Carl_Joe

This are kinda the things that has happened in my life growing up. May seem kinda not necessary but I had this strong urge to put down most of it. 
Kinda like an open diary of sorts.
I hate expressing myself by open mouth so I'm doing this open book.
Some parts of my life may be offensive to others but it happened to me and I don't think I need to apologise for that. Well maybe sorry to those it happened to as well, I can relate.
 Although I'm still quite young, (shameless) I feel I've been through a bit.
 I don't know why but i just have the urge to put them down.

My Journey Through Life So Far

Sickness really is painful. I can't even bring myself to write an extremely cliche scene. Everything hurts, chest and back hurts from all the vomiting and dry heaving. 


When I sleep u beging hallucinating some real  trippy stuff maybe a bit better than weed. okay that's a lie and we as know it. 


These are the times you wonder if this is finally it. That maybe when I close my eyes I'd probably be standing elsewhere. 


*sigh*, it's really confusing - on one hand you just want things to finally end. On another I don't wanna go just yet cos I feel I haven't done enough for my wife and family. And on another(three hands?) I feel completely different when I stare at the knife in the kitchen. 


All I know is I want to be there for my family. That feeling tops the others. 


and now I feel so weak sick in bed I wanna throw up and sleep and beat the meat all at the same time. I feel terrible. 


Last night I dreamt I was kicking down buildings, I got somewhere else and then I couldn't breath cos I used all my air breaking down those buildings so it felt like I was being compressed, unable to properly breath, whole body hurting. It felt so vivid when I woke up my legs and chest and neck all hurt. Maybe I was sleeping wrong during. 


1pm and I feel hungry and tired and wanna throw up.


Sickness is painful