, they were also very hurtful.}

I coughed at the reminder of the insult, trying my best to stifle my laugh.

"I guess it's back to the search for hellstone." I remarked, trying to shift the topic away from the now-deceased imp's insults.

{Not really.}

"Why are we stopping now?" I asked, confused at the random stopping point.

{Look around you.} The Gods said. {Notice anything interesting?}

I looked around and noted a glaring detail: There are weird rocks scattered throughout the area, each one as wide and tall as I was.

My gaze flattened into a deadpan stare.

"That's all hellstone, Isn't it?" I stated.

{Yep.}

"I should probably be happy about this, but I can't help but feel annoyed." I said in a flat tone.

{Why is that?}

"Looking at this now, I realize that I have definitely walked past the ore quite often during our past trips."

{Oh you definitely did. We just didn't point it out.} The Gods helpfully commented.

My eye twitched in annoyance.

"It's at times like this that I remember how much I despise your personality."

{We are aware of the effect we have on mortals.}

"Inexplicable rage?" I asked.

{More often than not.} They admitted.

"I can understand why."

The Gods just hummed quietly.

And so I got to mining the hellstone.