Something Else

The next morning I was awoken by my handmaid who handed me a note as she shuffled around the room to get my kimono for the day ready. "Which one my lady?" She asked as she held up a Red Kimono with white flowers and gold trims along with a green kimono with silver leaves and pink silk trim. "The black one." I said bluntly. "My lady… Lord Oda had me remove it from your wardrobe." She looked scared of me when I approached her and it wasn't until I realized that my hand had raised to her that I understood why. "Please forgive me Misayo." I lowered my head to her, which took her by surprise. "Of course my lady."

"If he won't let me wear what I want I don't care. You pick." I said as I turned my attention to the note in my hand. "Just, don't let it be anything too sweet looking Misayo. It will contrast with what's left of me." She bowed before rummaging through the wardrobe for something more suited for me. "Oh, and please burn anything that is blue."

I unfolded the note and sighed as I read that it was from Nobunaga "You have dance and song lessons this morning. Don't keep the teacher waiting. After your lessons I will meet you by the koi pond." Signed with his seal for good measure. He did say that he would make time for me in the middle of war councils. I don't understand why he is choosing me. I don't even have my song and dance left in me for him. I huffed at the letter.

Misayo got me ready for my day and after a brief meal I made my way to my lessons. My movements are timid, shaky, unclear, and honestly pathetic now. The instructor is making no corrections though. I moved along with the song, not even bothering to sing I spoke to the instructor. "He told you didn't he? He told you I was broken, and to be gentle."

The older gentleman chuckled before responding as I continued to move awkwardly along with the music. "You're wondering why I am not pointing out the flaws in your dance princess. I am accessing the changes in your body. I saw you dance and sing before. Lord Oda did not ask me to help you return to your previous dance. He asked me to help you achieve something... else." Despite his chuckle and ridiculous words he was absolutely serious.

I ended lessons early. Still confused as to what exactly Nobunaga was hoping for with dance lessons. I was revered throughout Japan as a master of dance and song. Kenshin destroyed my joints with his torture, my knees will never allow me to sway the way I did before.

I stared into the koi pond watching the fish swimming alongside each other. I heard his footsteps approaching behind me after awhile. His broad shouldered reflection came into the water's reflection and revealed a soft smile on his lips. "Deep purple. Your handmaid is more loyal to you that I anticipated."

"Is controlling my wardrobe choices supposed to make me fall in love with you?" I asked as I turned towards him in my seated position by the water. He sat down near me. "No. I was just getting tired of the rumors that I brought a ghost back with me from the dragon of Echigo."

"Perhaps that is exactly what you brought back with you." I commented as I stared back into the koi pond.

"How were your morning lessons?" He asked as he tilted his head back to look at the sky.

"Torture." I huffed.

"Let me take a guess." He faked a thoughtful pause, his eyes staying to the sky. "You hate the way your movements have changed."

"Incredible. You guessed correctly." I sneered.

"If Ieyasu is correct you may never dance the same way you did before, which is nothing to mourn." He sounded so amused I could slap him.

"What was it you said to me before I was taken? 'Your song plays in my heart while I'm away from you. I look forward to hearing a new song from you when we are together again.' Now you say that song is nothing to mourn. So which was a lie?" My hands began running through a few blades of grass.

"Neither. I still look forward to hearing your new song. I think it will be very different from the songs and dance I've seen from you already. I believe they may become more beautiful than the before and inspire me even more." He smiled proudly as he looked at me, his dark red eyes full of promise.

I groaned at his words. "I don't see how that is possible. How can you say such whimsical things? What about watching a broken woman would inspire you?" I asked.

"You see yourself as damaged, ruined, and broken. I see you as stronger, resilient, and certainly less spoiled." The smile left his face but the confidence remained.

My eyes rolled away from him. "I was not spoiled. I was supposed to be the Queen of Azuchi."

He laughed at my words "I didn't realize that my queen required so many trunks of silks and Kimonos, nor did I realize how many handmaids she needed."

Suddenly Hideyoshi came into the garden and without even so much as a word from his right hand Nobunaga stood up. "I have to return to council now. Do what you want with the rest of your day. I will see you this evening. Oh, and incase it slips my mind later, you will sit by me during the meal." He walked briskly like a man fully determined to accomplish his goals as he headed back to council with his lords.

I spent the first part of my day in the library searching for anything to grab my attention until I finally found it. A book dedicated the different types of soldiers and tactics used by Nobunaga in his fight to unify Japan. Misayo brought me drinks and snacks throughout the day as I was consumed by the contents of the book. Time passed rather quickly. I changed for dinner into a high collard emerald green and red kimono.

I sat where Nobunaga wanted me, although sitting next time him did hardly anything to allow him to speak to me during the meal. While Iate it almost seemed like they were talking in a foreign language with the amount of code that they were using. What I could decipher was that Nobunaga was deeply interested in another attack on someone they have already faced before and that he was being strongly apposed.

After the meal he asked if I would walk the smaller garden with him before returning to my chambers. I agreed to the walk, I had a question of my own this time.

As we strolled thought the garden with its trees and water the air outside felt at peace.

"Rina, has anything changed for you today?" He kept his gaze forward.

"No." I stated blankly.

He sighed. "I should have guessed that." He turned to me. "I need to know something though—" his gaze was stony despite his pained tone. "Do you hate me?"

We walked in silence towards my chambers while I thought about my answer. I turned around to face him at my door. "I think I do hate you Nobunaga Oda." I turned to open the door to my room but a strong hand came crashing onto the panel, threatening break it.

I turned back to face him looking unfazed by his actions until I saw the tears welling up in his eyes. My face flushed hot. Who else has seen the Devil cry? I doubt no one since he was a small child. His face was twisted and scrunched as he spoke. "I hate myself as well for what took place." His forhead fell forward resting against the the door as the hand that had stopped me from opening fell back to his side. He towered over me, quietly letting a tear fall on to my cheek with his eyes closed.

"You're ridiculous." My voice was cold as I wiped his tear from my face. "Let me inside my room." He pulled back and I opened the door. He stood there trying to regain composure. "You may enter"His stunned "gnuh" as he hesitated at the door brought me an odd satisfaction.

"I won't repeat myself. Either enter or leave." I shot him a glare before turning away from him again. He came in, leaving the door open.

I could feel my anger beginning to boil again. "I hate you for letting me be taken by the dragon. I hate you for letting him keep me for so long. Most of all though I hate you for keeping me here like this, acting like there is any way for me to be with you when there is not." The fire in my belly was spreading to my limbs again and I felt as if I could strike him at any minute if it wouldn't result in my own death.

"I also hate myself for letting you be taken. I also hate myself for taking so long to find you. I do not hate myself for trying to hold on to you without touching you though." His voice was firm.

I screamed at him, grabbing a nearby hair comb and raising it as if to throw it at him. "WHY?! Why are you holding on to me?!"

He waited for my arm to lower before answering me. "Before you were taken—" His words were calm and smooth like a pond that was empty of koi. "When I confronted you about Hideyoshi, you called me… a lot things. I had two months to think them over while they looked for you. I am those things, but I am also more than those things combined. You called me an idiot in matters of the heart, perhaps that it is true, although I believe you are as well. I saw a passion not only for me, but for my vision in your eyes that night. While you were away from me it was not your song or dance that continued to sustain me during battle, it was the image of you so willing to choose to stand by me. I was drawn to your beauty before, but when you insulted me and scolded me you drove me to move in a new direction, one that I had hoped would result in our union."

"And now. What do you hope your flowery words will result in?" I asked gripping the comb tightly in my hand until it nearly pierced my flesh.

"I have the same hope now as I did then except now I have even more respect for you than before."

I stood there, my hand releasing the comb onto the floor, my eyes fluttered, and I could not think of an immediate response.

He looked away from me. "What do you want Rina? You want me to return you to your clan to be married to someone who already has children, who won't love you like a wife, but will appreciate your care for their children. You want me to choose another bride and move on. I cannot. The fire I saw in your last dance, hidden from everyone but me— I won't move on from it."

"And what if I am to carry Kenshin's child? What will you do then?" It was Kenshin's final blow to sew that seed in my mind so it would consume my thoughts long enough to destroy anything left between Nobunaga and I and it was working.

"It would be taken care of." Cold darkness clouded his previously soft and emotional expression. There was a cold chill from his words that hit me when I made a calculated guess at his meaning.

"You would harm an innocent?" I felt a panic rise in me. I didn't want to bring the dragon's child into this world, but the thought of murdering a helpless child.

"No." He sounded angry. "I've collected enough souls and will collect more in battle, I doubt my scale can handle the weight of an act like that."

"Then explain your words. How would you take care of it?"

"You would be concealed for the remainder of your pregnancy, hidden from the public's eyes until you bore the child. He would be given to a wanting family of another clan. Only the necessary people would know and they would be kept quiet with money, land, loyalty, or whatever they request." He had resumed a softer demeanor.

"You are dismissed from my chambers." My words were emotionless and cold as I turned away from the conversation and sat in front of my mirror. I watched him leave in the reflection of my mirror.

Misayo came in after he left and once she grabbed the comb off the floor she began removing hair pins and brushing my hair. I could see the concern in her eyes as she continued to help me get ready for sleep.

"What is it Misayo?" I asked sharply.

"It's just—" I could see her biting the inside of her lip. "He's not the only one who wants you to stay." She attempted to keep her expression calm, but failed.