A/N:there are some mistakes I didn't edit or proof read so sorry 😅 no real trigger warnings hope you enjoy and I'm sorry 💛
Remember when I said this was going to be the best day ever well I was very wrong in a way it was great but its.like a chain reaction one fucked up thing happens and all the rest take it as an invite to come pouring in too
That person called again and I really don't have the mental strength to go through or deal with it especially not alone not to mention my friends don't know about this nor do I want them to and I plan on keeping it that way although dealing with these types of things alone isn't very Healthy I can't bring myself to drag them into it
They are great living as best as they can I don't want to drag them into my shifty life not today not ever its just not worth the pain I don't want them to have to go through it all over again
"Hey carter" "what's up Reagan" I asked "just regular old me being the one and only gay guy here since well you know. How you holding up" he asked sad face bringing up the topic " I guess I am its kinds hard sometimes not gonna lie my parents have been up my ass about soccer and grades and let's just say Colton is a bit more "active" these days im just sick of it at this point" Reagan looked almost lost "sorry I'm ranting but still"
We talked for a bit and then we touched the one topic I've been trying to avoid "hey um so is it okay if I tell you something " he said sounding unsure and terrified "shoot what's up" "um he tried to reach out to me I don't know if you know it happened to you but it freaked me out and I can't stop thinking about it. its like everything in my shitty life is trying to remind me of him and I'm trying so hard to move on but I just can't accept he's gone sometimes....*sigh* I just wish he were here I wish that son of I bitch didn't say stuff I wish I was better and could've told him he was worth it and that he shouldn't care what they said I wish I was more loyal I wish I wasn't out at a club drinking with my friends the same shit he told me not to do "
He looked like he was gonna cry if anything Regan was taking Colvins death the best or at least hid his emotions the best which brings me to why if your wondering who Regan is he was Colvins boyfriend nice guy if you ask me some might say otherwise but It all depends how you look at him he hasn't been the loyalist and is the rebellious type no dout but he's a little soft when you get to know him the night Colvin died he was infact at the club with his friends
I doubt that he was black out drunk but by the time he picked up the phone to check on clov it was a little to late and i know that guilt lays on him like a sick twisted burden that can't and won't go away all you feel is guilt everyone feels it everyone that knew him
A month or too before he died Regan had cheated for the second time this time his consent given the first not so much but thats to much to get into the night colv found out he was a mess he was already doubting his relationship for a while and school was worse people were moving schools they wanted to leave their mark Regan eventually apologized after being kicked out and finally deciding to approach colv but
They went to couples therapy a few times all was well until colv died everything went to shit again he started to drink he was violent and irrational and other things he also till now refuses to look at anyone be touched in a suggestive way the violent stuff and all eventually was resolved but in the end it really was all me and carries job cause clay wasn't any better but I guess you can't help it god I'm depressing
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"- you coming in or what you really need to stop zoning out all the time carter oh and I might just sit with you guys for lunch" I snapped out realizing we made it to class "really you aren't gonna skip today " I asked genuinely curious "believe it or not I actually like people's company "he says in a slightly passive aggressive way I know he's joking "sure, clay and you haven't talked that much right " I ask genuinely concerned for their already fragile relationship they git along nothing that close and clay most definitely isn't the nicest sometimes so that last thing I'd want is for two people I care about to be fighting or anything like that especially when I know they're both hurting the same kind of hurt feeling the same kind of guilt for the same reason for the same amazing person he Nods his head yes "can I talk to you before we go to lunch please I want to get something off my chest but they're going to most definitely over react " I realize two seconds ago I didn't want anyone to know but honestly this might need to be the one thing I need to share "yeah ,though I don't know why your gonna ask the lonely gay guy about girl advice "
I'm beet red and instantly cuss my genes out for making this way I can't hide when I'm flustered for my life and it's starting to get annoying "t-thats not- i mean... why w-would I..."I say stumbling over my words and I'm to far gone to save it I slam my head on my desk knowing imma get shit for this later "it's fine niave little thing I'm well aware you are as straight as a circle " I pick my head up and give him a look and a eye roll "the thing is I'm not" I'm so sick of lying to people but if I don't I know it will be worse Regan and Colvin were some of the lucy ones didn't give a shit and neither did his parents and I hate to brag but I am most definitely not yes they get picked on and well colv died but during the time he was alive he had his friends and parents he wasn't hiding who he unapologetically was
but I don't have all of that and I will be more than welcome to apologize for being me cause that's what they want me to say I'm not a follower and im probably the farthest you can get to a leader I'm right in the middle I don't want to be noticed but I swear to God if you ignore me I will threaten to kick your ass but never do it anyway I'm not a jock but I love to play all these shitty sports and I love to do the arts and watch cartoons but I'm not a need I can positively say I don't fit in anywhere and I never will but ...
A/N: I'm sorry I have to 😅
You learn to live with it or you don't and I don't think I want either completely but you don't always have a choice
"You really are gay I can't believe it " Reagan says faking surprise "Regan!" Long story short I'm gonna have to do laps at practice I got detention and my teammates are not always nice (there the best but I'm gonna make them run for absolutely no reason fuck my life)
A/N:sorry for any mistakes I'm to lazy to look over it so yay I'm gonna go take a nap have a wonderful book filled rest of you day/night😴🥲
-alei_amaz