21: Matthew's thoughtful heart

Marcus hid behind the old elm tree and silently watched Ruth and Matthew walked back to the manor.

Ruth was smiling, laughing occasionally with his twin brother. She seemed to be enjoying his twin brother's company than his.

It was hard for him to admit but he misses those smiles. He used to be the only object of her gaze, her smile, her laugh, her attention and her total affection.

But it was not the same anymore.

Those days seemed to be gone now.

The Ruth he was looking at present is not the same Ruth who had only him in her mind and heart.

He was her world.

She didn't seem to be like it anymore.

Somehow, that realization made him regret the times he rejected her, pushed her away and hurt her.

From a distance, he saw Ruth wrapped her arm around his twin brother's arm.

A surge of pain stabbed the deepest corner of his heart.

He turned away and drew a deep sigh.

If only he could turn back the time, he would trade anything to make things right.

All of a sudden, he recalled Ruth's word to Matthew earlier:

"What if I don't want to remember the 'me' I was ten years ago? What if I don't feel the same way anymore? What if I realized that I was just crazy and young and mad but then I don't really like Marcus after all?"

Her "what ifs" made him feel more terrible.

He clenched his fist.

He couldn't bring himself to her and admit that he was wrong and he was the one to blame why they ended up like this.

If only he believed what she said the night before their wedding, if only she listened to her worries, if only he did not disregard her feelings, she wouldn't end up in that accident and lose her memories.

It was all his fault.

For the first time in ten years, he heard Ruth say those words. It was as if she was ready to give him up anytime. It was as if she never loved him at all. It was as if she wanted to erase all of her memories involving him and their past.

He felt that deep stabbing pain in his chest once more.

He lost her before.

Losing her again, even having a mere thought about it, makes him choke and breathe hard.

"Ruth..." He uttered her name wistfully as he watched her silhouette disappear from his sight.

"Lord Marcus."

He turned to his back and saw the stern-looking face of an old, loyal friend.

"Tobias." He gave him a quick hug. "Glad that you're back."

"Anytime, my lord."

"We have lots of work to do, Tobias."

"I'm always ready for it. Just say the word." Tobias gave him an assuring nod.

He sighed and looked at the south façade of the manor.

"Have you checked the Hamilton's?"

...

"Wow!"

Ruth was astounded as she saw the breakfast prepared by the servants.

Matthew brought her to one of the balconies overlooking the south courtyard.

There were fresh flowers decorating the gothic style baluster while the morning sun was hiding behind the umbrellas installed on top of their fancy table, shielding them from the direct rays of the sun.

Her stomach made a rumbling sound.

Two ladies-in-waiting simultaneously looked at each other and both chortled discreetly.

"Oops!" She smiled sheepishly. "My tummy says I'm hungry."

Matthew pulled a chair and motioned her to sit. She followed and right away marveled at the sight of the saliva-inducing dishes before her.

There were different kinds of bread on a huge basket, plates full of strips of bacon and a couple of poached eggs, smashed avocado and other sort of organic spreads, good old black pudding, baked beans, English sausage and a handful serving of classic English tea.

"Why do I feel like something's missing?"

Matthew sat on the chair across her.

"Why? You don't like the food?" He poured tea on her cup.

"Not really." She took a sip from her tea. "I just felt something better should be served for breakfast."

Matthew's eyebrows furrowed.

"Something better? I asked them to prepare your favorites."

"Favorites?" She ogled at the food. "These are delicious but diet foods."

"Which exactly how you like your food to be prepared."

"You're kidding me."

Matthew placed a piece of rye bread with smashed avocado spread on her plate.

"Not really. Some mornings your kind of preference was that some weird looking green juice for breakfast. You hate getting fat."

"I'm not fat!" She had a quick check on her body most especially on her belly area.

"Exactly my thought too!" He exclaimed. "You kept blabbering that you don't want to get fat because my brother wouldn't like it."

"That's stupid!"

"That's love."

She pursed her lips.

"You love skipping meals too." He added.

"That's very stupid!"

Her face turned sour.

Then she remembered something.

"Can I make a request, Matt?"

"Sure." He flicked a finger and one servant approached them.

"May I please ask for a good serving of hot steamed fried rice with pork toppings, boiled eggs, tomatoes, blanched asparagus and broccoli?"

"You're going Asian for breakfast?"

She smiled. "I suddenly missed our food in the Philippines. I spent three months there and the food was awesome. You should try them too."

"Rice was never on your diet, darling."

She frowned.

"Starting today, I will eat anything I want."

Matthew chuckled.

"You've really changed."

She grabbed the strips of bacon on his plate and in one go, she ate it without batting her eyes.

"Maybe, I did. I don't really care now."

"Yeah. You seemed to love rice now. Not very Lady Ruth, at all." He commented before he drank his tea.

She shrugged her shoulders.

"Rice is life, Matt. Rice is life."

She was enjoying her perfectly steamed fried rice with pork cutlets paired with asparagus, tomatoes and broccoli while Matt was busy watching her eat with all gusto.

Now these are real foods!

"I forgot!" She suddenly exclaimed.

"What?"

"I forgot to ask for a pineapple juice!"

Matthew shook his head and called the servant.

"You heard the lady. Bring her some pineapple juice, please."

"Yes, Lord Matthew."

The servant quickly came back with a pitcher of ice-cold pineapple juice.

She smiled at him as she bit her still crunchy asparagus.

"Thanks!"

"Anything for you."

He winked at her.

Her heart welled up with joy.

Times like this with Matthew made her feel relaxed and so at ease with herself.

His simple thoughtfulness and kindness mattered to her too.

It may appear that the past couple of years of her life remained under the hazy clouds of her still out of order memory box but Matthew never made her feel like a messy-forgetful-runaway wife of his brother. He just stayed close and watched her from a distance. Less the judgment, the ridicule, the blaming, the anger and condemnation.

Even the warmth of his smiles and gazes to her meant a hundred things.

More importantly, Matthew made her feel that she is someone who must be protected at all cost. Having him beside her made her feel that no one can hurt her again.

She wondered why he was acting like that, but knowing Matthew even for a short while, she was assured that all his actions are done for a reason. Plus, she trusted him more than anyone else in the this "new" world of hers.

"My princess!!!"