Precious past summer and fears.

i just now realize that my gramma is all wrong. I looked through my older chapters and updated some of my grammatical wrongs but I'm sure that I haven't changed much in my writing. I'm still learning after all so you can't judge me. But here's a thought, have you ever been in a situation where you do something good everyday and then there's this one day that you forget to do it and almost everyone is angry at you. They yell and are so pissed that you have no choice but to go outside and aren't willing to go back inside again. Because that's what happens to me quite often lately.

I remember these times under my summer break when I was home almost everyday alone by myself or with my brother and had basically nothing to do but to sit and watch Netflix or eat food. Covid-19 has stolen my precious summer break. Sitting on the beach and play in the pool, that's where I would have been then if not for Covid-19. I hate that it has been taken away some precious time and gives us nothing but shit! The good side is that when I'm much older, I would be able to tell youngsters about how I survived a dangerous time and in a way this is an unforgettable experience.

It's not that I'm grateful to Covid-19 but more like I think that it's something that we all should never fear. Instead we should solve this and go straight forward to our futures. Well I'm horrible at explaining my thoughts but there has to be some time or somewhere when you get me, right? Right.

But let's continue with how my life is going now. Recently I changed school and have been able to meet other people. I got some friends left from my previous school but I feel how we are slipping away from each other. Honestly it feels like we aren't talking and hanging out as much as we promised to do and that sucks. I have never really understood where I should call someone my best friend. I was basically the outcast all trough my kindergarten to my 7 grade and only then did I finally get some friends. The whole concept of friendship has been confusingly annoying me. Like how should a best friend be? My previous school friends know me pretty well and have seen me at both my miserable times and my cringe times. We have had some amazing sleep overs that we haven't had time to sleep and ended up staying the whole night up, and when it was time for everyone to go home in the morning, everyone fell asleep. Is that something that best friends do? Should I be calling them as my best friends when we haven't talked, texted or meet each other for about 2 weeks? That means that we are slipping away from each other right?

Of course there have been times when we have just been too busy to meet and sometimes we ran past each other to school but not really hang out. We just said hi and bye in a breath and that's all. I'm getting all sad thinking that my first close friends wouldn't be close to me in the future. I remember how we had these silly plans where we would travel around the world in the future but now it doesn't seem possible if we are slipping away. I'm afraid that they will meet other people and forget about me, the girl that was once there close friend.

You know these questions when someone asks you what you fear the most and everyone says something like 'not being loved' or ' death' or 'heights' but I think that my fear would be to be forgotten about. I sometimes make up something crazy and talk myself into being brave and do the extreme dares just to be remembered. Even if a little I want to be somewhere remembered in peoples minds even if I'm not with them anymore. But that doesn't mean that I'm necessarily a attention seeker.

Maybe I'm weird but I'm not afraid of death. Of course I wouldn't like to die anytime soon because I have so much left to do but I'm not afraid of death. I have this friend who is cations of everything she does because she's afraid of death and there's nothing wrong with it but when people ask me if I'm afraid of death and I say no, they usually think that there's something wrong with me. Death isn't something that we should fear but rather accept. It something that happens in life and we have to live everyday without regrets.

Sorry about the long disappearance from here and leaving no updates, but life can be rather annoying on internet, and sometimes you just want to hide from it. The reality sucks but it's a world that we live in.... :)