The Devil's Confession

The sun was high and I was grateful for the shade of the gazebo. After eating a small meal Nobunaga lay his head on my lap and we both stared out over the water. I brushed my fingers through his hair above his ear. It was a little damp still from the race. His eyes were closed but I could tell by his breathing he is not asleep. After some time passed he softly opened his eyes. "He said something to you." He kept his eyes forward at the water as he continued to speak. "I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you don't seem bothered at all by my feelings for another… and you seem completely unthreatened by it… only making me feel more emboldened to act upon those feelings."

I keep my voice gentle as I continue to run my hands through his hair. "When did your feelings for him start?"

His eyes closed again as he searched for the answer. "I've tried to find the exact moment before. When you and I first met I was much colder than this, especially after my brother's betrayal… Hideyoshi annoyed me to no end with his worrying in the beginning, and especially the way he tried to control my candy. Over time I grew used to his overbearing care and perhaps even rely on him to keep me from charging to an early death." He looked up at me now with a small smile. "The first draft of the list was his idea, trying to bring me comfort after a lost battle. It took me several weeks to actually call upon someone from it. We started to make real progress in our territory claim and eventually one of the smaller villages ruled by the Satomi clan, came and offered their princess's hand in marriage as part of a unification deal, and secure extra forces for protection."

I patted his chest lightly. "I know this story."

He laughed lightly as he gently took my hand. "Are you sure about that?" His eyebrow raised. His face settled again into a relaxed smile before he continued. "When we traveled to your village I still felt— numb. I had no desire to take a wife for any reason other than to secure the ally and the future with legitimate heirs." My heart started to feel sore hearing how single minded and unattached he was. I felt a different twist of pain when he spoke of legitimate heirs, wondering if he already had illegitimates.

His words were warm and dreamy as he continued. "You wore a brilliant red kimono with white peacocks, your villages patron animal, and a purple obi with gold cord. Your sleeves were ridiculously long and ornate. Mitsuhide made a joke that you were keeping all the mysteries of the female mind hidden in those sleeves." I'm stunned that he remembers so many details. "Masamune commented on how stunning you were that night, in great detail. Mitsunari watched how you handled the room with a confidence that defied all of our expectations. It irritated Ieyasu how comfortable you were with approaching people, especially men, and entered into conversations with so much ease. Hideyoshi was the one who said that you seemed as bold as myself." His smile set deeper into his expression. "You know how the rest goes; introductions, promises exchanged, and a year long engagement. I agreed with all of the assessments of your beauty and your personality, but as I said before, I won't let a woman distract me from achieving my dream, and I worried that all those assessments being true meant you would be more than just a political wife. Hideyoshi kept me updated on your wellbeing that whole year and that was enough for me at the time."

His expression darkened. "Until that night. Your dance revealed the shift towards him, and I was t mad at either of you. He is kind, attentive and loyal. He balances my dream with doses of reality without stealing it from me. I didn't want to lose you, but if he was who you chose, and if you made him happy... I hoped I'd see both of you happy. I would have moved to the next politically arranged marriage and once she was with child I would have left her at Azuchi." He noticed my furrowed brows and pressed a finger where the wrinkles had formed. "When you picked me— a second dream sprang up next to my first; I truly wanted you by my side as I continue to campaign for the future I believe our children deserve."

His hand fell from my face and he rolled to face my stomach. "When you said you would become a devil to stay by my side I had never felt so— chosen." He rolled onto his back again. "When I heard that you had been taken, I was ready to turn the entire army around to hunt you down. I was advised not to and reminded that you didn't want to distract from the goal of unifying Japan. Those two months were nothing like when I lost my brother by his own choice. When he betrayed me I felt— cold and became distant. Every day you were gone felt like I was swimming in a lake of fire."

I stroked his hair away from his forehead and looked down at him lovingly. "And Hideyoshi was there for you."

He slowly blinked and his expression was soft again as he spoke. "Yes. He would stay up late with me as I paced and raged over the lack of reports from the team that was sent out for you, and he surprised me with his own fury and pain." There was a long breath and pause as he turned back towards the lake. "It was while on our way to Kenshin's. The party sent out for you met up with us, empty handed and no idea where to continue looking. He found me in my tent, on the ground, tormented at the idea of failing you so miserably. I could see that he was upset as well, his eyes red and ready to burst with tears. He— we held each other." A light blush dusted his cheeks at the memory. How odd to see him so vulnerable now and think of him even more so in the past with Hideyoshi. "He waited for me to calm, and he stroked my hair, much like what you are doing now. I felt there had been an unspoken agreement made between us that night that after we returned to Azuchi we would— comfort each other."

My voice was a little lifted from all of the revelations. "So, when I returned…"

"While you were resting I summoned him to the tenshu to talk. As soon as he entered he apologized and asked to be removed from the scroll. I was so surprised I numbly agreed to his request and he left without further discussion. We've been acting like there is nothing more than loyalty between us since…" He sat up from my lap. "You're still unfazed by all of this?" His brows lowered as he searched my expression. "It's deeper than the others on the scroll..."

I looked out over the water, just as some fish disturbed the surface. "I'm moved by your confession. The two of you have been by each other's side for so long you can't truly decipher when it evolved and somehow your feelings for each other—" tears started to form in the corners of my eyes and he looked scared. "Involve me. Include me." I smiled as little tears fell from my eyes.

The worry left his eyes, he cupped my face in his hands and brought our faces close. His voice is a mixture of happy and cautious. "If it hurts you in any way—"

"It doesn't—" my interruption surprised him, not nearly as much as my kiss. I was able to push his shoulders onto the ground and climb on top of him. And when I broke the kiss he was in a complete state of surrender to me. "It won't." I whispered into his ear before kissing his neck.