A Distraction

We decided to crash in my room. Linc said his room was too messy. Mine too, though. I haven't cleaned since I came back. The bag I had at Alex's place was still in the corner, half of my laundry was still unwashed, my trash bin was overflowing with empty cans of beer and cigarette packs.

Linc gleefully sat down on the floor and placed the paper bags in front of him. The smell of oily fries wafted in the air. That would definitely make my sheets smell like fast food. He carefully took a burger out of the bag like it was about to break. A smile spread widely on his face as he unwrapped his food from it's oily wax package.

"Line up the fries inside the burger," Linc explained while demonstrating. "then ketchup. then you got potato burger!" he smile triumphantly.

Linc has a very contagious smile. He's very easy going and easy to be comfortable with. I was glad for his presence too, I didn't feel too grumpy at all. Or rather, i didn't want to be grumpy around him because I was afraid he'd run away if did. I watched him as he munch on his burger while flipping a book on child psychology.

"Am I a good enough distraction for you?" he suddenly said without looking up from his book.

"Sorry what?" I was caught off guard. I stared at Linc while I fumbled on a fry that i have been holding on to for a while.

"You seem to be deep in thought." he started.

I thought I was doing a pretty good job masking my emotions but I guess I was wrong.

"Your answers were short and expected, you laugh or smile as if on cue. Moreover, you haven't touched your food but you already smoked 3 sticks since we got here." he said.

I looked at my ashtray, though it hardly tells me anything because it was already filled with cigarette butts to begin with. I have been smoking a lot since i came back to my room. I have been binge drinking on beer too. I haven't been studying properly or attending all my classes. I have been a mess and I was aware of it. I have pretty much avoided most of my friends, except Linc because I thought he wouldn't catch up to my state of mind.

Again, i was wrong. In so many ways.

"I'm sorry, I'm just ." I trailed off. Linc was practically a stranger. I couldn't even imagine talking about me and Alex to him. I hardly even talk about anything with Anna who knows and has been there since day one. What more so with Linc who I just met.

He finally looked up and gave me a reassuring smile, "You don't need to tell me anything. I just asked if I was a good enough distraction for you so you don't succumb to your thoughts."

It's either I was bad at hiding my emotions or Linc was really observant. Either way, he already read me and my emotions so what's the point of hiding?

For the first time in a while, I smile for real. "Thank you, really."

"Anytime. plus I'm a psych major, I could really use the practice. " he teased.

I may be desperate for company but I find it hard to say anything about my feelings so I kept my mouth shut while Linc ran his.

For the next few days I've been spending a lot of time with Linc. He has been patient with me, trying his best to distract me, make me smile and feel at ease while I try and heal.

Then again, I have been asking myself why I needed to be healed. Was I that broken in the first place? How deep were these wounds that I still feel incapable of anything ?