Chapter 21: Do I still love him?

Now that I'm really wondering about it... Could I still like Louie more than I thought... I mean he is the reason why I worked so hard to get this far... could it be that I'm just trying to prove something to him because I still like him!

No! There's no way... right.. I mean.. I did this for my father... and myself not for him!

"Hey! Grace let's go in?" Sungah turns to me.

"Oh.. I thought you already got in since you were like hungry a minute ago," I said timidly.

"I wouldn't want to leave you here you know? What are friends for? If something is bothering you... like the possible idea of us ruining Louie's life by destroying reputation... then I'm here to console you okay? We don't have to do this if you don't want to.." Sungah rubs my shoulder giving me a smile.

"Thanks... although my resolve is unbreakable... I'm going to do this... I'm not having second thoughts... it's just that... am I jealous..." I asked her.

"Jealous of what exactly?"

"It's just that... I'm not honestly sure... I don't know what I'm feeling... about Louie and all that... I know I'm obsessed with him during high school but I feel like I still have feelings for him you know... what do you think Sungah?" I turn to her who seems to be keeping a straight face.

"I know it's dumb and all that I was treated badly and I still like him... but I don't really know anymore... he humiliated me, he treated me like dirt but why do I still... like him..." I sighed timidly.

"Grace... I know I'm like the last person to tell you this considering I'm like the fox in our group but maybe... you should go talk to him... make peace with him... or in fact just befriend him... if you can't do that then I'd say you are still obsessed with the past you know. I mean you do hate him.... but I'm not really sure what love is... What is love to you?" Sungah asked me.

What is love to me.... from a logical perspective... it's...

FLASHBACKS

I was laying around in my bed... talking to Louie's "girlfriend". She knows that I have a crush on Louie... but I guess we are somewhat friends... I'm not really sure... she's too bubbly and absent-minded for me... I don't even know why Louie likes her... and I'm not really sure if that's their relationship, to begin with... but I heard they were boyfriend and girlfriend.

But I got a little curious and decided to text her anyway...

"Hello." I texted.

"Hi." She replied.

"This might be a bit too nosy and I'm sorry for that but what's your relationship with Louie? MU or Girlfriend?" I got straight to the point I'm never the type of person to dance around the issue.

"Secret." She texted.

Ugh... this is so annoying... time to use my method.

"You know I'm really jealous.... it really hurts my feelings... about him since I like him..." I texted.

"Wait why are you jealous?!" She adds a laughing face emoji.

"It's just that... imagine someone as pretty as you taking someone you like.. that's why.." I said stroking her ego... this should work...

"Also it's kind of your fault that he knows.. since you were the one that spread to everyone that I have a crush on Louie," I said to guilt-trip her.

"I'm sorry about that well.. to be fair I'll tell you." She gives in to my request.

Bingo... I still got my charm... I guess sweet-talking people to buy my lollipops really did pay off.

"He's my boyfriend." She states.

"Awwww... now I don't have any more chances with him." I put a crying face emoji.. although I already predicted it... so I'm not bothered with it.

"But we haven't really talked since the summer break you know?" She stated.

"Oh! Why? He didn't bother messaging you? He did message me though." I said... in an attempt to make her feel insecure about their relationship.

"I'm not sure.. well I'm fine with it but not fine with it a tiny bit." She said comically...

"Also omg... I wish I was as beautiful as you.... since I'm soo jealous that Louie likes you and all... How do I be more like you." I texted...

It takes just one push in their relationship to break it... honestly, I don't even think they have a solid foundation to the relationship. That'll be easier than I thought...

"You can have it." She said with a laughing emoji.

"Your beauty?" I said pretending that he didn't mean Louie but I actually can read it clearly.

"No Louie." She giggled for I know she is only joking... in the text...

"Oh.. that's fine... I'm pretty sure he likes you because you are so smart and confident..." I said to stroke her ego even more. "Anyways I have to go now bye!" I messaged her goodbye...

Not going to lie... as much as I hate her... I feel like it would honestly be disappointing to have them leave together... I may be a cunning person but I guess it's against my will to hurt their relationship...

I decided to text Louie... so they can be more talkative with one another.

"Hey, Louie... maybe you should speak to your girlfriend more? She told me you haven't been talking for a while." I texted Louie.

"Oh... it's just I don't really know how to talk with her you know? I want to but I don't know how to start it." He said to me...

Well... he already has a girlfriend... and I see the girlfriend feeling neglected... so instead of helping their relationship break so, I can have him for myself... I planned to help the girl... because I don't want to see her hurt in the end.

"Although it's been long since we talked... why message me so suddenly?" He asked me...

Well, I shouldn't really tell him about what his girlfriend said or something...

"I guess you should really talk to your girlfriend more since the foundation of a relationship is communication..." I texted

I even sent him a list of what makes a healthy romantic relationship.

He then started to ghost me.... until a few minutes he answered with. "Nice. ok." As if he didn't really care about anything...

As if he never really wanted to have an effort to connect with his girlfriend... I guess that's what is love to him...

FLASHBACK ENDS

"I... guess... uh. I'm honestly not sure... I know love is affection, understanding, and communication... but do I really feel these things with him."

"Why don't you find out." She nudged me as I saw Louie sitting outside the ledge, drinking wine...

I guess... it's time to talk to him... one on one...