Chapter X Jeremy's Prophecy

"Don't bother, it will be the last time you'd see of him."

Silly Jeremy, to think I allow it to happen. Not clever of him, to announce with an order of finality, my fate, my future with Vance; the audacity of him to decide, for me not to see a speck of Vance's shadow.

Or maybe, his impression, that a future is irreversible is backed by a knowledge with him all knowing, and I have been trying to set aside.

"You'll know why when its time."

The abominable why, was explicitly stated, thanks to our common acquaintance, but the time, it is to my nerves, indefinite. The uncertainty of the matter, perhaps will let me grow, thus I remained glued in my glance at the brisk stepping away of Vance and that of Eleanor.

"A simple matter, I can't argue with the why, and as to the time, only fate can reveal," I remarked to Jeremy in a conviction of a lover that can wait how long it may be.

"Say all you want now; Yes love is patient; but a plant waiting for water dies and withers. You will wait long enough, and I wont blame you if you are going to give up," he said, assured of the upcoming event inevitable and fate has marked upon.

I glared at him, falling silent, considering that what he declared is logical and irrefutable. And it amused him so severely.

In a premise of probably bursting in anger for a future so probable, I bid Jeremy goodbye.

Unknowingly, the moment I came back to the university, there's no more Vance to see, the familiar face I so long to look. His smiles specially, it makes me feel significant. Cause his smile sends an indication that it is only directed to me. Purposely delivering it to me that it may bring joy to my day. The eyes, those gigantic eyes of his which they thought is the most unpleasant of about him but not fat all. For when his eyes met mine, I see a honest soul, saying that at that time, he is looking at the woman he want to be with in his entire lifetime. His lips that speaks the sweetest words whenever he mention my name.

Three months to be exact, is the ache of longing that I feel. It appears Jeremy's prophecy, no curse I must say because it is eating me up completely.

Truth is I have grown afraid; knowing a little without the affirmation from him. It horrifies me the most when this emotion should start fading but it goes stronger each day. I wanted it to fade. I wanted to wait no more, but no matter how much I convince myself, I can still see myself waiting. For every checkered polos, a leather black shoes partnered with white socks, fading jeans and even any food I see, its like a duty for me to remember you. In whatsoever case, I decided to end the antagonizing hold back through the end of the month.

Yet my heart knocks again implying that I can wait a little longer. But why should I do that? Is there a hope for me to wait for? And if there is why should I cling to that hope when that small chance is flickering? Eventhough I know that, eventhough I am aware of that I am still sticking into that small chance for I perceive in truth, a small source of heat can light up an entire mountain.

As the image of him reverberates, a plan has kept me up. Confused whether to send the message of confession. Thinking if I do, will it make a difference?

With the mind clouded with selfishness, I sent the message.

Waiting for Vance's reply is a total nerve wrecking. Positive thoughts negated by obstructive ones. A milestone, to not to be the receiving end of a confession. A dozen of times, did I emotionlessly say," I appreciate your courage and declaration but there is not a spark in me in your revelation and your offer of companionship.", and to encounter this same sentence or more like it must be the karma that awaits me.

Waiting eternally, the ears are alert of the sound that may come from the phone, eyes fixated on the screen, wistful for a happy reply; at long last his name popped up in the little screen.

He asked me to wait, and to discern, reflect on my fleshly, heedless action.

What happen to the winning me over part?

Ahhh! I might have been a challenge to you. Likened to a fish that ate the bait, lifting the fishing rod, saw that the fish is not complimentary to your taste, brought back the fish in the ocean, damaged in its form more so in its mentality.

What shall I say to you?

Thanks?

Alright I will wait?

Sorry I was wrong in my actions?

Sorry for adding up to your confusion?

Sorry if I can't compel myself to unlove you?

Since I can't come up of a response to uplift the situation in a way I left the communication with yours at the end.