Stoplights Turned Red: Sun

I wasn't aware of it until today. This throbbing feeling, this weird feeling. What is it called? Why does my heart beat in a way I can't comprehend?

"So he did this weird back flip..." My sister was saying. She's really talkative about her class today. I wonder why was that?

"You know you can't show that weird back flip inside the car right?" I told her which ticked her.

"I know! I'm demonstrating with my fingers!" She made a peace sign pointed down and flipped it into one.

"And then?" He asked as he turned left.

"We're just amazed at how he executed it perfectly! Who would've thought the quiet little Ken can do stunts like that?" She said excitedly. "Then you remember the little girl, Lin?" She asked me. I just nodded.

"She's really good at writing! All my students are really quiet but they're burning with all kinds of talents! Who would've thought?! Then, this boy named Mingo, what an unusual name right? He can–"

I let her blabber and blabber, just barely understanding what she says. I can, but it just mostly passes by my head.

"Oh you mean that kid? Wow, I didn't even imagine!" I commented, really surprised with that kid whose name passed my head.

"I know! I'm so proud of my students. They're such cute little beings! And do you know what the parents tell me?

"Uh huh."

"That they come home crying and scared!"

The brakes suddenly stopped as if to highlight the surprise.

"Say what?!" He asked, surprised by the sudden red light and what my sister said.

She's completely pokerface.

"Yeah. They're scared... Afraid... As if they know something..."

I put my hands to my face. I know what's about to unfold.

"What?! What's happening Elena?" He asked, panicking.

Our mother was trying to keep her laughter. My sister is already poking that devilish smirk and me, just shaking my head.

"Elena? Tell me honey. What happened? You look scared too!"

I mentally counted,

1...

2...

"They saw it dad... They showed it to me..."

I could hear him gulping in my imagination.

3...

4...

"What?"

"They... Saw it too..."

The sweat glands are coming down, I'm not sure if I'll laugh or reprimand my older sister.

5...

6...

"It's..."

"..."

7...

8–

A flash of red entered my vision, like popping flower petals in a fireworks fashion. Then when I came to, my sister is already laughing.

"THE FACE OF MY LOVING FATHER!"

"WAAAHH!!! WAH! Wa... Wait..."

We bursted laughing. He is always so easy to tease and fun to prank. He just easily believes anything we say. It's still a wonder how he is not becoming a victim of scams.

"That's really not a very nice joke Elena."

"But I got you! And no, the parents love me. They love how their kids come home excited and always so energetic!"

And they continued to talk. It just made me happy to see them so energetic and full of life! After a few minutes we drove off in complete silence and took in the scenery of the night cityscape.

"This never fails to amaze me." I hear my sister say beside me. I quite agree with her. With the stars twinkling outside, the place just dazzles under the moonlight, as if its imbued with magic. Its just as wonderful during the day, the sea glittering and dancing in our eyes. Since there's not much people around, it's just peaceful.

"Hey honey, you're really quiet... Are you alright Erlin?" My mother asked as she turned towards me, her eyes probing my soul.

Huh? Am I?

"I'm just thinking of how poetic the place is." I smiled my happiest smile, fooling even myself that I'm alright. It seemed to have worked.

"Why don't you try to jot it down your phone?" He suggested.

"Great idea!" My mother agreed. "Why don't you try it?"

"I'm at a loss for words at the moment. And I'm not that poetic..." I said.

"Just try to type and words will flow out of you freely. Try it." He said. I just smiled and let the conversation drop. But I did try what he suggested. I brought out my phone and opened my notes app.

...

My mind wandered aimlessly towards the void. There's a lot of ideas rushing on my head but everything ends to nothingness.

"Did it work?" He asked after a few minutes.

"I'm really at a loss for words. Nothing is coming out..."

He chuckled. "Why don't you try to describe what you feel right now at what you see? Just describe them and everything will connect."

"But I don't know what words to use." I sighed.

The car stopped again with the flashing red.

It might've come across to him as me scoffing, for when he looked at me, I can see those annoyed eyes. When he opened his mouth, I said "I'm fine, dad," and smiled. I stopped him before he could say something. He looks like he'll run his mouth again about what happened.

No. I'm sorry Stefan. I won't forget. I will not.

Remembering the writer's words, I held my phone and let myself write. I stared outside and tuned in this weird feeling I have in my chest. Words flew here and there, my ideas turning into reality written as words.

I have never felt so relieved after that moment. My heart and mind was one in that moment. Writing the grief, my regrets, as well as my hopes and dreams... Everything was written there.

Then a yellow string appeared out of nowhere.

I was surprised. It's a really peculiar piece of string. I can tell it's not made of satin nor silk. It's not even made of cotton nor polyester. I'm not an expert in textiles, but I doubt it's made of any known threads.

What is that?

I reached out to it...

"Do you remember Chicken Little?" He asked.

"Ah! The dog of the neighbor? Why?" Elena replied.

"I just remembered. That dog always tries to bite my head off!"

"Maybe it's his sign of affection to you?"

"What?! That's why I hate dogs!"

And they laughed. I also laughed. I held my hand.

That yellow string seems so warm... But what will happen if I touched it?

"But you know, he's such a sweet dog! The owner messed up for naming him 'Chicken Little.' He's not even a chicken nor little!"

"You don't have to state the obvious Elena."

"Ah! First strike!"

I chuckled. I kind of envy how Elena is so close to Stefan. They're like old friends and not father and daughter. Mom looks at me gently, like she knows what I'm thinking.

Yet again, this yellow string haunted me. It wrapped around my me, surrounding me. It keeps moving around until it's suffocating me.

*"No! No! Please! Run away! D–"*

**Explosion.**

I closed my eyes.

I love my family so much, but this throbbing feeling won't stop.

Flashes of red entered my vision, making me shiver.

Then I looked outside my window. There, I saw a pair of eyes, in pain and thoughts filled the mind. You look so sad, yet free. I wanted to reach out to that eyes, to make them smile. I smiled reflexively as we met eyes. I don't know if it was a coincidence. Was it? You looked away so suddenly so I was right. We connected somehow.

I knocked on the window, hopefully to make you look again. I keep knocking but you won't even turn your gaze. Was the radio open? Or you don't care? Or are your thoughts crowding your head and made you unaware of your surroundings?

But I didn't back down. If you can't hear... Maybe you can see me by your peripheral vision?

"Honey, what's happening? What's with the tapping?" Mom asked. I stiffened.

"Nothing. I thought it'll stimulate my word sense. Yes! It's for poetry!" I lied. That tasted awful.

Back to my mission. I waved at you, hoping it'll cut you off your thoughts. I keep waving but, nothing is happening. How intense are your concentration?

Ugh. No good.

"Now you're waving? Is it still poetry?" Elena asked, concerned.

"Yeah! It is. Now there's a lot of birds flocking my way!" And I waved as if to shoo those imaginary birds.

They laughed. I guess it looked so random to them.

"You've got quite the imagination there Erlin! Hopefully that's a wonderful poem."

I looked down. I don't know how to get your attention. I just had a thought, but I doubt it'll reach you... But there's no harm in trying right?

I pushed both my cheeks to imitate smiling. Hopefully you'll get it. I held it for about a minute... Still no luck...

I held it on for a few more minutes. It's starting to cramp... Oh no. It's already aching. Uh. O-ow. Uh!

Then I heard a chuckle. I'm not sure who chuckled but I had this weird feeling...

"Did you just laugh?" I asked.

As I asked, you looked so confused. But then I realized... Huh? How'd I get your attention?

"Can you hear me?" I asked. Can she? That's weird.

She nodded.

Now it's my turn to be confused. Huh? How? That's weird. The windows are down. How?

I felt a small tug. Oh. The car is moving.

"Wha– wait!"

Ugh... Of course we're moving, yes or no. It will disturb others if we stopped just to ask each other's names or talk. I guess that was the end of our interaction.

It was small, but I liked every moment of it.

"You're taking long with that poetry..." Elena remarked. I think she already knows I'm not writing anything.

"Don't bother him Elena. The most wonderful masterpieces are crafted carefully, therefore it needs time. Let him be." He said. I got saved there.

I sat properly, held out my phone and was surprised it was typing. Huh. I guess it's really working, his advice.

There's only one thought going through my mind though. I hope we see each other again.

Then the car stopped once again. As if by chance and gut feeling, I looked outside. There, I saw you gawking at me.

Wah! My wish was heard! That was fast...

"I thought you were those types that snobs people. I guess you're just shy."

Ah.

What the heck am I saying?!

"Now he's talking to himself..."

I pointed to my phone and she just nodded. I think I'm just being plain weird.

Ah! Right! Before we move again...

"Can I ask for your name?"

You stared at me for a moment. Pondering whether to say it or not.

"Y-you'll know my name if you will join me in drinking the fountain of youth." You said timidly.

I... I was speechless. I could feel myself smiling. You want a game huh?

"Talking in riddles huh? I don't like thinking..."

You chuckled. "Tell me what's the meaning of yours and we could guess each other's names then."

"Eh?! We're playing a game?" As in actually playing a game?! I hadn't expected that... But I don't even know what my name means... I'm not fond of meanings...

Then silence... I felt uncomfortable because I think you'll be uncomfortable with the sudden silence. Huh. Did I just said that out loud? Now that I think about it...

"Hey, how about we play hangman using our names? We get to have, uh, how many letters does your name have?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Five," you answered.

"What a coincidence! Me too! Then... We'll have five strikes to guess the letters."

"That's not a game! It's supposed to have some sort of thrill on it!"

Wha– oh. You like games with thrill. Okay. That was surprising. You look so quiet.

"Eh... Well, then how about this? Whoever guessed the other's name first will get to buy them lunch. How about that?"

Arghh. Well, I just thought if that on the spot! How would I do that? I don't even know how to do that!

But you chuckled, "you're on then." You accepted the challenge? Well... Here goes nothing...

"Ladies first then." What could be her name? There's a lot of possibilities with just 5 letters. Sarah? Farah? Even there's unusual names!

"Does your name have the letter... E?" You said.

Wait... Do you know me secretly? Or... But let's not get flustered.

I'll just pretend to be flustered... I guess.

"How'd you know?! Do you know my name already?!" I said in fake shock. Will you take the bait?

You smiled coyly. Ah! You already caught my trap?

"I do," you said confidently.

Ah. So that's the game you want to play huh.

Hmmm... How about...

"Does it have... A?"

A small twitch. Subtle, but I saw it. Strike.

You continued to smile. Why are you smiling? Huh? Eh?

"Relax. You're right!" Huh. You did believe my act. Am I too good at acting?

We continued the same procedure for almost half an hour. Since we only have five guesses, we carefully think of every possibility. There's a million ones even with five strings. It's in the matter of arranging them.

After a few more minutes, I got 'I' and 'M' right. You got 'I' and 'N.' Three strings huh. A, I, and M. Aim? Aim carefully? Haha.

What are names with A, I, and M in them? A name popped up in my head. I hope it's right...

"Is it Erwin?" You said. Ah! You're good in guessing! Too good! But... How am I to buy lunch?

"Almost... You got one letter wrong."

You smiled in disappointment. Wait. You're looking forward for this? Well, sorry missy, I don't intend to lose myself in here.

"And your guess is?"

I took a deep breath. I know my guess is wrong.

"Marie," I faked my confidence. It just occured in my head.

You stayed silent. Was the name that disappointing?

"Hey?!"

"Unfortunately you got my name wrong..."

I already know that though.

"Since I got the closest answer, does that mean I win?" She asked.

No. Because I don't have the money yet. Maybe...? Oh come on.

"I... Well... It's not part of our agreement... So the both of us gets to buy each other lunches instead!" Well that's what I planned from the start. The plan went too smoothly.

You chuckled. Then it slowly turned into laughter.

I'm glad I could make you laugh like that. But what's so funny?

You laughed harder. Wait, did I just said that one loud?

I got infected with your laughter that I laughed too.

"Oh yeah! The names! What was your name?" I asked after a few minutes of laughter.

I tried to know, but the yellow string appeared once again and it tried to swallow me whole. Wha–

Then I felt the small tug again. We're moving?

"I'll find you no matter what! I'll make you smile again!" I promise. I'll find you...

"HEY!"

Ah!

"Guess who slept halfway of the ride? Not me!" Then she giggled happily. She helped me go out of the car. I almost tripped and fell if it wasn't for her. She handed me a box to carry and I carried it off.

What? I fell... Asleep? So was that all a dream? Everything?

"You were mumbling something though. Like... Amari? Tamale? What's that? A mantra? You kept repeating it all over. Again and again."

Amari? Was that your name? If so, then I'll find you Amari.

"Soo... You finished your poetry? Dad was looking forward to it when we saw you dozing off.."

I feel my whole world turning... The box is slipping away from my grasp... Wait...

"Erlin? Erlin? What's wrong?" She held the box again and put it on the ground.

I felt something sharp stabbed my head... Huh?

"Er...lin! Mo...! Er...li...! He... just...! He...!"

What are you saying Elena?

**Thud**