chapter 5 memories and first meeting.

Britt

Feeling like someone has tied tons of weight on my body, I dragged myself out of the car as I pulled in the parking of my building and carried myself to my home, this party was a bad idea!!

Closed the door and slide down to the floor, bringing my knees to my chest as long gasps for air turned into sobs. Again. After crying until I was out of tears to waste on my past. I decided to take a shower to wash away this day, from my mind.

After standing under the shower for I don't know how long.. For minutes, for hours who cares, all I know is when I came out of the bathroom sunlight which was bright when I went inside the bathroom was turned into dusky hues of blues and oranges.

I stood there in front of the mirror drying my hair with the towel as I plan to doze off. And saw my reflection.

Saw my eyes, how puffy red they are after crying for hours, how pink is the shade near them, how raw are the emotions in them feels, filled with emotions only he brings out,

I took deep breaths as I didn't allow myself another tear to come out.

That's when my eyes caught up that almost faded mark near my left temple, which brought him back in my mind, with the same ache as the morning. Memories I allow my mind to live on somedays.

Memories of being strangers to us becoming everything for each other,

From how our love gloomed to how it vanished.

from his handwritten notes to random Instagram videos,

from his awkward first "hey....." to "will you be mine"

from how he lived our love to how he fell out of it,

how I saw the man I loved for years to years I have spent in washing him out of me.

How much I missed him,

how I have expected every day of these last 3 years to be "today he will come and will say he is sorry"

I saw that man driving away on the road of addiction, on the road of alcohol, on dark paths, while he pushed me away how that goofball of a man became a devil day by day?

How a man who used to be my comfort became the alcoholic who scared me to my core?

How our love which bloomed from innocence to how it died like shady lights of his bar.

Shrugging down all his thoughts I moved toward bed glancing last time the mark. As I touched it, it took me back to the time we first met.

9 years back...

It was Saturday midnight, my 18th birthday weekend I was excited for my first night out, with my best friend Nina.

She had forced me to wear the sexiest dress from her collection, this one was golden in color, a fitted one, with v neck deep enough to show half of my cleavage, with a very deep curve on the back. Almost backless. she made my hairs into wild waves and did some bomb make with smokey eyes and cherry lips. But in no way, I was going to wear heels. So she had to compromise there as I choose to wear my white canvas with golden stripes. She gave me looks and people in the club gave me the same looks as she did as we entered the club. This shady club. Not so fancy but we were short on money.

I was feeling a little uncomfortable so we choose the best cure for it, Drinking!

I had 2 drinks of something so bitter that burned my throat. Yaakkkk!!

But peer pressure, so I had to do it and pretend like it was cool while in reality I just wanted to puke it out.

One boy from the corner table who had been giving me looks, and had already sent 4 drinks to our table, started to move towards our table, so in reflex, I held Nina's hand and moved to the dance floor.

Best way to stay away from creeps? Ignore them.

As the music took over me, I got lost with the rhythm and danced my heart out. I was drunk, stressed and left alone by Nina on the dance floor, as her bf at that time joined us. After dancing for 2 more songs I decided to go and sit at our table until Nina comes back from the washroom. Do you know what I mean? Right. As I started moving back peering out from the crowed two big hands held me from my back and someone's lips were crushing on the skin near my left ear. "Hey.." He said very awkwardly.

I was dumbfounded, awestruck all at once. As that man started to move with music so did I. Without punching him, As I should have. But instead, I leaned more into his chest. The skin of my back touched his front and he held me more close.

"There are two men who are planning to trick you, stay with me, I will walk you out to the cab." He said near my ear which left me with a cold shiver, and each and every hair of my body raised up, as my heart tried to find it's normal speed. Then when after a minute his words finally kicked in my drunk mind. I panicked.

"Hey. Calm down" he said as I tried to free myself from his grip, he tightens it more. Then in very next second, I was the swirled around and now my front was facing him, I stood in the embrace of at least 6 feet 3inch tall man, smelling like musk, smoke, and danger. I couldn't see his face clearly as it was dark, but all I knew was he had a very well defined jawline, sharp features. his hands resting near my hips. And what I did? like an idiot I rested my forehead on his chest and then my cheek as I tried to feel the fabric of his button-up shirt.

I blame the alcohol.

"Are you alone?" He asked as at the same time I asked him "who wears a shirt to a club like this?" And leaned on his chest, even more, holding him close to my body, as my hand rounded his waist. His hands sliding up on the bare skin of my back until he found the nape of my neck.

"Me! So now tell me are you alone?"

"No, I am with my friend, but they are in the washroom, doing..... Some talking," I said with a sigh as I closed my eyes "I am tired" I said.

"Let's grab you a cab. What's your name? Do you have a bag?" He said as I nodded.

He had held my hand and we moved our table to pick my bag, he wrote something on tissue left it on the table.

And we moved out, by the time we found a cab, I was almost asleep as I leaned on him.

"Britt. My name is Britt, you?" I said as he helped me get inside the cab and closed the door. Then I pulled the window down and he leaned near me.

I smiled very big as his face came very close to me.

"Can I touch your face?" I asked him

"No--" he started to say and before he could finish his sentence my lips were crashing against his. I held his face with both my hands and kissed him. Slowly feeling his lips on mine, mint filled in my mouth as we continued to get lost. And I felt him smile against my lips when the cab driver interrupted us with a horn.

"I blame the alcohol," I said.

"Same, definitely alcohol, Mav," he said as he moved away and pointed his finger toward him while grasping air.

"Goodbye," I had said as I knew I won't be seeing him ever again. While he kept standing there with giggles.

A L C O H O L!

At present....

as my phone rang I was brought back to reality, in the present. I lunged near the door where I had dumped my phone and bag, it was Mom's call which I have missed. I will call her later. I need my bed snd sleep. God bless Nina for cleaning up the house before leaving. Now I can sleep.

I looked in the mirror once again, to the scare he has left on my body to remind me why he was not meant for me anymore. Just like this mark, he gave me years ago is fading away as his memories.

I wish him to free my heart the same way. I wish my heart to move on from these miseries,

I wish my heart stop whispering "what if he is changed!"

"I wish to stop blaming myself for choosing my self-pride over our love,

I wish this ache to stop"

PEOPLE LIKE HIM NEVER CHANGE, I WENT BACK TO BED, AS IT STARTED TO RAIN. AS IF CLOUDS DECIDED TO GIVE ME A COMPANY.