11 | Repent

WARNING: R-18

RaiYa

How funny was it that the person I was desperately searching and longing for was the one person that I hated. I wanted to punish those that abused him, but the abuser was myself. How did I not notice it sooner? The over grown hair and light clothing. His light skin and timid personality. The limited amount of knowledge he had. The signs were all there and I couldn't see it. Father was right, I was truly blinded by hatred.

I brought the teen into my room and placed him in the bath that I had prepared for myself. He quietly cried and begged me not to take his eyes. He had just went through a traumatic experience that I had approved of, but here he was begging me and apologizing. It was me who needed to apologize for everything. All the things I've done to him and the scars I left on his body.

Why is it that when I had finally found you, it was already too late for me to fix anything? Why did he hide it? How stupid can I be? Obviously, it's because he's afraid.

I washed his hair as he cried in the tub. I then proceed to wash his body. His skin was bruised from head to toe. Remembering what those three men did to him made me furious. I held the towel against his neck and saw a deep scar. It was from the time I had tried to kill him.

I'm such a fool. I even made a vow that day to find JunHe, protect him, and let him experience joy. I wanted to teach him new things and be part of his happiness, but now that he's in front of me, he was already out of reach. How could I, the one who abused him and left scars all over his body, give him happiness?

Looking at the burn marks on his arms, the most severe were his hands. I remembered him saying that he couldn't feel the pain in his hands and feet.

"When did you lose feeling in your hands and feet?" I asked.

"That day after you left, I walked back and waited for the servant to pick me up till nightfall. I collapsed when I returned and didn't wake up till 5 days later. By then, it was already too late to heal them properly." He replied. If I had just taken him home with me then he would still have feeling in his hands and feet. I squeezed the towel I held in disappointment.

"Why were you outside?"

"It was the day of your return, so MeiYi threw me out. It was so that I wouldn't bother you guys on a happy occasion."

"Why were you in that shed?"

"I live there. MeiYi didn't want me near her, so the servants put me there."

I tightly gripped the towel again from anger, but JunHe trembled from the cold expression on my face. I sighed. Looking at his body was left over traces and bruises that didn't fade.

I couldn't help notice his light skin and rosy colored nipples. His face flushed red from the steam and his lips looked full of life. I grabbed his chin and slowly pulled him in for a kiss. His expression told me he didn't understand what it meant. I also wish I didn't know what it meant. I desired him even at a time like this.

"Was this the first time someone sexually assaulted you?" I asked.

"Sexually assaulted?"

"What those three men did to you."

"N-no. T-they did that to me one other time before. It was a while ago though, but a servant walked by and they ran away."

"So they came back for another taste."

JunHe looked at me with confusion. I rinsed his hair and body before pulling his chin in for another kiss. I could help, but want to replace all their touches with mine and kiss the places where he was hurt, but I would just be taking advantage of him. He didn't even understand what r*pe and sexual desire was.

"What does two lips touching mean?" He asked.

I sighed. Forget desire, he didn't even know what a kiss was. I really didn't want to explain it to him.

"It's called a kiss and it's complicated."

"Does it mean you won't take my eyes?" he asked. I chuckled and closed my eyes as I replied with,

"Mm. I won't take your eyes."

"Then should I kiss you? You won't take my eyes if I kiss you right?"

Huh? How did he come to that conclusion? Before I could react, he kissed me. I couldn't hold back as I slipped my tongue into his mouth and saliva dripped down his mouth. He tries to pull away, but I held the back of his head closer to mine and our tongues intertwined.

What was I doing? He's the cripple that brought ruin to our family, but he was also JunHe, a pure and innocent boy that knows nothing of the world. However, in the state of my confusion all I could see was a naked teen gasping for air as his face flushed red. His face was filled with lust and all my thoughts faded as I carried him to my bed. I played and bit his nipples as he softly moans and twitch underneath me. I kiss and lick all the bruises on his chest, neck, and face then proceeded to stroke his d*ck.

"St-stop. Please." He quietly begged.

Right then all the memories of the abuse rushed in and I backed away.

"It hurts. I broke my p*nis again." He said.

He broke what? It looks pretty healthy to me. I sighed. He doesn't know what an erection is as well. Now that I've thought of it, he wasn't erected when those three men forced him. Perhaps, is he-?

"How do I fix it?" he asked.

"…How did you fix it last time?"

"I poured cold water on it and fell asleep from exhaustion."

Do I help him? How could I bear to touch him with these hands? But he looks like he's in pain. He doesn't even know what to do or how to touch himself. I sighed. I pulled his back up against my chest and began to stroke him from behind. He cried out and moaned.

"Ah~ It feels weird. I need to pee."

"Don't hold it in. Let it out."

In a few minutes he ejaculated all over his face. He touched his c*m and asked me,

"Is this the bad stuff? Is that why I was in plain?"

"... Sure."

I didn't want to explain anymore. I had too much on my mind and too much to process, but I knew one thing. I shouldn't have to touched him. I shouldn't, but I did anyway.