Bitterness

Just walking for what was just a few hours Zi Xiang started to feel a warm ache in his legs the feeling in his body was starting to return, a slight irritation was tingling in his arm. Zi Xiang was also starting to feel slightly tired, as well as wanting to eat and sleep. Though it was still hardly present Zi Xiang was already regaining feeling in his body and mind.

"If it was carbon monoxide poisoning I think I'm starting to recover I should've already left some of the worse patches, but it's best if I get out now. Or I don't know if I'll start to lose feeling again or pass out."

After walking near effortlessly until afternoon Zi Xiang knew he had a life threatening problem. Water even if he couldn't fully feel it he was starting to get relatively thirsty. It was already his third day in the fields and it would likely be his death day if he didn't get water soon, he could realistically last only a few more hours to a day without any water. He might already be a dead man walking he just couldn't properly feel it. Though simply the fact that his feeling of thirst was much more active than anything else told Zi Xiang he desperately needed water.

He hadn't urinated yet which likely meant his kidneys shut down and his body was in severe stage dehydration his organs were probably badly damaged by now as his body was past its expiration date, considering Zi Xiang didn't just pass out somewhere and die was already quite lucky along with the walking and extreme conditions pushing things surviving up to this point was surprising. Even to Zi Xiang although emotionally numbed he was mildly dismayed at the fact he was still going, his fear of death was pushed to the wayside.

To him, the situation was more like watching something odd and morbid happen than being on Deaths Door himself. The feeling wasn't too dissimilar to just watching gore there was a weird detachment from the dire situation. Nonetheless, the situation continued. Once Zi Xiang walked all the way until night his sensations were partially back he was pretty much able to feel the sensation of touch, pain, exhaustion, hunger, and thirst all quite well.

Even a good portion of his emotional feeling came back, as well as cognitive ability. Doing some mental gymnastics to see he tried to imagine the sky. An empty void in the middle with a few lights from satellites and planes above around the edges was a yellowish glare from light pollution and a light haziness around some parts from smog. Feeling relatively confident in his cognitive abilities he knew his recovery was going pretty well around a third of his feeling was back in his brain and body.

Although it was nighttime Zi Xiang was scared by the idea of going to sleep then never waking up again, although the idea was morbid it was highly possible. Considering his body was at this point already beyond the average time it would take for a grown person to die of dehydration, his organs were shutting down and Zi Xiang still being just an adolescent, things were not tipping in his favor.

Though it might've been better to sleep it might give his body a chance to readjust and recover giving his limited water supply to his more important organs. Zi Xiang had heard stories about people surviving a few days to almost a week longer than their body should maybe it was just better to sleep than keep moving and continue to push his body beyond its limits. Either choice really wasn't great if he slept he might die without even knowing and he would be in the fog longer, while if he walked he could just drop down dead at any moment, and getting out sooner might mean a faster death with the hotter conditions and lower humidity.

Zi Xiang after mulling it over decided why not he was likely going to die anyway why not have it be quiet and peaceful, although dying without even knowing scared him, he was mostly indifferent whether it was the numbness or something else Zi Xiang didn't know, he felt like he just didn't care as much if he died he dies, if he lives he lives. He didn't have much control anyways just let what happens happen.

Finding a place to lie down and tuck in Zi Xiang looked up the sky it was just a thick layer of fog no moon or skies where visible, it was just still darkness. Seeing the empty sky Zi Xiang felt sort of annoyed "Let me see the skies as I die why don't you." "If I can't see the stars how do I know I wasn't hallucinating before, are Mos and Dos still there did someone rename them?"

"Come on just clear up I want to see it, the moon the stars is anything even real?" Bitterness welled up in Zi Xiang "are you just going to leave me here to die believing there are two moons and strange skies like some madman, like a sick joke you leave me here believing I'm in a strange place another planet when I'm just dying in some chemical waste?" "All alone no one with me in some rural field with an apartment complex to the east, a factory to the south, a gas station to the north, and an abandoned, polluted field to the west. Where I'll die in my sleep, a death where if I just didn't leave, or just went anywhere else I would've been fine?" "How could something like this happen to me! How could this world be so cruel." "Throwing me in some shitty field as everyone else is living their lives perfectly fine, unconcerned about me my death my life why?" "7 billion people are just living, living their lives and I've been thrown away, me just me why me?"

Falling to sleep Zi Xiang finally stopped, but Bitterness towards the world was buried in his very soul.