Control

I have been having trouble controlling my emotions as of late and this makes me feel helpless. I feel ok then without warning I feel as if I need to be dead, waves of anger wash over me each bigger than the last, I wanted to destroy a physical object but I knew I could not so I punched my arms. I feel something more extreme than sadness and even when I close my eyes it's still there. Nothing good comes out of crying and feeling sorry for myself but then why do I find myself wanting to do just that, to wallow in misery like slowly sinking into a hot tar pit, it burns as I fall