Hurts

I want to die but i want no one to be sad about my death, I feel like life has slipped away and as I try to chase everything I just get pulled farther away. If I start to hurt people again will they be less sad about my death? No most likely not. I have no intention to die yet but my mind is really trying to convince me to die, and it's making some valid points. I feel like I'm running in circles while time has been slipping away. I feel useless and hopeless. I know some people will miss me but right now I just feel anxiety like I need to silence myself.

If you listen to something for to long you will eventually start imitating what you are listening to, I need to stay quiet so people can't listen to me. So my people I hold dear don't copy me. If I die I leave little behind but regret. Running in these thoughts are making my mind muddy.

I hate myself useless.

My brain says

People don't care. People don't know. People don't bother, ignore them and only rely on yourself, listen only to yourself.

You can't survive or live on your own, but if you are with people you will just drag them down as well.

Monster, stupid, useless,

I feel hallow with a pit in my chest with emotions of self pity regret and pain.

I lay here typing what I think. Instead of actually using actions, hypocritical person.

I might just be too stupid to understand how to fix my broken self.