12 | Another Vow

Raiya

That night Junhe slept in my room and I took a walk back to the shed where I had slain 3 men. I sat there the entire night and thought to myself for a long time. Junhe was the cripple. That cripple ruined our family, took my mother and her love. My father took his side and orders us to take care of him. He has won over both my parents and they were puppets in the palm of his hands. That's why hatred overflowed my mind. Not only mine, but my siblings as well.

That cripple is sneaky and conniving, I shouldn't fall for his tricks. This could just be one of his plans to get me on his side. I tried to convince myself that I was being tricked, but those golden pure eyes didn't look like those who were scheming behind my back.

He doesn't even know what a kiss is. He doesn't know what a trail is. He can't even protect himself. He doesn't even know when to smile or cry. He doesn't know anything, so how would he be able to scheme against me? I have a sword and my element. If he showed any signs of hostility, I could always kill him, but not once has he shown anger or resentment, why? If I was looked down upon my whole life, wouldn't I fight back?

Just as I was thinking deeply, a tray of food caught the corner of my eye. Molded bread and a cold soup that smelt sour as if someone kept it out for weeks. Is this what he eats everyday? There's not even a bowl of rice. I'm suddenly reminded of the day we were separated from the rest of the group when we were ambushed. Junhe cried when he ate the fish I cooked. I thought he was faking it. I told him that he was provided the best room and food, but he has been living in this shed and ate cold moldy food. He cried over a fish and ate it so preciously. Those days in the woods, I hated the sight of him and touching him was even more disgusting, but I put up with it because of father.

I was then reminded of the time he asked me why I was kind to him. That day I treated his wounds and gave him my clothes. However, when I took his splinters out, I made sure he could feel the pain as I stabbed deeply into his feet, but he didn't even flinch. He never knew what I did. I made him wear my clothes to hide the wound I gave him and tossed that pair of clothing away the next day.

The things I've done to him over the years filled me with regret. Everytime I touched him I left a scar. His once beautiful hands when he was younger was ruined by me. His slender neck that was as white as the snow had a deep ugly scar. The bottom of his foot had a cut that even he didn't know existed. I even sexually harassed him and he doesn't understand what I did. I let other men touch him and I watched my siblings beat him. I've done a lot. What right do I have to be the one to give him happiness and protect him by his side, when I was the one who made him suffer with those scars.

Tonight, I renew my vows. I will watch over you from afar. You will no longer starve. You will no longer suffer in the cold. Instead you will live a new life and as much as I want to be in it, I won't. The scars I've given you will be my pain to bare. For the next 10 years just as you have suffered, I will too. Junhe I hope you find happiness. I incinerated the shed and the 3 bodies.

The next day I visited my father and we had a long talk about my mother and the things she has done to Junhe.

"So you've finally opened your eyes." said father.

"I want to know the truth. You once said we were too young to understand Mother and Junhe, but I'm no longer young."

"So he's finally been given a name, Junhe. Did he make it up himself?"

"Father."

"Your mother grew sick after WeiEr pased away and I brought in that boy. By the time I had found out what she did, it was too late to save that boy. Everyday she kept him in a small dark room and beat him. She tried to make him WeiEr. She ripped off his nails one by one because they didn't look like WeiEr's nails. She took a brick and fractured his skull because his head shape was different. Everytime he spoke, she would forcefully remove a tooth. When I found the boy he was already in a doll like state. Your mother wasn't bedridden. I locked her in her room. Everytime you and your siblings would visit her, she would keep up the normal act and even I thought she was getting better. Until one night she snuck out to check on the boy. I had the boy rehabilitated, he was slowly coming back to his senses until your mother paid him a visit. She repeatedly beat him and told him to forget everything. She was going to start from scratch with 'WeiEr' since she failed the first time. Luckily I found her in time. Your mother went crazy and then one day she hung herself."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were blinded by so much hatred and you needed to blame someone. You saw what you only wanted to see. If I told you, would you have believed me? Everytime that boy is beaten badly, he will automatically forget it, because that's what your mother told him to do. Even now he still hasn't healed. That boy believes he is being rightfully punished. That's why he won't get angry. Your mother had brainwashed the boy and he's not even conscious of it. If I had not brought that boy in, he wouldn't have suffered so much, but I believed he would save your mother. Instead I killed them both with my actions. One is actually dead and the other is dead in the mind. Most of his thoughts are things your mother taught him. I can't save the boy, so at least I'll give him a place to live. What will you now that you've learned the truth?"

"... I don't know."

"... Well then. Help your siblings open up their eyes."

"I already did. They're hiding in the curtains behind you."

Meiyi runs out of the curtains with tears in her eyes.

"Why didn't you say anything? You suffered all these years alone for your selfish children." Meiyi cried.

"Aiyaa. I'm an old man now. I can handle this much."

I quietly leave the room. Junhe is a victim not only to me and my siblings, but my entire family. My father brought him in, my mother brainwashed him, and we bullied him. When he heals, he come to hate me even more. It's better that way.