The Letter

I starred at the door for a few minutes after she left. Is she upset? Is she angry? Will I ever see her again? A thousand thoughts circled in my head. Should I text her? Should I leave her alone? I began to panic. Why the hell did I just blurt that out? What was I thinking?

Rocky rubbed against my leg, pulling me back to reality. I looked down at my still naked body and collected my clothes, redressing myself sluggishly. Plopping myself into my spot on the couch I dropped my head in my hands. I wanted to cry. That look she gave me burned in the back of my mind. Why would she give me that look. I didn't think it was that bad of a secret, plus it was almost a year ago. I groaned and threw my head back on the couch and just sat there staring at the ceiling.

My stomach growled harshly and my eyes flicked to the pizza boxes. I sat up and sat the still open box that was on top of the stack aside, wanting to know what other pizzas Rose has brought. I looked into the second box. Inside was a dessert pizza that looked like the pizza Rose and I were talking about over the phone yesterday. It had marshmalllows and m&ms. drizzled heavily in chocolate sauce and topped with shredded coconut. I shut the box again and set it aside opening the third.

when I looked inside there was no pizza. Instead there was a single blue daisy taped to the center of the bottom half of the box. It looked to be from the bouquet I had given her this morning. Taped to the lid was a white envelope with my name written on it. Next to my name was a heart, just like when she gave me her number. I couldn't help but smile as I pulled the envelope off of the box and opened it. inside was a few pieces of paper folded up. It was a letter from Rose.

Dear Tara,

If lunch goes anything like i am hoping, then we won't have too much time for talking because we will be too busy getting to know each other in another way, if you know what I mean. I know we only met yesterday, but I feel this connection to you and I think you feel it too (I hope I am not wrong). I want to get to know you. So I am writing you this little letter just to tell you some things about me.

First off I wasnt kidding when I said rainbow daisies were my favorite. My dad used to buy me rainbow daisies whenever he would take me on father daughter dates when I was young. He said he wanted me to know how a man should treat me. If only he knew, right? Sadly my parents were not accepting of who I was and kicked me out when I was 15. Since then they have attempted to make amends but it still hurts to think about. I still love them dearly and hope to fix things with them eventually. I am allergic to walnuts, but they taste nasty anyway so I dont feel like I am missing out. I hate math and I never graduated high school. I am a gold star lesbian. Never have been and never will be with a man! I also hate pigs. They terrify me.

Kimo actually is a long time friend. He was a line cook at my first job at an Italian restaurant and I lived with him for nearly four years after my parents kicked me out. He is kinda my adopted dad. So kinda like how Mama Welsh is basically your grandma. We would always talk about opening a pizza place and serving crazy pizzas. And poof! He finally opened his store! I am a business partner and invest heavily in his dream.

Now for the important part. I lied to you. I didn't move in with Graham to escape an ex. About a year ago I was a victim in a store robbery. It was a small grocery store about an hour from here. There were these two guys with guns that came in and demanded everything everyone in the store had. Sadly, the police didn't get there in time. A girl got shot. It was completely traumatizing. I tried to help her, but there was nothing I could do. She had been shot in the stomach and was losing blood so fast. As I held her in my lap she kept crying that she couldn't die, because she was getting married the next week. I kept telling her it would be ok, but it wouldn't be. She died in my arms. I never even knew her name. After that I was broken. I couldn't eat or sleep. I saw her face everywhere and had nightmares every single night where I just watched her die over and over. Regrettably, I turned to drink and drugs to escape her. Finally, it got so bad that I had to be hospitalized. I stayed in the psychiatric hospital for three months dealing with everything. I am getting better now, but still struggle with nightmares and panic attacks. I go to a group therapy every week for people who have PTSD. It helps a lot. When I finally got out of the hospital a month ago I couldn't handle living in my apartment in the city. I started having so many panic attacks that I was worried I would relapse . Luckily, Graham took me in. That robbery was the most traumatic thing I have dealt with in my life. I don't like talking about it, but I wanted to tell you because It still affects me everyday and if we see each other you need to be prepared if I have any episodes. If you can handle my baggage, then I will tell you anything you want to know.

Thanks for reading my annoyingly long letter.

Your pizza girl,

Rose

I felt nauseous. I kept telling myself it couldn't have been Rya, but in my gut I knew it was. She had died in a grocery store while visiting her dad in the city. Rose had held my fiance in her arms while she died. My head was reeling and the room began to spin. Suddenly the nausea hit me full force and I rushed to the bathroom and vomited.

I sat on the bathroom floor and began to sob uncontrollably. My entire body shook viciously. I curled into a ball and continued to sob loudly. Rocky ran into the bathroom chirping, worried. He rubbed his head against mine before laying next to me. I let the tears flow freely until my eyes were swollen red and had nothing left.

I hadn't cried this hard since I found out she died. I felt like that hole in my heart was ripped open and was bleeding as fresh as that day I got the call. I was so exhausted from crying so hard that I fell asleep on my bathroom floor.